Some opinions needed here. My W is involved with OM2 and has been for the last 6 months. I've only found out about this during the last month. Seems she moved to OM2 about 3 months or so after OM1 left the country, all while attending counseling with me.<p>Anyway, OM2 is in jail right now awaiting a trial. I've learned that my W has confided in a few co-workers and her boss about these affairs. She doesn't think I know about OM2. Since this guy is in jail, she is secretly sending him cash or sending the cash out of the country for him. My guess now is that the total is less than $200. However, before he went to jail OM2 owed us at least another $200.<p>My W has also asked her boss to separate out at least one check for reimbursement of expenses that she paid for out of pocket. She told the boss that I don't know about this expense yet. The boss agreed to give her a separate check for this. She and her boss have also discussed turning in some of her work hours and mileage as an "in-kind" contribution rather than asking to be paid for those hours or miles in order to either 1) help pay for expenses that OM2 has out of this country or 2) to help reduce the payroll burden on her project.<p>Major support of this non-profit project includes churches in our area. These churches are also sending in donations to help pay for the defense expenses for OM2 (my W is soliciting these). I would very much like to take my evidence to the churches so they know all of facts about the character of my W, her boss, and OM2. I'm as interested in protecting the interest of my family as anything. I'm not sure what difference it would make but at least I'd get some satisfaction that my story has been told. I know these churches think the world of OM2 and my W's organization.<p>Can anyone think of a way to approach these church leaders with my information and with my concern about how my family is being deceived while still following MB principles and hoping for recovery of my M?<p>HoFS

What a difficult situation for you to be in! I am sorry that your W is pulling these antics on you, behind your back. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I have to admit, I need a refresher reading on the principles, but to the best of my memory, your best bet is to approach your W with the information you have received. No matter how good you are at bringing up the subject, it will still be a LB to her. Keep that in mind.<p>IMO, it's not right for you to talk to the church and organization before you talk to your W. That would be a much greater LB on your part should you do that. If it is very important for you to tell them, then wait until you've already addressed your W.<p>Your best way to adhere to the MB principles in this situation is to follow the NO LOVEBUSTING rules (no disrespectful judgements, no selfish demands, and no angry outbursts), and the rule of HONESTY. <p>If you need help in how to word things to your W, then practice on here for input. Maybe writing a letter to her with the information might work for you?<p>Karen

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Topie25:
<strong>What a difficult situation for you to be in! I am sorry that your W is pulling these antics on you, behind your back. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I have to admit, I need a refresher reading on the principles, but to the best of my memory, your best bet is to approach your W with the information you have received. No matter how good you are at bringing up the subject, it will still be a LB to her. Keep that in mind.<p>IMO, it's not right for you to talk to the church and organization before you talk to your W. That would be a much greater LB on your part should you do that. If it is very important for you to tell them, then wait until you've already addressed your W.<p>If you need help in how to word things to your W, then practice on here for input. Maybe writing a letter to her with the information might work for you?<p>Karen</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Karen:<p>Thanks for the advice. I guess I'm trying to avoid confronting (gee, that sounds so negative) my W with the information first. One reason I wanted to do this is because I suspect that what is going to happen is that if I tell my W what I know first, she and her boss are going to get their friends to circle the wagons and pretend like nothing has happened. I guess I'd rather not give them time to get into a defensive position on this.<p>I'll have to think about writing it out. Good and obvious answer to share it here first. In times like this, I guess we don't always think clearly. Thanks.<p>HoFS