Right, as some of you know, I got very scared last week as my WH dramatically decreased his contact with me. I didn't push him. I left him alone, as I should have done.<p>Well, last Thursday, he invited me to a movie. We went, had a nice time and then he made up some excuse to get out of the car to hug me goodbye (long, lingering hug, of course). He then went back to making very little contact. <p>This week has been much of the same. Except tonight. He sent me a text and asked if I wanted to go out to dinner. I'm not feeling very well (PMS) so I told him I wasn't up for it, but that Thursday would be good for me. He said Thursday was fine. Then asked if he could come over and pick up some things. (Like, why can't he wait until Thursday? Could it be, possibly, remotely, that he actually wants to see me? Shock horror!)<p>Just got a call from him sounding very sweet and asking me what time would be good for him to come over. I told him whenever, as I'm just slobbing on the sofa with cramps. He then asked if I wanted any food and said he would stop off to get some Mexican on his way. <p>Ok, WHY is he being so nice and pushing to spend time with me? Not that I'm complaining, but I mean, I got two weeks of the cold shoulder and now this?<p>Wish this wasn't so confusing.<p>Watch this space. I'll probably be back to let you all know what happened.<p>Love,
VE

two choices, just continue what you are doing and watch him....or ask him flat out, why are you pursuing me...cause that is what he is doing.<p>In the more general sense humans are programmed to go after what they lose, or are denied....so he is just reacting to your not chasing him...personally I don't think that kind of pursuit is worth anything, it is instinctual and has nothing to do with whether a relationship is good or not, could be it is genuine, could be a controller jockeying for position, could be fear of loss(selfishness) who knows, is not enough in itself. Other things have to happen as well, fundamental behavioural changes (whatever was wrong before in other words)...application of rules of protection, coounslling, genuine conversation, etc. etc. at some point in the pursuit that will have to be addressed, and that will reveal more about what is going on...right now, I doubt he even knows.<p>[ February 26, 2002: Message edited by: sad_n_lonely ]</p>

VE, his name isn't Craig, is it? He sounds like a boyfriend I had twenty years ago - come closer-no-get-away syndrome. <p>If I gave any clue that I liked him, he'd go dance with all the other girls and look right through me. Then if I cooled off and appeared that I would rather diagram sentences than talk with him, he'd be all very sweet and friendly. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Best fun I ever had with him was when I made a move to be permanently occupied somewhere else. He'd left me alone for six months, and I had been focused on getting ready to graduate - when I met Kasey.<p>My guess is if your husband is Craig, or someone very much like him, the patience game will work, to a point. But at some point, he's going to need to have some marriage counseling to rebuild his marriage with you. At that point, with the therapist's help, you can help him deal with the hot-cold game he plays. He may not be aware that he plays it, and calling him on it while he still has one foot in the OW's door isn't going to help matters. Wait until he's completely back home.

My advice is don't question why. Accept it for what it is. Playing a game and/or second guessing him is not healthy and will not work in the long run.<p>He wants to see you. Period. Quit trying to figure it out and enjoy the time! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

VE, <p>If your WH is like mine he has started seeing pieces of reality in the A and he does not like it. My WH started calling for all kinds of reasons to talk to me. One time he called to ask me what my cousin's last name was. The only response I could think of at the time was "What?" He then spent the next 30 minutes talking about everything else besides my cousin's last name. <p>After several more calls, movies, dinners, etc... I asked him what he was doing and he told me that he was beginning to see our marriage as an option to him. That was a huge step forward from hearing that there was very little hope that we would ever get back together to just go on with my life. He told me that when I first found out about the A that he felt that the OW was the only option he had given himself, but since then reality had set in and that was no longer the case. <p>Yes, he actually said "reality set in". Temporary fog lifting? Maybe this is what your WH is feeling right now. Maybe he is starting to see the reality of the situation. <p>You are aware that the OW is still in the picture and that could explain the times of distance. But this one did not last nearly as long as the last one. <p>Be patient and hang in there. Continue your Plan A, continue to work on yourself and do things for yourself. I really think things may be starting to go your way.<p>Lots of luck tonight and Thursday.

Hi again,<p>Thanks everyone for your input. And no his name isn't Charlie! LOL!<p>Yeah, I mean I'm certainly not complaining. He can come round anytime he likes and I've made that clear to him. <p>So he showed up with food as promised. First time in a long time that we've eaten food in the house without the TV on, which was way cool. We just sat and chatted a bit. Then he wanted to show me things on the internet (yes, he's a complete computer freak) which is fine, because we always "bond" like that. One our mutual interests. Then I left him to surf for a while and went and sat on the sofa to read a magazine. Every now and then he would call me over to show me something. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Then, he finally got around to picking up whatever it was he wanted. I got the impression even he wasn't sure what that was. I found him wandering around the kitchen saying "just wondering what else I can take?" He ended up grabbing a few books and that was about it. He's still got loads of things here. He never really fully moved out. <p>I stood in the hallway as he went to leave. He said goodbye and I said goodbye and made no effort to move toward him for a hug. He hesitated, went to go and then turned back and said, kind of quietly "do you want a hug?" I said of course and that I always want hugs from him. Long hug, as usual. I shut the door behind him, then opened it and said jokingly, "and whether or not you want to hear it, I love you." I smiled. He kind of giggled and smiled back at me and said "see you Thursday". <p>Who knows what the heck is going on - he's still taking things from our flat to his house. He's still seeing OW. But then he *seems* to be making excuses to come see me. <p>But yeah, you're right. No games. Just take it for what it is and enjoy it. I always enjoy my time with him. Hope he feels the same. <p>Love,
VE