My children spend the weekend with their dad and OW. Normally when they come back it takes about two days for them to recover. Because I was told by my therapist not to question them on their return I just ask the normal things, like how was your weekend and did you enjoy yourself. After about the first day at home they will start telling me things that happened over the weekend with their dad and OW.<p>Since their return on Sunday I've noticed a change in my 9yo D. Very quite and withdrawn. Asked me since Sunday whether she could sleep with me and I said yes. Last night she told me that she hates being with the OW as she is being treated badly and that her dad which was always very protective over her does nothing about it. Also the OW children which also visits every alternate week with my children is very nasty towards her and her sister. (Different race group black and white) <p>Because she is the oldest they expect her to clear up after the other children - ages ranging from 3 - 6. Then this morning she told me the thing that upset her the most is that WS is sleeping with OW. This is causing her not to be able to sleep and she lays awake all night long. Because of this she has heard their discussions. She feels completely unloved and rejected by her father.<p>As we have a legal agreement regarding visitation rights, I cannot do anything about it. I must send my children to them. I am hurting all over. I feel that I as a mother cannot protect my D even though she is looking up to me and asking me.
Through all this she tells me she loves her dad and do not want to stop seeing him even though she is treated badly. My beautiful D does not deserve this.<p>Today, I also listened to a lady in my office who is having an A. They have both left their spouses and are now living together.. Her words to her friend over the phone was "Thank God, I only have his kids every other weekend. So I will have to grin and bear it" This was like stab wounds to my heart. Do these people not know what they are doing to our children. Is the OW<p>I've been in prayer all morning asking God for the strenght just to carry me through this day.

Hi Ginny --
I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and your precious children. My husband just left last week to live with his OW. Right now, he will only see the children when he comes here. But, I know, that if this continues there will come a time when they will have to go there. That absolutely scares me to death. I can't imagine how hard this must be for you and for your daughter. <p>I was so close to calling the OW yesterday to see why whe would want to tear our family apart, etc. -- I am so angry. But, I realized she doesn't care and hearing me so hurt and angry would probably only make her feel better. So, I didn't, but I'm still angry.<p>I told my WH yesterday that I think this would all be a lot easier if this separation was a mutual decision, but I feel I am being forced into this life. It makes me so hurt and angry I can't stand it sometimes.<p>Well, no great advice only wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I am thinking of you! And, no, it's not fair!!!!!!!

Oh Ginny: I am so sorry you and your family have to go through this. Have you tried talking to you WH? Let him know your daughters concerns and her pain, but try to do it in a gentle way so as to not put him on the defense. Also, let him know what she said about loving him and wanting to still see him, but he really needs to know how isolated she feels. If there is no progress I would talk with an attorney. To me, it appears that your daughters emotional state is in danger and the visitations may be able to be altered in an effort to protect her. Just some thoughts. I wish you well and will keep you and your family in my prayers. You are doing great at home! Obviously she feels safe and loved with you. Keep up the good work mom. I wish you well, and good luck.

Ginny,<p>Your D may need more help than you can give her. The cheapest quickest way is to talk to her schools counselor. The counselor can help her and you deal with this. They can give you the words to use. <p>The counselor at my YS told him that he is not alone that almost half of the kids in school parents are divorced. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] It made him feel better, and that he is no alone.<p>
Also even though if may/will cause problems your WH needs to know.<p>Is there anyway where your children can visit without the OW's or at least once a month without her children. Your children need time with their dad.

Thanks for the replies:<p>My D is in therapy and this helps a lot but I still feel her pain. <p>I was also advised by my therapist that because of the strong bond the children have with their dad I must try and not keep them away from him. At one stage I was thinking of moving 750 kilometer away from him and OW. This thought is still at the back of my mind. Therapist said that children are very adaptable and things will sort itself out. This was also one of the surest ways for WS to see what OW is all about. <p>I know they hate the OW but at this moment WS is so deep in fog that nothing matters. I did speak to him about these issues but to no response. I also encourage them to keep on loving their dad but as for the OW I do not encourage them to have a relationship with her.<p>One thing I am sure about is that WS is starting to see how OW is handling the children and that she has started to LBust him. I am lurking in the back ground and giving my children all the love and affection and this is not going unnoticed by my DD's as they make him aware of it. <p>My 9yo told me that she thinks her dad and OW is two sick people and I said "yes they are sick, my angel. I don't know what her perception is about "sick" but for me they are two mental cases.