On Monday, I had programmed the TiVo to record Tuesday's Oprah (with Dr. Phil), and I left a note on H's remote requesting that he not delete it before I had a chance to watch it.<p>The other thread to this story is that back in November H had made a comment that he happened to see Dr. Phil while flipping through channels and thought he was good. I told him if he was interested I could look into getting his books, that I thought he had one on marital recovery. I requested Relationship Rescue, both in print and on tape, at the library--had to get on a waiting list for both (what a sad commentary on our society, huh? [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] ) so that I could read the book and he could listen to the tapes while at work and we could both read it at the same time.<p>They gave me the book within a few weeks and I got more than halfway through it before it was due. I was doing all the tests and exercises, so spent a lot of time on it, and figured I'd just buy a copy and finish it, but shortly after that I started giving up on the M and didn't follow through.<p>A week and a half ago, a notice comes from the library, and I go to see what is waiting for me, and it's Relationship Rescue on tape! Took 3 months to get to me on the waiting list! I brought it home, mentioned it to H, referring to our conversation about it back in November & how they finally got to my name on the waiting list. I set it on his dresser and didn't mention it again. But I did notice that it hadn't been touched.<p>Then, all of a sudden yesterday I was walking by the dresser and noticed the due-date slip in a different position, so I opened it and the first tape wasn't in there anymore!!! Talk about shocked. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>So the best I can figure is that he clicked on the show description on the TiVo screen to see why I programmed it to record Oprah (I've never done anything with the TiVo before) and saw "Dr. Phil talks about adultery" and maybe that triggered his deciding to finally listen to those tapes. I don't know, but at least it's something.<p>In the book, Dr. Phil's pretty tough on making you work on yourself first and getting real with yourself, so I'm interested to see what happens next. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I was starting to get upset when those tapes sat there collecting dust day after day, and I was planning what I was going to say when the due date got here: "Is it your understanding that this relationship has no need for rescue?" or something like that. Figured it was just another indicator for me that I am wasting my time here.<p>Seeing this effort on his part, though small, put a little more weight on the side of remaining in Plan A for the time being. I wonder if he'll talk to me about it.<p>[ February 27, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

Hmmmmmm...should you bring it up? Maybe it will open the door a bit...what do you think?
T

He knows I've read a lot of the book, and I described it generally back then, so I'm going to leave it up to him to talk to me about HIS impression of the book, since I already shared mine.<p>But I'll probably get another copy of the book and continue working through it, and I know it reaches a place where you are supposed to talk to your partner about what you've been working on, so I'll do that then.<p>But if he gets to that point on the tapes before I get to that point in the book and he is taking it seriously, then hopefully he'll approach me, especially since he knows I've already done a lot of the stuff in it and can fully participate with him. I have definitely demonstrated my TRUE willingness to work with him on the M.<p>Great to hear from you T! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Been avoiding the Recovery board until I feel I'm actually on that road. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Do you know how I could get a copy of Tuesdays show? I would love to get a copy of it!

Is Dr. Phil's relationship rescue a good book? I am trying to be more selective when buying them, my growing selection of marriage book threatens to take over my nightstand.

You can order tapes and transcripts from www.oprah.com.

HangingIn,<p>I highly recommend the book and believed it helped saved my marriage. Alot of it I did by myself and parts my husband and I read together.
It addresses many things that affect our relationships -- looking at yourself, how your past affects who you are (and vice versa with your partner), defining what the problems are, the myths in relationships, how you yourself can produce changes in the relationship, etc. The part that made the biggest difference for us was the "relationship values" that involve being friends with your spouse, treating your spouse with respect, being vulnerable to your spouse, etc. (kind of like rules for interacting and communicating). If you go to Oprah's website you can get a preview of the book and read about the "relationship values". <p>When we backslide a little, I often pull out the book and review. I think the biggest lesson from this book is that we need to learn to change....often we keep doing things that aren't beneficial to our relationship just because they're habits and we don't know any other way...
they don't work but we keep doing them....so you have to work hard to unlearn old habits, try new things, and find things that do work. <p>(P.S. Many of people make fun of it but I also learned a lot from "Mens are from Mars and Women are from Venus". Dr. Phil touches on this subject....that men and women are different, and instead of trying to change each other we need to accept it.)<p>Conqueror....hope I didn't intrude on your thread. It's great that your H is listening to the tapes!<p>Hugs,
JJ

No problem, JJ. I appreciate your review since I never finished the book myself.<p>I was at the part where you figure out your needs when I had to take it back to the library. I enjoyed Dr. Phil's humor and straightforwardness. And I thought his insistence that you look at yourself first and get to the core of yourself was very important. If you follow the order as he directs in the book, you will have done a lot of work on yourself and figuring yourself out before you ever approach your partner.<p>Getting in touch with my core self helped me acknowledge and define my boundaries, which enabled me to feel more in control of my life and setting my course. Also, it helped me let go of my H's issues when I concentrated on my own. I thought Dr. Phil's voice as he talks you through everything was very encouraging and motivating.<p>I will at least try to borrow it from the library again if not buy it because I'd like to finish it.