Hello all - including long time lurkers like me!<p>I read MB almost every day. However I've only posted a few times. I've seen people on this board ask to hear about success stories. It seems that so much of what is written is depressing or just plain sad. I understand why. The pain I have felt recently in my 20 year marriage is ABSOLUTELY the MOST PAINFUL thing I have ever experienced! [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'll give you a little background - On Oct. 11, 2001, my beautiful W told me she was VERY unhappy and did not love me the way she used to. That same evening my boss told me that while my performance was outstanding (ie.-sales results) I was being put on 90 probation because of attitude problems. Add to this an EA (never PA) my wife was having that I had just found out about the week before. At that time she did not know that I knew. All this was too much, too quickly, too painful. I wanted to die. I thought about car accidents, plane crashes, pills, etc. I'm telling this to let you know that I have lived the pain that sooooo many are going through. Before I found MB, I looked at myself and hated what I had become. A fat, arrogant alcoholic that shut down any feelings toward my wife and others. My first love was alcohol and my second love was my false image of myself.<p>OK - let's fast forward to today. The last drop of liquor I had was Oct. 12, 2001 (thank you AA). I've lost 75lbs. and doubled my muscle mass. I have God back in my life. My career is back on track and my boss has a great deal of respect for me and is 'grateful to have me as a leader on his team'. My marriage is not great yet.....but my wonderful wife is beginning to show signs of 'those loving feelings' towards me. One of my long time complaints has been not enough SF. Well, the other morning she initiated the first contact that we have had in 5 mos. When I travel, she will call me sometimes to talk about our days (I used to always have to call).<p>Now a brief summary of the middle - At first I saturated my W with apologies, emails, flowers, tears, and yes, even begging on my knees. I did that for a month and it drove her even further away than she already was (Duh!). By the second month I had found MB. My wife did not want to do the EN questionaire and thought I was being obsessive in always reading the MB site and wanting to talk about us and fixing our M. She needed a break from the pain and talking to me was 'very painful'. About this time I confronted her about her ongoing EA. I had put a keystroke logger on our computer. Understand that the information I had was so dangerous for her and OM. It could have meant both of them being fired. My wife went went slitghtly insane because I hinted at how damaging this info could be. My spying was the most awful thing I had ever done to her (she told me that). But it helped me find MB and gave me more reasons to work my Plan A. I have LB'd too much over the past 4 mos. and even had plans to move out the first of Feb. My wife had stopped the EA but the OM kept trying to take thier chats back to the 'forbidden zone' after my W had told him to not go there. Finally, I told her that I could not live in this situation any longer and if she wanted me to stay then she HAD to call the OM and tell him FORCEFULLY that their chats and the relationship would end completely if he could not just be a friend (not MB I know, but I'm OK with this because my W is a very good and honest person). For the past 6 weeks my Plan A has changed to one of showing love but also 'distant' with my emotions towards her. In other words, I got a life outside of the troubles in our M. My W immediately noticed my attitude change and has begun to chase me! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>She has told me that she thinks we can be good again and she is very proud of the major improvements I have made in the last 5 mos. She also feels that more changes are needed on her part.<p>So.......there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope and am praying that we reach that light together, hand in hand.<p>So there is the longest post (maybe the most typing too) that I have made. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It is not a success story yet but my heart tells it will be!<p>If I can answer any ? or fill in more detail, please let me know. The MB principles are sound but adjustments to the 'plan' might be needed depending on how well you know your spouse.<p>Release your problems to God and work on the things that you can control - yourself!<p>Thanks to all who are on this wonderful board.<p>Gib<p>[ February 26, 2002: Message edited by: Gibby1 ]</p>
