I just quit. Some come take my wife (WS) away. I am tired of the pain, being hurt, the betrayal, the humiliation, the lies, the lack of being treated like a human, etc. I deserve to be treated so much better then this. I don’t believe I deserve to be treated like crap.
Why is it I am being nice to my wife when she hurt me and still is hurting me sooooo bad. Why? Why is it that I am doing so much and have been trying hard when she hasn’t budged an inch? Why is when I draw the line in the sand where my limit is she just keeps on stepping across that line? Why? Why is that my wife asks for her space as in a separation (live in same house but separate rooms) and I agree to it? Why? Why is it the WS gives and tries so much when it is the BS fault that you are in this big mess. Yes we all have some small issues in our relationship but I didn’t go out and get involved with another person because I wasn’t happy. Why is it that everyone assumes that if we get a divorce I will just be a nice guy and spilt everything 50/50? Why? Why am I so nice to someone who has been treating me like crap for the past four months. Why do I still try? Why am I being nice to someone who went behind my back and kissed and did things with another man? Why should I ever trust someone like this? Why?
As you can tell I am not a happy camper. Yesterday when my wife and I were eating dinner she tells me she is tired of this going out with her friends crap. But oh no, today I get a phone call at 6:00 p.m. saying I am so tired so I am not going to the gym. But my co-workers talked me into going out for a drink. I am only going for one drink. Two hours later and can you guess where she is at? I see some big time double standards here. I am so tired of her single coworkers inviting my wife out all the time. When her coworkers finally have a life and have a significant other I should become hell in their life like they have in mine. Yes, my wife makes the decision to go. But when you waive the bait out there the WS is going to take it.
Sad to say I quit. I am not going to keep putting up with all this bull s@@t. She can leave if she wants but I am not being a nice guy and giving her half of this and half of that. If she leaves that is her choice. I am just tired and worn out. Someone please come take my wife away and just give her dose of reality&#8230;<p>HELP&#8230;..

Calm down!! For women, I usually suggest a bubble bath or furniture rearranging - especially couches. For a man, I really don't know. Would either of those things work for you? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>You are venting, which is good. Even better is that you're doing it on here at not to your W. BRAVO!!! <p>It sounds like you need to move into plan B - last week sometime. Take a few days. Try to calm down. Don't make any rash decisions based on your emotions. You may live to regret them later.<p>The weekend will be here soon. Are you able to get out of the house and do something by yourself? Visit a friend or family memeber for an overnight? ANYTHING to just get away from the environment you're in right now. <p>Karen

Ah, the eternal question, why. Why do any of us betrayed spouses think we need to take any crap from our wayward spouse? I agree with you 100% that you have had enough. If it were me, while she is out playing, I would not-so-gently pack her crud up from that house. You don't have to leave, you don't have to split stuff 50/50 if you ask me. Put her out on her butt. There are plenty of women who would love to have a loyal husband. If your wife thinks stringing you along for 4 months is acceptable, she has a screw loose in that noggin of hers. Your wife is making choices regularly that hurt you, nothing that indicates to me that she is mature enough to be your wife. No one needs to be a doormat, Plan A-ing or not. You are person and you need to respect yourself enough to say enough is enough. She is using you. Don't let her do that to you anymore. If she thinks she is entitled to 50/50 split, tell her you disagree and you will see her in court. Good Luck. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

Confused-guy - I know you are hurting, it is expressed quite well in your post. I know what you are feeling, I feel the same way. The WS gets everything, the intimacy with the OP, sharing of money, bodies, love, secrets, lies, etc. My H hasn't made a committment to this marriage, he is still sitting on the fence. Jennifer Harley quit counseling with my H, and H is now talking to Steve Harley, only had 2 or 3 consults. Steve told me to get a lawyer, find out what my rights are and possibly do plan B, get him out of the house. After I talk to the lawyer, I am to talk to Steve. The WS doesn't care about their spouse, doesn't care about their family, the wayward spouse is a selfish human. This is so unreal, that it makes one want to shake these people back to reality.<p>Lets get all the WS's and ship them away to a deserted Island, with no computers, no phones, no hairdressers, just the natural Island, and fend for themselves. I wonder who would survive? Would be interesting if they were to catch one fish, who would get to eat it? <p>Yes, we are in a miserable shape as you two are. I am a human with kindness and love. Husband doesn't want me, he wants this fantasy of in-love, one-flesh, bonding, etc. as posted by him. We are real humans with real hearts that they are talking about, not dolls to throw away and get a new one, or put a new head on a old doll, or put a new part on. We BS's have devoted our bodies, our life, our money, our time, our trust etc. to the WS. Yes, we didn't leave and have the fun and sex and everything else. We stayed with our spouse and no one else, but we got so burned.....ouch it HURTS!!!!!!!!!<p>All I can say is do what you have to. Go to Plan B and get her out. The pain you feel is so unreal, the WS doesn't realize the intensity of the pain. They say they do, but they can't until they have experienced it themselves.

