Saturday night - I told my wife all when confronted. I my wife more than I could ever have imagined. It's been so hard for her and I was so blind or I blinded myself to this possibility. Now she has so many emotions and is still in disbelief. <p>She's reviewed all my spending over the last year, the receipts, all bank accounts, and I have given her all to be completely honest with her. What an amazing trail!! I cannot tell you how much money I ran through. It's absurd. I betrayed her and I also betrayed my OW. My OW still loves me and I haven't been able to let go. My wife even told me that I shouldn't let go because then I would lose everything - then a day later she asks me if I broke things off with OW. I believe she wants to work this out - is in disbelief - is hurt like hell - but can't yet sort out her emotions. What do I expect after 4 days. Heck - this could take years.<p>I'm torn with so much emotion and dismay at what I have done. We have both started seeing counselors and therapists. But the hard part is breaking things off with the OW. The advice I get from all is to let her go immediately - I've found it hard to do. How easy is it to let go of something you developed for one year into a blooming relationship hidden from all. Maybe some think it should be black and white - but let's just say its not as easy for all to do that. But I do understand it is the right choice if I want any chance to save my marriage.<p>I know the right thing - let go of the OW - work on my marriage and regain my life to the extent that my wife will give me. I know she'll never love me like she did - maybe she'll love me differently. Maybe we have grown from this. Is it right to grow up at our age. Aren't we suppose to think of consequences before we take action. I didn't and now I pay the price. The therapist told me that it could take 2 to 10 years for the healing to stop. <p>Is it worth it - Shouldn't I just deserve to drop off the face of the earth from my relationship with my wife and just start over. I laid my bed shouldn't I just be punished. Why try? <p>Just rambling on here - Such a bad thing to do - this infidelity thing. Sometimes we just are lost and find the people that close the gap for us. My advice for all is keep one relationship at a time - work on the one you have - tell all - go away on weekends - renew the relationships often and you won't get sideswiped or do the sideswiping like I did.<p>Besides my dilemma's - I hope those of you reading this note are having a nice day.

Hi,<p>There was a guy here who posted a few months back and his withdrawal was played out here almost by the hour. We all heard his pain and anguish as he withdrew from the OW. The support from here was good, in time he stuck with us and called here everytime he felt weak. <p>Maybe you could do the same. Also, I hope that other MBers who rememeber this poster might give his name so you can search out his story. There was another guy here by the name of Bill, I believe he is doing ok in his recovery now of almost a year. <p>Hope this helps. Your pain and anguish is par for the course. Don't give up, you are headed in the right direction. <p>L.

FakeToughGuy~<p>I've had to edit this post because once I read it it sounded really really harsh. I'm not going to change what I originally posted but I am going to add this so you can read it before the rest of what I posted. FTG, please know that I understand you are hurting and I am not trying to bypass your pain....I am trying to give you another angle to look at so that you don't ONLY focus on your pain.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Is it worth it - Shouldn't I just deserve to drop off the face of the earth from my relationship with my wife and just start over. I laid my bed shouldn't I just be punished. Why try?
<hr></blockquote><p>No, you don't deserve to drop off the face of the earth. You certainly don't deserve to drop off of the face of the earth to avoid the relationship with your wife and you certainly don't deserve to start over somewhere else when this relationship isn't even over.<p>Why try, you ask?<p>Because now you are standing right in the middle of a mess that YOU created. Sure, you could walk away and not face the consequences of your actions. Sure you could do that. But....could you ever look at your daughter again and ask her to face the consequences of her actions...if you aren't willing to do it your own self? Could you? She is young now, but surely she will make wrong choices and she will need SOMEONE to help her through those times and aren't YOU...her father...the best person to guide her? You are her Daddy...be strong for her.<p>I am NOT saying these things to make you feel even more guilty. I am saying these things because they are VERY real. Believe me, not only did I once choose the path you chose, my father also chose that same path. As fragile as you are right now I wouldn't dare tell you how this has affected me and my brother.<p>This is not all about you anymore. In reality.....it never was. EVER. So, you can dodge these consequences by not trying or you can stand up and be strong and work to rectify as much as humanly possible the damage that has been done.<p>FTG~ I know only too well the position you are in. I've BEEN THERE. Do NOW what you haven't been willing to do before. Before you "dropped off" and got yourself into an affair. Now you want to "drop off" from your marriage because of that affair and the repercussions you are now facing. Don't....please DON'T even think about doing this...this dropping off stuff. I'm telling you, you are in a terrible position right now, but if you can face this dishonorable and undignified situation with honor and dignity...isn't that what matters? How will you perceive yourself in the future if you just walk away? How will your wife perceive you? How will your daughter perceive you? .....and normally I don't bring the OP into my posts but I am going to throw this out there......how will your OW perceive you? You were greatly concerned about her stance in not wanting to break up your marriage.....and now you want to walk away from that marriage? Because of an affair that you had with her? Because you don't want to face the music?<p>The only way you are going to be able to look at yourself with any semblance of respect is to NOT drop off....to not walk away.<p>This is a big task ahead of you. It is not hopeless and it is do-able. As a great poster once posted (hi Pepper)...You can take the high road or you can take the low road. Which will you choose?<p>Affairs are a bad idea. You know why? Because they not only hurt the ones betrayed (spouse, children, OP) they completely and utterly destroy the person doing the cheating.....even if the cheater doesn't realize it. <p>Is there ever a better time to grow up besides now????<p>For you, I am praying that you will find within yourself the strength and determination to see this through. Be determined. Be determined for your daughter, your marriage, your wife, and yourself.<p>Is it worth it? Even if your marriage dissolves....is it ever not worth handling such a mistake without integrity and dignity?<p>You can do this. <p>selket<p>P.S. Thank you for the nice thoughts about nice days. Honestly, the last two days have been a complete h*ll for me....because I didn't take care of all of my business 6 years ago when my affair came to light. This will get better for you. When you hit rock bottom you've got two ways to go.....straight up and sideways. Keep your chin up.<p>[ February 21, 2002: Message edited by: selket ]</p>