Has anyone ever had this happen? What are your thoughts on why she did this? I have my own thoughts as to why....

I assume that 'she' is the OW.<p>To make herself fee better?<p>To get your H's attention?<p>To punish your H?<p>Why do you think 'she' did it?

Yes the 'OW'. My thoughts exactly,"to make herself feel better", to cause disruption and to make herself "look good" to my husband.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by whileiwassleeping:
<strong>Has anyone ever had this happen? What are your thoughts on why she did this? I have my own thoughts as to why....</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Me me! OW called after H ended it under the pretense of "You deserve to know the truth" and "I know that what I did was wrong." Keep in mind she felt that I had no right to the truth when the A first started and I questioned her (she lied like a rug lol). It quickly becaqme obvious that her true motivations were - #1 she was hoping and praying that her revelations would cause me to divorce H and that maybe if he had nowhere else to go he's come back to her by default #2 To try and get even with/punish H for dumping her by making his life hell at home (didn't work) #3 to cause me pain (that did work). I think she would have done almost anything to split us up.

She actually could have wanted to apologize. I know some OW that feel immensely TERRIBLE about what they did. <p>We can't know what was in her mind when she called. Take it at face value and move on. I am assuming she is no longer seeing H. If not, there is no need to worry about her at this point. Focus on YOU and your marriage. What motivates her is not important. What's important is what motivates H and YOU.<p>Love,
Clear

I never called my O/MM's wife, but she did call me. It was a rather civilized conversation. I did a lot of listening. She asked me what kind of woman I am that I would do that to someone else? I replied with something like, not a very good one. I tried to empathize with her but not over do it as to patronize her. I truly felt bad for her. I had already seen the pain in my husband and was dealing with that. My husband found out a couple of months before her. We were actually starting to rebuild when she called me. She got a little angry, but I understood that and just listened. We talked a little (mutually), but mostly I allowed her to get out to me what she needed to in hopes that it would help her. At one point I told her "I realize this will mean nothing to you know, but I hope that one day it will. . . I am truly sorry for all the pain that I have caused you and your family." I had no underlying reasons for this statement. I didn't want to look good to anyone, or hurt anyone. I just wanted her to know that I see her pain and although during the affair it didn't seem to matter to anyone, I really am sorry. I felt bad for her, just as I felt bad for my husband and what he was going through. Sure it was her husband who hurt her the most, but I contributed. She's a smart woman, and I'm sure quite rationale. She may have not wanted my apology then, but she did thank me for talking to her and saying the things I did, like the apology. Maybe, just maybe, one day it will mean something for her. I only hope it will help bring peace to her heart.<p>In any event, it's up to you what you do with it. I suggest that you don't dwell on it. Even if she meant it in a spiteful manner, simply take it for what it is and move on without her. Best of luck to you and your family.

Thank you all for your insight and support. I think the thing that bothered me most was that I did let her get to me when I was having a good day.<p>Thanks again, I'm glad I found this place.