Well I can't say I handled what she said in the best way. I did my best and when I did speak to here after she was there for two hours. I just said it did bother me but for her to have fun with her buddies. If I LB'ed well I am just sorry. I think I did handle it in a very cool way considering I didn't start yelling or something like that. I am just tired of feeling guitly when I just act normal about my feelings without having to be all nice. Nice for what???

Hi CG,<p>You and I sound like we're in similar positions in a way. Our WW's are cake eaters extrodinare (sp?). I hope you realize that much of her ability to think like she is (and treating you like she is) is because she's still living in a bubble in a sense. You are there for her, satisfying EN's, even though you don't notice it or think about it. Just our very presence means something to them - it's a security blanket. They can have fun outside the M, because they know they have it to go back to, if and when they feel like they want it.<p>That's why Plan B / separation (no, real separation, out of the house separation) is sometimes (yes, not always) important, I believe. In talking to Steve Harley this week, he said basically, "yeah, it's going to be necessary for you J.R.". (He did note that for me, it might make sense to "tailor" it a bit - not quite as extreme as the Plan B described in SAA, but we have more to talk about in terms of what it actually looks like.)<p>So yes, you are getting to the end of your rope. You realize you deserve better. I do too. (You're lucky at least that WW isn't boinking OM - mine is.)<p>If you can afford it, consider counseling with Steve or Jennifer related to transitioning from Plan A to Plan B. I'm not trying to sell their services, but I think there's plenty of subtleties involved that it might be worth it. I found my session this week helpful FWIW.<p>Remember to continue as strong a Plan A as you can up to the bitter end.... the transition should be sudden for maximum effect.<p>Good luck, stay strong...

This cake eating has to end sooner or later. My wife wants and gets to go with all the "good" things with me.
- Robin William tickets (Feb 26)
- Skiing in Colorado (March 3-8)
- Dave Matthews Band (April 26)
- Dave Matthews Band (April 27)<p>I am thinking about saying if you treat me like crap like you have been you aren't the one I am taking to do these things.
But when it comes to the simple times of her just being nice and spending time with me well that doesn't happen. Now she wants to be able to do what she wants and when she wants. She doesn't want me asking questions or getting upset with her staying out late.
How do I not LB but not act like a doormat. In order for me not to be a doormat I am going to say a few things that might make her upset or in the end I am making some LB withdraws. I want to say things that I will and will not tolerate her doing. Personally if she is getting the cake and eating it and I am providing some of the cake. Well thanks, but no thanks. If that is the case she is welcome to move out. I am tired of providing a nice house, a nice car, etc. for her.
Errrrr..............

I can completely relate to what you are feeling. This plan A thing makes me feel like a doormat for someone who has tromped on my heart and doesn't seem to care. How am I supposed to just sit there and take it when he is now trying to re-write history and say that our marriage has been less than fulfilling from the start (10 years) -- that's the first I have heard of this. I know that plan A is supposed to be for me to make me feel better about myself, but I feel like a doormat. I will keep trying because I don't feel like I have any other avenues to handle what I am feeling. Every day, every minute are a struggle to try and be a nice person in the face of this. It is so hard. Seeing others' posts on this board has kept me somewhat sane as I now know I am not the only loving and intelligent person that is being treated this way.

Everything you have written makes sense. There is now no longer any reason for her to change her attitude and continue to treat you like crap because she knows you are willing to accept it. The bottom line is that if one is willing to look and act like a doormat; is it any surprise that your wife perceives you as a doormat? You do not have to be co-dependent. When you allow someone to humiliate and disrespect you over and over again;
why in the world would she ever find that attractive? Stand up and stop kissing her [censored] and allowing her to do anything she wants to you. You need to show her that her actions have consequences and that she can no longer wipe her shoes on your heart and soul.

Confused-<p>Skiing in CO next week? I'm sitting here looking at 8" of new snow and it is still coming down hard. I know the mountains are getting hammered. Wish I could go along, but as a native, I cant afford it. Why not ditch the W and take me along instead?

Hey Confused Guy,<p>Jeez, do I know how you feel. I have no great advise just wanna say how sorry I am that you are going through this. It's the hardest thing in the world. <p>try your best to enjoy the activities you have scheduled together and not worry about the rest.<p>At least your WS is willing to do things with you. Mine can barely sit in the same room with me. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take Care, give yourself some time.<p>Needing

CG,<p>There is a time where you have to plan B, the time is closer for you. As for doormat thing, BS does it while focusing on plan A so that the focus become the changes not the LB'ed as the result from resenment. If you feel you have done humanly possible and clearly WS is a cake woman ... plan B is called for. Get Steve to help you out.<p>Like needing says ... many BS has to live with less what you have now.