FakeToughGuy~<p>I've had to edit this post because once I read it it sounded really really harsh. I'm not going to change what I originally posted but I am going to add this so you can read it before the rest of what I posted. FTG, please know that I understand you are hurting and I am not trying to bypass your pain....I am trying to give you another angle to look at so that you don't ONLY focus on your pain.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Is it worth it - Shouldn't I just deserve to drop off the face of the earth from my relationship with my wife and just start over. I laid my bed shouldn't I just be punished. Why try?
<hr></blockquote><p>No, you don't deserve to drop off the face of the earth. You certainly don't deserve to drop off of the face of the earth to avoid the relationship with your wife and you certainly don't deserve to start over somewhere else when this relationship isn't even over.<p>Why try, you ask?<p>Because now you are standing right in the middle of a mess that YOU created. Sure, you could walk away and not face the consequences of your actions. Sure you could do that. But....could you ever look at your daughter again and ask her to face the consequences of her actions...if you aren't willing to do it your own self? Could you? She is young now, but surely she will make wrong choices and she will need SOMEONE to help her through those times and aren't YOU...her father...the best person to guide her? You are her Daddy...be strong for her.<p>I am NOT saying these things to make you feel even more guilty. I am saying these things because they are VERY real. Believe me, not only did I once choose the path you chose, my father also chose that same path. As fragile as you are right now I wouldn't dare tell you how this has affected me and my brother.<p>This is not all about you anymore. In reality.....it never was. EVER. So, you can dodge these consequences by not trying or you can stand up and be strong and work to rectify as much as humanly possible the damage that has been done.<p>FTG~ I know only too well the position you are in. I've BEEN THERE. Do NOW what you haven't been willing to do before. Before you "dropped off" and got yourself into an affair. Now you want to "drop off" from your marriage because of that affair and the repercussions you are now facing. Don't....please DON'T even think about doing this...this dropping off stuff. I'm telling you, you are in a terrible position right now, but if you can face this dishonorable and undignified situation with honor and dignity...isn't that what matters? How will you perceive yourself in the future if you just walk away? How will your wife perceive you? How will your daughter perceive you? .....and normally I don't bring the OP into my posts but I am going to throw this out there......how will your OW perceive you? You were greatly concerned about her stance in not wanting to break up your marriage.....and now you want to walk away from that marriage? Because of an affair that you had with her? Because you don't want to face the music?<p>The only way you are going to be able to look at yourself with any semblance of respect is to NOT drop off....to not walk away.<p>This is a big task ahead of you. It is not hopeless and it is do-able. As a great poster once posted (hi Pepper)...You can take the high road or you can take the low road. Which will you choose?<p>Affairs are a bad idea. You know why? Because they not only hurt the ones betrayed (spouse, children, OP) they completely and utterly destroy the person doing the cheating.....even if the cheater doesn't realize it. <p>Is there ever a better time to grow up besides now????<p>For you, I am praying that you will find within yourself the strength and determination to see this through. Be determined. Be determined for your daughter, your marriage, your wife, and yourself.<p>Is it worth it? Even if your marriage dissolves....is it ever not worth handling such a mistake without integrity and dignity?<p>You can do this. <p>selket<p>P.S. Thank you for the nice thoughts about nice days. Honestly, the last two days have been a complete h*ll for me....because I didn't take care of all of my business 6 years ago when my affair came to light. This will get better for you. When you hit rock bottom you've got two ways to go.....straight up and sideways. Keep your chin up.<p>[ February 21, 2002: Message edited by: selket ]</p>