I called my h today at work and when they transferred my call to him, he picked up the line and i heard him saying "yeah you're right she is a christian, she shouldn't be acting that way towards you" I said who do you think you're on the phone with? he recognized my voice and said "oh, ummm.. hold on" he put me on hold for about 2 minutes and when he came back he said he was on the phone talking with his son's mother.<p>Apparently "her feelings our hurt" becuz i've been avoiding her and when she stops by my desk at work, all i say is "hi". She wants to know what's my problem and why can't i carry a conversation with her anymore, and that if i'm a christian, like i say i am, i sure am not modeling christian behavior towards her.<p>This is exactly what i'm talking about...everytime i do something she doesn't like, she's on the phone with my h and becuz he's sooo afraid to anger her for fear of her threatening to take her son back, he tries to calm her down and appease her. What about protecting me?????? I admit, i have been distant towards her and i haven't picked her up for work all this week but its becuz i'm soooo tired of dealing with this. <p>This is crazy! All i want is for him to set boundaries. Whenever she hurts my feelings and i cry, does he call her and ask her why are you doing or saying things to hurt my wife??? no. Okay he's right, i haven't been acting christ-like. i shoudl apologize for that. but maybe if he reassured me more about his love for me i wouldn't feel so insecure or jealous of her.<p>Anyways, She does not have a relationship with CHrist and both my h and i are fairly new christians so we are doing the best we can to demonstrate this to her, but she shouldn't judge Christ by looking at me becuz i'm afraid this won't be the last time i will fail to model Jesus to her. <p>Anybody with words of wisdom? and how should i tell my h that this is really stressing me out.

Talitha,<p>I don't know what is going on truely, but my guess is that you are being played big time. Being Christian doesn't mean you allow another woman, even an exW, to get between you and your H. Being Christian doesn't mean that you have to do anything she says or keep her happy. She is NOT the downtrodden. She has a job and a life and her life shouldn't be mixed with yours.<p>If your H is so worried about losing his son, let him do the legal work to obtain custody. He can offer a whole family, his exW cannot. You and your H need to have a long hard talk about this.<p>You are not the house servant. You are his W. I think you need to understand one other thing. I am saying this a man. I think he is treating you wrong and I think that his ex should be out of your lives other than required to take care of their son. But, it is their son, and you being a Christian does not mean you are her slave.<p>This whole thing sounds very strange to me Talitha. I worry that something else is going on and you are being kept off balance with the Christian thing. You need to talk with a minister and a church as large as your should have many on their staff and some trained as counselors. See what resources are available to you.<p>Good luck and God Bless,<p>JL

Tal - that is nonsense!<p>Your husband should be protecting you! I will try to give this more thought in the morning but you are letting yourself be a doormat! Your husband does not respect you.<p>Like I stated earlier, Christians have no right to judge others, that is not our place. Let those without sin cast the first stone. How dare your husband criticize your behavior as a Christian?!?!?!?!<p>Ugh! Just the thought of it makes me irrate. Don't accept the criticism of him or that Judas (mother of his child).<p>Tal, you have really got to get a grip on your life. You are being used and abused in so many ways. To allow this to be done to you IS NOT Christlike. He is not being a good Christian by judging you or by discussing you with another woman. You are his wife. He should confide all with you and should never demean you to someone else in that manner. It is SO disrespectful! Please, talk to your pastor about this, privately, talk to someone you can trust. You have let the guilt of your past behavior keep you from being the person you should be.<p>I will pray for you.

Talitha,<p>First of all, you cannot force your H to protect you or behave the way you want him to. Neither can you force his ex to behave appropriately.<p>What you CAN do is look at the situation AS IT IS and decide what YOU will do.<p>I also had trouble with the fuzzy boundaries my H had with his ex when we got married. I decided to define MY boundaries regardless of what the two of them did. I told my H to let me know when he had all his unfinished business with that R finished and was ready to start a R with me, and then I went about my own business. I detached.<p>His ex became so obsessive that she was calling up to 30 times a day and showing up at all hours, even showing up at MY chidren's school functions! She was like a stalker. Finally I told him that he had to choose. Either he did whatever it took to keep that woman out of my life or I would leave so he could move her in and they could complete whatever it was that needed to be completed.<p>If it had been MY ex carrying on in such a way, I would have gone to court to keep him under control just as I did during the divorce, so there was no excuse for my H to be such a wimp. And he even had LEGAL custody of his children, but he was still scared to stand up to her lest she try to get custody. Plus I also think he liked it that she was suddenly interested in him after cheating on him, leaving him, and hardly ever even seeing the children for the 4 years before I came into the picture.