I went to the mediation session, and I thought it went better than expected. H was angry, and expressed some of that -- but it felt so much better to have another person present. I think some of what he does fringes on verbal abuse, and I usually just absorb it and don't say much in return. <p>With the mediator there, I felt stronger. She also instructed us not to discuss any of these topics when we left her office -- so that was empowering too. Now I can walk away if he starts to bully me.<p>It was also really helpful that she spelled the law out to him, so that he can see that I'm actually being fair and not trying to ruin him. We own a business, so things get complicated in that respect. And by law he "owes" me 50% of the value. I am not asking for that, and I am also being very cooperative about payment. I just hope he manages his anger enough to see that.<p>I think we're both wise enough to see that this is a better way to handle this. Talking together and cooperating is soooo much better than working though attorneys. This way he's able to express directly to me his thoughts and feelings, and I am able to explain my point of view. <p>I'm hopeful that we will be able to continue and work this out peacefully.<p>Thanks to everyone yesterday for your input.<p>I also respect your advice concerning OM. Obviously this is a major trigger for H, and I do want to show him respect. We have agreed in the past to no contact. I guess I will have to be more stringent about it, maybe change my cell phone number.

Glad to hear it went so well.

Lexxy,<p>Thanks for your post. You sound like you are handling matters in a respectful way which means a lot in any situation. <p>Could you elaborate more on the business aspects & what you went through? I am a BS, WH & I own & operate a business together. Currently in plan A but gathering info for plan B - just having a hard time figuring out how to handle the bus. <p>
Also, how do you find a mediator?<p> [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

WillGetThruThis --
I actually tried to do online searches for mediators on divorce site, and had no luck.
I used the good old yellow pages!<p>We had an initial session with her in which she explained her process, credentials, and the "rules" of mediation. <p>She remains nuetral -- won't have seperate conversations with either of us. She is great at
outlining the issues and suggesting that we consider all aspects.<p>As far as the business is concerned, I'm sure it depends a great deal on where you live. I'm in a community property state, so half of everything belongs to each of us. And the business, since it was acquited with marital assets and during the course of our marriage -- belongs to both of us, even tho he is the only one involved in the day to day operation.<p>It sounds as tho you and your WH work together, so I'm sure you will have additional issues. In our case I will continue with my outside employment and he will buy me out of my share of the business.