I posted a lot on here around X-mas. I found out my H of 8 yrs. was having an A with a co-worker(Nov. 1,2001) We went to counceling, the whole nine yards. H said they were "just friends". On X-mas eve I went through his e-mail and found out different. (Merry X-mas to me) Anyway, a barrage of lies ensued, yada,yada,yada, he moved out Monday. In the meantime I thought he was snorting.(cocaine)Everytime I accused him, he said I was crazy...I found a razor blade and a straw in his laptop bag, and even when confronted with this, told me it was for No-Doze. I got the straw tested,(which came back positive for coke) and he tells me now, that it was an isolated incident. This behavior started when he started seeing OW. He got the "stuff" from another co-worker who is also his bosses son. In the meantime he is supposed to take the kids this weekend. I'm not sure what to do. He is in complete denial over everything. The A, the OW, the lies, and the coke. I never had to deal with any of this before, especially the drugs. What should i do???<p>[ February 28, 2002: Message edited by: ARPOW ]<p>[ February 28, 2002: Message edited by: ARPOW ]</p>

seek out professional help...<p>I know they have al-anon for alcoholism... it may help for drugs too... or they may have a specific organization for drugs...<p>seek out info on co-dependency... it is important NOT to be an enabler... BrambleRose has posted much on co-dependency...<p>Good Luck and Hugzzz..<p>Cali

Arpow,<p>I have not replied to you before, but I did read through some of your earlier threads for some background.<p>If I understand it correctly, you and your H are living separately right now and your H is supposed to take your kids for the weekend at his place. You have just found out positively that he has been using cocaine, and you are concerned.<p>Well, it is completely understandable that you are worried. I would be really very freaked, to be perfectly honest. My first concern (having children of my own) is your H having care of your children when you now know he is using coke. Regardless of their age, the possibility that your boys will be around your H while he is under the influece of drugs is, IMHO, completely unacceptable. My instinct would be to cancel the stay at your H's place for the weekend. That might seem highly reactionary, but I would be very worried about the judgment (or lack of it) that their father might exhibit if he takes coke at anytime over the weekend, even if they are asleep or unaware; accidents and unexpected things happen, and parents simply cannot risk being high during an emergency.<p>As for what to do in the weeks to come, well, I think the drug use does add another element of difficulty to the situation. You might want to look up threads written by "sunrise1" (if I remember her username correctly). Her H was using drugs when his A started, he also took viagra in order to perform with OW, and after the A ended (which took some time) her H continued to struggle with addictions; one difference is that sunrise's H had a longstanding addiction problem. There are other MBers with experience in the 'drugs with A' scenario, but I cannot remember them off hand; I think sunrise's threads would show you who else had similar problems and perhaps you could post a thread asking specific members for their comments.<p>Are you still in C together? If so, this is definitely an issue to discuss at the next session. If not, then you need to consider how to approach the issue with him in a manner that will register. Do you have a paster/minister that you both trust, or a close and respected mutual friend who could help with an intervention? Denial won't get either of you anywhere and won't help you feel comfortable about your H parenting your kids.<p>I am very sorry for your most recent discovery.<p>Hugs,<p>[ February 28, 2002: Message edited by: OneDay ]</p>

My H also has resorted to purchasing Viagra on line. We stoped seeing the C around X-mas, after the e-mails were found. No we don't has a pastor, when we went to the C everything he told her was lie, so I don't think he would be honest with them either. His parents tried to have an intervention with him, he said I was lying, and denied everything. He only came clean with me (saying it was one time)only when I told him I had a test run and it came back positive for coke.
Before we started dating, he had a problem with it and quit. He told me on countless occasions he would never go near it again because he was afraid he would be an addict. His reckless behavior started when he started "seeing" this OW. Thank you for your advice i will check out the recomended posts.......

I droped off the boys last night for their first weekend with H. While I was saying good-bye H's phone rang, H's attitude changed as he talked and told whoever it was "they just got here, yea, I'll have to call you back." I knew it was OW. He said it was a male co-worker. My heart broke in a million peices. He was so cocky telling me how peacefull it was living alone (as I cry myself to sleep every night, missing him) When he moved out he gave me the impression it was temporary, last night his cocky comments told me different. Does this get easier? Do I have any right to tell H I don't want OW around my boys right now, not untill they get used to the idea of mommy & daddy not living in the same house? Do I have the right to tell him not to talk on the phone with her while they are around? He has Mon-Fri to "talk" to her. The weekend should be spent with his kids, not going out of his way to impress HER. Am I wrong? Anyone?