Hi Jo,
In my thread on Divorced/Divorcing,you mentioned the Plan B letter. If you have time, would you mind sending me a sample letter? I appreciate it. It is time to move to Plan B. So much has happened in the past few days, which I posted most of on another thread here. Thanks for your time Jo. I hope you are doing better. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
BH

Hi, <p>This is not Jo but here is some links. There are some samples of Plan B letters and threads about plan B and kids. Scroll down a bit there is a lot of stuff here. <p> http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=015609 <p>L.

Plan B sample letter #1<p>Plan B sample letter #2<p>Plan B sample letter #3<p>Plan B sample letter #4<p>Plan B sample letter #5<p>
Here you go ....<p>I am so so sorry things are so bad for you, Hon. I think of you and your un-livable situation often. You have been so strong. I want to say more to you BH, but I'm on my way home from work. I'll post to you in a bit, k?<p>You do know you need to have a good Plan A foundation under your belt before to going to Plan A, yes? <p>Below are Plan A & B guidelines to help you:<p>**************************************************
To this end... one needs to note a few important aspects of Plan B...<p>Both Plan A and Plan B are a cohesive step of steps that lead down a very narrow path of marital recovery... They must work together if Plan A does not work by itself.<p>You start Plan B only after some time in Plan A... a normal amount of time in Plan A could/should be about 6 months... but can be as little a nothing to much more than 6 months.<p>Plan B can only be as effective as Plan A was in setting up a foundation for the establishing a "safe" environment for the wayward spouse to return!<p>That environment must also be "non-threatening", yet "changing" where the wayward can clearly see that there are improvements made in the betrayed's ability to meet the waywards Emotional Needs.<p>Continuing in Plan A is recommended until the wayward ultimately show signs of complete rejection of accepting there have been improvements by the betrayed... and/or the betrayed's feelings turn to one of overt anger... and resentment!<p>Plan B should be put off as long as possible and builds off the benefits derived from Plan A!<p>Damaging a good track record of Plan A can be done in as little as one day of Love Busting and what the betrayed remembers is the most recent actions before Plan B!<p>Plan B has to have a seamless transition from Plan A, because once the betrayed is in Plan B there is no more laying down a foundation!<p>Plan B also should have a time limit... 6 months?... 12 months?... 18 months?... ? years?... it varies. Since most affairs, that do come to an end, normally last about 2 years(more or less)... the duration of Plan B does vary!<p>Plan B should start off with a Plan B letter... see in SAA...pages 80-81! (Notes to MB Forum members later..)<p>This letter is not a Love Busting letter... but quite the opposite! It is to make clear that love still does exist... but the loving relationship that was to be cultivated in Plan A... will not go on as normal...<p>Plan B: Avoid (all) contact with the wayward spouse until the affair has ended. (page 79 of SAA)<p>Plan B is not meant to punish the wayward spouse! But to protect the betrayed... to protect the betrayed spouse's Love Bank for the wayward... so it is not drained below any recoverable state.<p>A consequence of this 'no contact' is that it will then put the burden of satisfying ALL(or most) of the wayward's Emotional Needs on the OP! A very hard thing to do, in most situations...<p>During the time of Plan B the wayward is to "build" oneself... to work on themselves... to prepare oneself to live without the wayward spouse... and develop tools for good healthy relationships! That includes no Love Busting... since that is an unhealthy action in relationships.<p>With children in the picture Plan B, in the full sense of "no contact", is sometimes impossible. Everything possible needs to be done so the children will know they are not being abandoned... contact with them must not be stopped or hindered in any way! Just contact with the spouse. Logistics here are difficult... but should be thought through carefully and creatively.<p>Variations on Plan B are discouraged by the Harley's... those variations tend to weaken the impact intended in Plan B.<p>Again... if Plan B fails... the (betrayed) spouse would no longer have any feelings of love for the wayward spouse and that would allow a less painful subsequent divorce and would permit the pursuit of a new... much healthier relationship.
**************************************************<p>[ February 23, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Thank you so much Orchid and Jo. I have read everything, cut and pasted, and will compose a plan B letter tonight. I will post it and get opinions before sending it. I won't send it right away either since I know that after what happened thursday, I am still an emotional wreck and on such a rollercoaster ride, I don't want to rush into Plan B. thanks again for your insight!
BH

Hi, <p>If you get a chance find the book Love must be tough by James Dobson. The info might help with your letter and delivery. <p>just a thought. <p>L.

Thanks L. If I get a chance tomorrow, I will go to the bookstore and pick it up. I am getting ready to write the letter now. Hopefully I can get through it. Saturday nights are the hardest to get through! Take care L. Thanks for the great advice!!
Hugs,
BH

BIG Bump, to see how BH is, and to see how her Plan B letter is coming.<p>Jo

^^^ Bump!<p>BH ... you around, sweetie?

Looking for BH and her Plan B letter. ^<p>Jo

Hi Jo,
I am doing OK. Had a bad night last night, but am doing OK today. I wrote a rough draft of the Plan B letter, which I will post tonight. I am going out to dinner with a friend and when I get back I will post it. Thanks for the concern! It means so much to me, especially knowing that you are going through so much.
BH