I am just feeling so low and hopeless today.<p>My H is withdrawing from me more and more. Since I lost my job last Tues, he has become so distant. I know he just feels trapped. He was going to move out next week and now feels a responsibility to stay. He did not take the apartment he wanted. He can barely look at me or say two words to me.<p>My aunt and uncle are here visiting. It's their anniversary and they are from WA and needed some sunshine, we are in AZ. They are infidelity survivors. They are wonderfull to be around. My H is very friendly with them. They are all going to go golf together. We are all going to go out for dinner tonight. (BTW, they know everything and my H knows they do) He is so much nicer to them than he is to me.<p>I just feel like my H has completly resigned himself to the fact that our M is over. He is just biding his time. I don't know. I know I need to just get on with my plife, and I will. It's just today. Today I am depressed and scared that I am becoming resigned to our M being over too. He wont let me near him. Emotionally or physically.<p>The next couple of weekends we are going to be pretty much apart. My parents are coming next weekend, staying at a resort and I am going to spend alot of time w

OK...that posted before I was done.<p>So, I'm going to spend time with them My H said to me this morning that he thought he would go out of town somewhere like the Grand Canyon for some alone/nature time. If he had any idea how much I would like to do that with him. It breaks my heart. At the same time I know it would be good for him, he needs time. Now if I could just get past that little fear that he would not be alone. <p>The weekend after that I am going to go to LA and spend some time with my best friend. I will leave our son w. him and just go relax. I am just starting to feel like I need to be away from him for a while. I don't know if thats good or bad. And at least w/losing my job I have the time to go do it now.<p>I don't know what Steve H would say about the way I'm feeling right now. I know I need to shake myself and get bac to being a safe and attractive place for my H. He is just so withdrawn right now that all he wants is for mw to leave hi alone. So I guess thats what I'll do.<p>Needing

Cry and Grieve. This is a process. You can't be strong all the time. Allow yourself to experience your pain. It is real, it is allowed, it is deserved, it is necessary. <p>I don't know what to say: there is no magic words to make you feel better. <p>You are worth so much more than what your getting from your H.

Needing-<p>I too am having a hard time these last few days, but as Luv says, it is a normal, necessary part of this process. Don't fight it, just let it take its course, don't bottle it up and be an iceberg, be the emotional healthy person you are. Sounds like you have some nice plans for the next few weeks, enjoy them, H be damned. Let him have his misery, no need to be a part of it. <p>W has been withdrawn from me as well and it hurts to feel so alone. A few times W has told me how much she misses my company, but that's it, no effort at getting back together from her end. I have been doing ok with it, but lately it has really been getting me down. I think I need to take a mini-vacation, just by myself.<p>Please know that I am thinking of you, you are not alone in this. Take care of yourself and remember that you have made a lot of progress, you can and will survive this awful experience.
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Thank you both.<p>I did allow myself the morning to just be. I posted my feelings and thoughts here. Took a nap. And I really feel al little bit better. (The cramps are probably not helping my mood [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>Time to get up and get moving now. My aunt and uncle will be back from golf in a couple of hours, gonna get some stuff done so we can just relax and enjoy the sunshine this afternoon. Think I will take my dear aunty up on her offer and just let her take care of me for a bit. As I said before, she know where I am and how I feel. She has survived this, the two of them are a true inspiration to me right now. You would have a hard time finding a more loving and devoted couple. <p>Thanks for the thoughts, I know we all have down days, when the WS is being particularly distant or angry. I'll hang in. (Looking forward to my spa day with Mom next Saturday [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>Needing