I think my sister is having an affair. I don't know if it is an EA or PA, but I am pretty sure it's been going on for awhile. My H had an affair 3yrs. ago and I notice my sis doing the same things he did when his affair was going on.<p>I love my B-I-L, and don't want to hurt him or the kids. I want to tell my sis that I know what she is doing and it better stop! The problem is...NO PROOF !!! How can I tell her I know w/out her lying about it? Does anyone know how I can get ahold of her cell phone detailed call log?<p>I am so glad I found this sight. I wish I would have found it years ago!<p>Thanks in advance for the advice,
Rainbows

Well Rainbow!!<p>Welcome to MB am glad that you found us. There is a lot of wonderful info here on this site for you to read. Am not sure if there is anything specifically addressed in what you want to do. But look!!<p>Also look for a post from redhat as he has a lot of links listed in his signature line, that can be of help to you.<p>You said that your H had an affair 3 year ago, did you reconcile or just kind of go on or are your no longer together?<p>It is admirable that you want to help your sister and BIL. Am not sure how you can get her cell phone billing. You could tail your sis for a day or two and see what she is upto.....You could visit with her and lead the conversation into an area that would allow you to ask if there is anything that she would like to talk about..... You are the one that knows your sister (I don't have one) how do you think that you could bring this up with sis?<p>There are not a lot of people on here this late at night, so you may need to re post or bump this one up in the morning.<p>Again a Welcome to you!!!<p>I like the name Rainbow, makes me rember the promise that the Lord made to Noah!!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I can tell you what NOT to do. I'm the Mom of a single OW and I handled it all wrong.<p>One thing to remember is that while she does NOT know that you know, you have more power to talk to her (calmly) in a non judgemental way, about how she is doing and what she is doing. You have the ability to say,"Well Sis, I know you would never stoop to having an affair". You could dirrect her here to this great new sight, she might even read articals you have found that have been helpful to you [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Afterall, YOUR husband had as A and you are still deeling with it, right?<p>Once she has been confronted. She will be definsive and try to justify her behaivor. <p>Please approach this with knowledge. Read as much as you can here so you have some of the concepts down.<p>If you do talk to her about what you know, do so in an understanding way that shows no judgement. If she is strugleing she may confide in you IF she feels safe. She may listen to you if you can listen to her. <p>I have lost All ability to talk to my Daughter because I yelled at her and shamed her. I have no influnce on her as I handled it badly.<p>The learning cruve is steep so read and good luck.<p>She is lucky to have a sister like you.

You can check the call history on the cell phone itself if you can get ahold of it when she's not around (while she's in the bathroom maybe?).

Thank you all for your support and wisdom during this difficult time. I love my sis and her family so much and I don't want to say or do anything until I truly know how I should handle this situation. <p>Daybreak,
My H and I did reconcile after a year of Christian marriage counseling. It was the best money we ever spent!!! I am almost back to trusting him 100%. It has been a long road to travel to get back what we lost, but we are better know than we have been in along time. Thanks for asking.<p>Gottruth?,
Thanks for telling me what to expect and what you learned from your situation with your daughter. I will pray for you and your daughter that your relationship will be healed and that you can talk to her again w/out her feeling judged.<p>Conqueror,
Good idea! I will try that. Thanks for the information.<p>God bless,
Rainbows

Rainbows,<p>You love your sister and you would be doing her a disservice both as a sister and a friend if you don't tell her what you feel. She will probably deny it, of course, but just letting her know that she's not as good at hiding it as she thinks she is may help her cool it. It will at least give her something to think about.

diddallas,<p>You are so right. I have tried to talk with her before, but she doesn't open up to me. Instead of beating around the bush, maybe I should just flat out ask her! What do you think? <p>She is not good at hiding it either. Oher people outside our family are talking and wondering. I don't think my b-i-l has a clue and I don't want him to find out from someone else.<p>Thanks for your advice!
God bless,
Rainbows

Gosh, what a spot to be in. I think you had better first do your home work and get the facts together. The first response of your sister will be to DENY. If you do not have strong evidence, you will likely be the one made out to look bad. Do all the digging you can - there is a marriage at stake.<p>I suggest you also post this question on the "emotional needs" board. That one gets a lot more traffic and will likely get a better response. Good luck.

Rainbows,
Once again I go against the flow but I don't think you should spy on your sister.
If she knows about your H affair you could say just like you did here, "sis, you know I've noticed a lot of the same behaviour in you that I noticed in (H) when he was having A. I hope I am wrong and that your not tangled up in something. BUT I want you to know I would love you anyway, nothing you could do would make me not love you"
This way when the stuff hits the fan maybe she can call you and talk to you instead of feeling alienated by her family.