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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 18
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 18 |
How do I show my WS, to whom I'm separated, that I'll alaways be here for him, trying to prove I'm in it for the long haul, without feeling like hes using this to not do anything....this could go on 4 years. When he suspects I'm not interested anymore or I'm distant he seems to try to get more involved. When I make myself available he doesnt seem to care. What is this? How can I get on with life, with hope, but without letting him walk all over me? I dont want to play games.<p>AH
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 143
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Member
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 143 |
angelheart,
I am a WS but I've seen several other posts on here the last few days that echoed the same thoughts. The distance you put between you and your WS the more interested they become and vice versa. You may want to browse and look some up but I can't tell you what the titles were. I think the prevailing advice would be to "take care of yourself first". Then set up a plan and stick to it and set deadlines. Things have to be very clear to your H where you are going with this. All this may give you more strentgh and self confidence. I hope more reply.
Brw
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 291
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 291 |
Angel, did you notice your post? It's filled with "I do this for him" statements and it doesn't seem you are doing anything for yourself. Unfortunately there is nothing you can do to make him come back to you or make him faithful. Only he can make that choice. You have shown him you love him, you have shown him you will be there. That's all you can do now. Focus on you and you will probably develop a completely different (and healthy) perspective.<p>Happiness comes from within. Don't be a doormat!!!<p>Love, Clear
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 47
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 47 |
Oh Angel! This is called the "dance". Negative/positive intensity! I spent a week at a treatment center for this exact "syndrome"! One of you is playing the role of the Love Addict and the other is called the Avoidance Addict. It means that when you get close, he gets uncomfortable and has to pull away or avoid you. When you aren't responding to him, he also gets uncomfortable and afraid then he runs back toward you. It's a nasty cycle to break. My suggestion? Couples therapy! Unless you choose to stay in the dance.<p>Good luck and I am so sorry you are going through this. I've been there and it's very painful.<p>Love,
BB
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 317
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Joined: Feb 2001
Posts: 317 |
I just bumpt up a post you might wont to read. The poster is Trying again. The title is Hay Carol............<p>[ February 26, 2002: Message edited by: gottruth? ]</p>
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