This is a pretty pathetic post. But I'm here IM'ing my sister in law and one of my H's own just came online. She's the one who he had the fling with the weeked after we got married. They had met on the internet and chatted for about 2 months before this fling. She knew at the time of it that the relationship would go nowhere because he was moving across the country from her. She did not know he was married. Flew to his town, stayed in a hotel with him. The weekend was mostly just sex. <p>When I spoke to her months ago, her attitude was well I did not know he was married and I liked him. I'm sorry if you got hurt but it has nothing to do with me. She then promissed to have no contact with him.<p>After that she used to IM him all the time. Except it was me on the other end of the IM screen. So I just told her how much I (meaning my H) loved my wife. She told him that she still wanted to be his friend and help him.<p>At one point I called her again, do not recall what for. She was so friendly and told me how she felt for me and that she had not and would never contact him again. Don't you just love honest people.<p>She never did get a no contact letter.<p>She is engaged now the to guy she cheated on when she had that weekend fling.<p>I know that this is childish but I want so badly to IM her with something that would put her in her place... what ever that is. I'm writing this and posting it to keep me from doing it.<p>Just wonder what it is that I could say to her? Is there anything wise and classy that can be said in this situation? Just wondering... no will not do it.

Well Z, I probably am not the best one to respond because my mind is now racing and coming up with all kinds of ways to let her know she is a liar and a cheat. Maybe making it public knowledge? <p>How about changing your IM addy so she can not contact anymore? <p>Biting my tongue...... Ouch! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

I'd send her congrats, and best wishes all the happiness she deserves [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>Kathi

So as your H (hee hee), maybe IM and say that you are so happy in your marriage now, and you believe the turning point was when she lied to your wife about contact, and you (STL) in turn told her the truth which showed his wife (you - Zorweb) that OW cannot be trusted, but he can.<p>Thank her for validating that typical OW, such as herself, cannot be trusted and have no concept of the truth.<p>Or, perhaps as STL say that you feel empathy for her soon to be H, that he has his work cut out for him.<p>I dunno Z .. just some fantasies. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Whoa! I'm being really naughty with this .... not a good time to as me about anything to do with an OW scenario.<p>Jo<p>[ February 24, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Thanks Orchid, kam6318 and Resilient<p>You have me smiling now. Such evil thoughts.<p>STL gave me all of the No Contact letters to send. I never sent hers because I had to dig her address out of some file I keep at work. I keep nothing here at home that has any contact info of OW as STL gave it all to me and then deleted is all from his computers with me watching. <p>I just did not want to dig it up. Too painful.<p>Maybe I could send her the no contact letter addressed to her and her live in fiance. I could include some of the gems you gave here in a cover letter of my own???? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>After STL saw how the OW were playing games with me, he was shocked to see what they were like. Pointed out to him that there are a lot of catty women out there. They will be sweet to a man, but treat women in a totally different manner. Guess he'd never seen this before.

Well, you know, I think her fiance has the right to know what he is marrying...don't you think?

Ditto BR!!!!<p>But you know BR, we are being a bad influence on Z. STL may come over and chastise one of us. Better U than me...... he he he!! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

I think it's better to leave it alone. You will only be stirring the pot. Yes, the urge is there. But fight it. Don't sink down to her level. Show her you are the better person.

z just post the address, I am sure someone would be willing to send her H info on MB (and why him), cause they obviously need it, and that lets you off the hook, as well as a good deed being done....very elegant, honest, and a public service, and who knows may even save the guys life (depending on who his w is promiscuous with in the future)..

I love the idea of posting the addresses of OP here and letting us do the "dirty" work for each other. Wouldn't it be funny [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] if some OP got 25 messages from anonymous "friends" of the BS. Of course, that is beneath us, but the idea brings a smile to my face.<p>Estes

Yeah the H to be needs to know about his future wife. Like the OW in my H life. She doesn't want her H to know about her 2nd sexual affair. Since she hurt him so bad in her first sexual affiar. Their is the need to be honest and know the truth about each other before marriage. I bet this marriage won't last anyway. She sounds like the typical OP (WS). Lie, cheat, destroy, betrayal, user, etc.<p>I, also, like the idea of all us BS's having contact with him.

