Okay... someone out there knows where he is... I know you do... what did you do with him?<p>You know my H?<p>He's suddenly turned into someone I don't know... he's doing things and saying things I used to hope for.<p>I am totally confused. He's disciplining the kids... He's backing me up... He's being a partner on housework and chores... He's asking me about bills and payments.<p>What the heck happened?<p>'cause I surely don't know.<p>Cali

Maybe your H was replaced by a pod person.<p>Do not fall asleep, you may be replaced by one too. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Joe

I know you're trying to be lighthearted about this change in your H, but it really is a serious matter. Well, not DEAD serious, but serious enough for you to be feeling cautious.<p>I think it's great that your H is FINALLY showing you the man you always knew he could be. I hope it continues. Keep up with the plan Aing!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Let those love banks overflow!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

yeah joe... it is kinda like pod people...<p>and topie... I've been lighthearted as you've said... but it really is strange...<p>...and no, I'm not bragging... I am just very disconcerted... maybe 'untrusting' is the word... he's not showing me any more 'affection,' but he's also not making those faces and rolling his eyes or getting 'huffy' when I want to show affection... <p>I'm a little scared... maybe apprehensive... kinda like I expect the rug to be pulled out from underneath me... <p>Cali

Cali,<p>I would be very excited if my Wh started doing those things. But i do admit I would be wary as well. He looks like he is moving in the right direction. I pray for God's wisdom & continued healing in your family.<p>God Bless<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

Cali,<p>Have you seen those movies where the aliens explode green goo all over the place… if it happens stay out of the way? That’s how moose brain worms are spread.<p>It sounds great… but so slowly, one day at a time.

Cali,
U have it confoozed.... the alien is the OTHER one! H has found his way home. He escaped? Quick plant him firmly back into your marriage before the mother ship finds out one escaped. <p>U know what this means? The mother ship is NOT foolproof just a ship of lost fools. When one is coming around to their senses, the mother ship is no longer appealing but more like a peeling from their personality and then the mother ship loses it's grip. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Awhhh.... it is hard but possible to escape. I am glad you are seeing improvement. <p>Hugz, [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
L.

thanks Willing... God is the Only One who could have done this... I know... it is just so ??? I don't know... <p>We had two really good conversations yesterday... I did our taxes and was telling H that we owed Fed, but it evened out 'cause the State owed us just about the same amt. He asked "why have we owed the last two years." I explained that when he was subbing & making 1/2 the amt. he does now, I changed my W-4 to have more $$ in check each month... we were getting like 3 K back each year... then when his salary doubled and we got a 11% raise a couple of years ago... well, I shoulda changed my W-4 back... but didn't... he started a bit of a rant about how if that had been him I would have been all over him about it...<p>... and ya know what... I agreed w/ him. I would have... THEN, but not now... I told him I know and recognize NOW how I treated him and that he couldn't relate a RECENT time when I had done this because I WOULD NEVER DO IT TO HIM AGAIN... I knew how wrong I had been... well, he couldn't argue... knew it was true... conversation over...<p>Plan A change recognized.<p>In a second conversation, he started talking about how skinny the models in my VS catalog were... and how in the latest SI--swimsuit edition... you could cut of all the heads and all the bodies of the models were the same... I'm not sure where he was headed w/ the conversation... I interrupted and told him how uncomfortable it made me... here he is talking about skinny babes... and I'm still a good 30-40 lbs overweight... and he had an A w/ skinny minnie... and I still have to live w/ that... now this was all said calmly, rationally... he asked why did I bring it up... and I said... would you rather I stewed about it... got angry about it and lambasted you later? I think you should know that you talking about skinny, half-dressed women w/ me makes me uncomfortable... 'cause I'll never be skinny... and I'm wondering if that's what you want 'cause you were w/ HER and she's skinny... <p>conversation pretty much ended there... but again, it was good... 'cause neither of us ended up angry or yelling...<p>sorry this got long.... but it was another example of the changes I am seeing in him... his willingness to 'talk' about stuff and accept my points-of-view w/out it being ME blaming HIM or showing HIM how deficient he allegedly is...<p>Cali

