I think my wife is having an internet affair with someone we met while on vacation. He lives near the west coast and we are on the east coast. She says that he is only a friend but I think otherwise. My W set up another email address that I never knew about and talks with this man. This has been going on for 4-5 months and I am getting more and more uncomfortable with it. I read some of the emails and he is always saying that he wishes she was here, calling her sweetie, and has emailed pictures of himself. He wants her to email pictures of herself. Not sure if she did. Many of the emails I read point to something more than just a friendship. I confronted her just recently and she says that in her eyes it is only friendship. But agrees he has been too much with what he sends her. The worse thing is that she was planning a trip to where he lives to attend a seminar. But I am not sure if she would really go through with meeting him. Heis not her type and is much older then her. Plus we have 2 young children and have been talking about having a third. Am I reading to deep into this relationship? My gut feeling is that I am not. SHe has not been distant from me. Physically or mentally.

He is exactly her type...he is flattering her and paying tons of attention to her. Looks mean nothing.<p>You are right to heed the red flags going up! This is a disaster in the making and she needs to send an email to him immediately and straighten it out. And under no circumstances should they meet alone!<p>Is she encouraging this or merely ignoring it? And I know that maybe right now it seems harmless but don't all relationships start with a 'glance' before they progress to a kiss?

Hi,
The saying is "if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck then it´s a duck" My wife started chatting with some guy a year ago. I installed chat tracking software when I became suspicious and I was shocked. No cybersex just plain emotional dependence. He wanted to meet for sex, she didn´t. For some women the internet is a way to place your foot in the water to test the temperature without jumping in. I tried the plan A approach as recommended here but she still ran back to her other man every day. Well it is over a year now and I think she kind of caught on to him but they still chat ocasionally. The truth is I really got to know my wife in this way and the reality is I do not see a long term marriage and as soon as my work situation improves I may call it quits. The bottom line, I realized I just do not like her anymore. It´s not about love or marriage commitment, it´s about who she really is and who I am. You may wan´t to do the same as I and find out who you really are married to so you then can decide. Or just bring it out now, find out what´s her or both of your problems
and bring it to a conclusion. But do not let it drag on if possble, it snowballs and it only becomes more difficult to fix.<p>Best of luck to you,
Rich

Hey thanks for helping me try to sort out what is going on. We did have a long talk and she said that she would end her conversations with him. I think she knows that it was more than just being friends and the emails were more than just being friendly or funny.<p>She did play off his emails like they were jokes and she just went along with it. I still believe firmly that he sparked something in her and she really enjoyed it and had some interest in him. I did tell her that I think she was planning on meeting him on her trip and she did not deny it or say yes. She basically was not sure if she was going to call him. <p>She did say that his emails were escape away from all the craziness going on in our lives. Our kids are a bundle of work. His emails made her laugh and she enjoyed them.<p>I firmly believe that she can have as many men friends as she wants. But the line has to be drawn between friendship and saying things like I miss your sexy voice. Wish you were here next to me and if I had a picture of you I would kiss it each morning. Todays my birthday and I told her all I want is for her to end her relationship with him. She agreed and says she will not email him anymore. I just hope she really does.<p>I think that she was really thrown back when I hacked into her private email address and found the emails. At first she was furious with me, but that soon changed. This is why I truely believe that this relationship was heading somewhere and I am somewhat glad/sad that I did what I did. My gut feeling was right and I went with my feelings.<p>Part of me says that she would not do anything with him or have this go anywhere. The reason being is that we have been thinking and talking about having a 3rd child. This was before this relationship started to get out of control. I somewhat doubt she would throw away 8 years of marriage and destroy the family for a waiter who has no financial security or real ambition in life. Part of our marriage is becoming succesful in our careers and being able to retire at a young age and making sure we can give the best for our kids. the waiter will never be able to do that and child support will not either. <p>Hope it works out!

Hey R,<p>We did sort out some things last night. Cannot say that it is reason enough to do what she was doing. She still says that she only intended to be friendly with him. I did not see any emails from her saying what he was saying to her. In his replies he never included what the question was or previous email stated. That struck me as odd. <p>Can I honestly say or believe that she will not talk with him anymore? Not really. I think she will ignore his first few emails, but will eventually respond to him. If I start getting that feeling again, then I will confront her again. This time there will be no playing innocent and saying I was just going along with it as a joke. I was firm with her about this relationship she is having and next time will most likely end our marriage. <p>She has told me that she will not talk with him anymore, because she knows how uneasy I am about this whole thing. Should I be that trusting? Part of me says that she can just create a new account and continue on. But where can it go if they have no chance of getting together?<p>Still insure of everything

Something Wrong: You are doing things right. Don't hide your feelings and keep the line of communication open. The internet thing could just be entertaiment to her, but knowing that it upsets you she should be more than willing to end it. Ask her to get rid of that e-mail account, and if he has her other account, ask her to change that one. Explain to her that you are uneasy with this and although she may have no intentions to meet him or do anything, you feel that his intentions may not be so simple and you would rather she guard herself against being in an awkward situation. Ask her if there is something in her conversations with this man that spark her, light her up, that maybe you can fill in with. Share with her what it is that makes you tick and ask her to share with you what makes her tick. They most certainly are two different things. If anything, ANYTHING transpires that you are uneasy about - talk to her. Don't stew on it, and don't let it lie till something else comes up to prove you are right in your gut feeling. It's better to find out you are totally off on your thoughts, then to wait and find out you were almost right at that time, totally correct now, but could have prevented it. Explain to her exactly how you feel and what she means to you and let her know that if there is some need of hers that you are not meeting, for any reason, that she needs to talk to you about that so that the two of you can work on it and continue to be happy in your marriage. I hope this helps, and I wish you well. Happy birthday, and be sure to enjoy the day and your family! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

something wrong,<p>It's a good thing you caught this when you did because it sounds like it was heading in the wrong direction. She obviously knew it was wrong or she wouldn't have created a secret email account. Don't need one of those for emails from a platonic "friend." <p>I would advise that you don't trust her blindly again, but keep your eyes peeled until she rebuilds some trust, which WILL TAKE SOME TIME. One thing that I did to help things along was to install spy software on my H's computer. This way I was able to know for SURE that he was being good. Before that, the wondering always drove me crazy. He doesn't know about it but it has been instrumental in restoring our marriage and giving me peace of mind.