zorweb,<p>It takes a lot but couldn't you consel her ?. Slowly help her to see how much fiance worth ?. Consel her about marriage ?. ENs, HNHN, LB and LB$, then no contact letter when they are ready to get M [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>[ February 24, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Hi all,<p>Wow, this does bring out a lot in us does it not?<p>I believe that all BS (and B-fiancés) have the absolute right to know. I also feel that anyone who knows of an affair has the moral obligation to inform the BS/BF. But it’s one thing to say and another to do it isn’t it. <p>Shannon, I understand that you think it’s best to not stir the pot. In your situation that point of view fits where you have been. It certainly makes it so that you and your MM do not have to directly face exactly what has been done. But as a BS, I understand the depth of pain and the absolute horror of marrying someone who it turns out was lying to you even before marriage. It makes the very foundation of their marriage a sham. This is what my H did… We had to start over with our relationship as though it did not even start until after d-day. We spend 2-3 months in which I told him that as far as I was concerned we were not even married. Our marriage exists today only because of what be built after d-day. What transpired before d-day just about negates any love/etc he professed for me up to that date. This is not a minor issue and he does have the right to know. In my book the question is not “Do I have an obligation to tell him?” and question is “Do I have the nerve to tell him and if so how do I do it?”<p>My fear about saying anything is that I would be ugly. It’s not an easy thing to deal with. For month’s I’ve kept a wrap on the rage. Most of the time I feel above it all and have stayed away from IM to stay way from ‘them’. So it was unusual that I saw here online at all. I’m going to block her so that we cannot see each other in the future. <p>But, I maybe it’s time to send the no contact letter? Is it too late to send it 10 months after the d-day for the affair he had with her? Maybe I need that closure. The only way I can get it to her is to send it to her home or wait for her and IM it to her.<p>As for putting her address/IM Name/what ever online here: I’ve thought about that in the past with other people when they’ve come here and wanted to tell. My main objection is that the person/persons who do tell need to know about the affair as an absolute. They need to have first hand knowledge. Someone who gets the info as a third person cannot tell it. I do have several pages of chats saved in which she told me about the affair. I found out about it from her, not him. I also have the chats in which she IM’s STL to give him support. Of course I have no tapes of the phone conversations… that would be illegal.<p>Do remember that I’m here blowing off steam as well as dealing with a real issue. I will not do anything tacky.. There is little difference between the sane and the insane. Both have crazy thoughts filter through their minds. The sane can keep them a fantasy. The insane act upon them.

Last summer, after H and I were already almost 2 months into recovery (I think that's the right time frame), I was on icq with H's #. OW#3 messaged "H".<p>Then, I had fun. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I never did tell her that it was ME she was IMing, and the end result was that she called my H all sorts of nasty names, and threatened for him to 'watch out' if she ever saw him in public.<p>The content of "H's" messages had something to do with a bad rash you-know-where that both he and his W (me! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ) had contracted. And that she should go and see a doctor a.s.a.p. to make sure she was clear of anything.<p>I did eventually tell my H about that - although, I 'mixed up' the time frame of when I did it. <p>I don't feel bad about it either. This particular OW is someone I had spoken to on the phone to tell her that she was messing around with a married man (I told her dad too!! - she still lived at home, although around 30 yrs old). She didn't give a 'hoot' at that time, so I had no regards for her feelings when I got my chance.<p>At least I can pretty much guarantee that she had a couple of weeks of severe nervousness -depending on how long it took for her test results to come back.<p>Oh, and by the way, H and I never did have any kind of rash whatsoever. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

Redhat, <p>That's a very interesting idea. I actually do think I could do that with her. She is totally out of STL's life. The problem I have with it is that I'm afraid that it will bring her back into our lives if I do it personally.<p>Perhaps I could send her the no contact letter now with a copy of SSA? Would that be good?<p>Or maybe I could just send a copy of SSA to her and her fiancé anonymously?????<p>Funny, I started this thread just wanting to get it out of my system so that I did not act on my

Topie25.... tsk, tsk [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

..ummmm Topie, ummmmm ....... at a loss for words [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I am under NO circumstances suggesting in any way to do what I did... but if you can live vicariously through me, let me tell you, it felt great!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>On a more serious note Z, I like the idea of changing your IM # so that she can no longer message you and your H. Look at all of the old memories she's released on you by her messaging? You should let it go if you can. If you can't, then perhaps sending her a copy of SAA would be a good idea (but only if you already know her address!! - don't go searching for it).<p>BTW, that's what H and I did - we changed our icq #'s into one, shared #. And we've deleted our old ones off of the system. It worked great for us.<p>Karen

Z-<p>If she's been IMing you thinking that it is your H, then I would say that it is not to late for the no contact letter. I would first tell your H that you are planning on sending it.
I also think blocking her and/or changing your chat name is a great idea. She would definitley get the message then.<p>cleo

i think all of these ideas are great. i have often pictured the same thing. our ow still works for the same company. although, and im not sure how, her office was moved to a different location in a different town.(he he he!!!!!!!!) boss is our best friend. i dont think she was prepared for the backlash that came her way! however i have these thoughts of what to do because contact with her is only a matter of time. i mean my contact with her. company events and such. the fantasies are fun arent they. but alas, in the end i tell myself that i have something they both will never have again. i have honesty, dignity, and self respect. under no circumstances will i be willing to give these up for her. knowing this helps! good luck