Practice (in conversation) makes perfect. It gets easier as time goes by, so long as you keep at it.<p>But you're right, it really does feel strange at first. I was VERY mistrusting of my H at first when he started showing his changes to me (no more 'just words' - instead, actions!! woohoo!). It took a few months for me to stop wondering what he was up to. Heck, I STILL have moments like that. <p>Enjoy this euphoria phase while it lasts. It's a great place to be!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

{{{{{{{{{Cali}}}}}}}}}}<p>Good Job!!! Now don't rush in and smother the hell out of him. Just keep cool. LOL [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>"In a second conversation, he started talking about how skinny the models in my VS catalog were... and how in the latest SI--swimsuit edition... you could cut of all the heads and all the bodies of the models were the same... I'm not sure where he was headed w/ the conversation"<p>***NOTE***......It was YOUR catalog. I know exactly where he was headed here (I think!). He was Oh-so-subtly putting down the land of the skinny!!! (Maybe just to make you feel good...but WHO CARES!!) Please don't even make a "mini" issue out of this kind of thing! Enjoy [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Z & O --- guess we crossed posted... then I went to bed... fell asleep face down on Bible, Power Of a Praying Wife & the study guide! <p>I hear ya Z... slow and steady wins the race...<p>O... yep... think he's home... just kinda scary 'cause it seems to be such an about face...<p>thanks for support Topie... you feel silly... like this is what I wanted... why do I distrust it so much...<p>[[[[[Finally Happy]]]]] thanks so much for your support... I hadn't thought of it that way... sometimes I can be so darn literal... and yep, NO SMOTHERING!!!<p>Hugs and good morning to all,
Cali<p>PS... were havin' a heat wave down here in Southern Cali... beach day anyone??? [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

It's amazing the work God can do in a man that sets his sights on Him and his path after Him. Isn't it exciting?! You've done great work too Cali! Your efforts are starting to bear fruit [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>My H started out recovery like you describe, starting to really step up to do his part without any prompting, a reestablishment and deepening of his relationship with God, and his effort to change his part in our old destructive ways of communicating was incredible( if you haven't read Deborah Tannen yet, now's the time!), he was accountable and I could "see" in him how grateful he was to have a second chance to build a better marriage together. The longer and more consistent your H gets at demonstrating his new, heathier, behaviors the easier you'll find it to become less anxious and cautious with you heart.It takes a long time, but the anxiety does go away. Don't let that get in the way of staying focused on the gift that God is giving you right now. You gave up your marriage to Him and He's starting to give it back to you! Yeah!!!!!!!! God's blessings to you both!!

Cali,
THis is great!! I'm jealous!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] But I love to see success stories, and you truly deserve to have these things happening. Keep up the good work... go back and read those last few threads of yours right before things turned so good. (I told you I was going to remind you to stick to those 180's, and remember what all you learned about Plan A. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>Enjoy it, and like the others said, hold a little bit of caution. One thing I'd like to mention, and please ignore me if I'm way off base here, but be careful that H is not just stuffing his opinions for the sake of "not-arguing", ya know? Isn't that what he complains was always a problem - that his opinions didn't matter - or that he wasn't "heard"?<p>ok... stuck my nose in a little, and I may be wrong. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

mthrr... I was so totally defeated just one month ago... checking out divorce websites... gathering info... I didn't tell him that I was... but I was really moving away from my emotional stuff w/ him... and like you have said, gave him and my marriage to God... I just had to give up the 'control.'<p>faith1... yep... I hear you... I have to check myself from not saying "I love you" too much... or 'smothering' him as FinallyHappy mentioned... maybe that's why I am being so 'cautious' and not wanting to throw myself totally into it...<p>hugs to you both...
Cali