I was wondering if any of your WS are in the Reserves or National Guard and use this time away from home to be with the OP?

Yep, 'fraid so. I found out for sure about my H's year-long A one month after he was activated in Desert Storm. They were both in the flying squadron (tho were sent to different locations during DS). That time was pure, unadulterated hell for me - not because of the war and his job - but because I felt totally destroyed and so out of control of everything. I was 23 with a 2 year old son. He cut off the relationship with her by phone. I'd already talked to her by then, and told her the REAL truth about our marriage. He'd given her the "my wife doesn't understand me and we're really separated, just living together for the sake of the child...blah, blah, blah" routine. She knew it could get very ugly for her in the military (probably because I threatened to make it so [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ) so she dropped out of the picture and switched units ASAP. <p>I didn't know it was possible to be that damaged and hurt inside and survive. But I did. <p>My H is also a cop, and that uniform attracts its own set of "badge bunnies" and co-workers, unfortunately. Hence both EA's referred to in my sig below. <p>What's with the power trip of the uniform? Geez! H is such a sweet and caring person, and has felt terrible after each situation. Why can some people resist all temptation, and others just can't, no matter how good it is at home?<p>Sorry to be so long winded, answering such a short question. Thanks for letting me share just a bit of my sad story. <p>BTW, recovery is going very well -- again. Hopefully for good this time. <p>at peace<p>[ March 01, 2002: Message edited by: at peace ]</p>

Is (was) your WS in the military, Acme? <p>at peace

Yep, mine's in the reserves. He was on active duty at an AF base when he met the other woman at the officers club. Infidelity seems to run rampant in the military, just more of the "boys will be boys mentality". I HATE the military! [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]

Yes, my husband is in the Reserves.( Lt.Col.) I have some insecurities about the time is gone (He drills about 3 hours from home). I have "red flag" feelings but no proof. Thanks for the replies.

My H is in the National Guard. That is how he and the OW met, she was a private right out of boot camp and he is her SSG. I used to be proud that my H was in the Guard. Now I hate it.

I hate the military, too. For the most part, the "powers- that-be" in the ANG don't care who's fraternizing with whom. Adultery is rampant in the ANG, just like in full-time active military. It's almost like it's just considered part of the job description, and no one really takes it seriously. Lots of the guys who knew me from the base knew about my H's relationship with this woman, but NOBODY told me! H also worked at the base full time - night shift - so he had plenty of time to be with OW in the base barracks when she came in early for drill weekend (she lives out of state, thank God). <p>Unfortunately my H got activated again this week -- for a year. He'll be flying out in 10 days, but will be flying back & forth in 30-45 day intervals. I'm in fear about the trust issue - not just for while he's away, but the time he'll spend at home with too much time on his hands. <p>One day at a time.<p>at peace

This was a fairly new unit for my H, so I didn't know alot. If this had occured in his old unit (which I do not think would have happened) the OW would be hamburger and I would not have had to do a thing. You see they all went through our pregnancy, our D grew up crawling on the HETTs, she was a flower girl for his squad leader, we attended weddings, etc. She is thinking of transferring to that unit. H was, now he isn't sure. In a way I hope that she doesn't keep her mouth shut and talks to people there about it...it would be interesting to see what would happen. But, I need to turn that thought over to God, it isn't the way I should be thinking....but it was fun while it lasted [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]

yes, my H is in the guard and while he was gone for 9 months is when they started talking and when he came home things weren't right between us so we seperated and one month later is when the A happened.

Acme, Don't ignore the red flags. My H is also a Lt. Col. in the reserves, he has finally told me more than I could bear to hear. Almost all of the pilots in his squadron slept with women when they were on dets. Single women, married women, other officers wives, it didn't matter... [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] He has said that the phrase "what goes on det. stays on det. " was always recited by the commanding officer. Great honor code huh? <p>I insisted that he take down all of his military awards, plaques, swords, etc. etc. I told him to get a box and put them in the attic, or I would put them all in the trash.<p>The years we spent in the military are all so horribly tainted now that I know that most of my friends were being lied to just like I was. We were busy taking care of the homefront, children, bills, while out H's were off sampling the "local flavors" [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I was just so trusting... [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Just for the record, my WS is in the Federal Reserves. Also a Lt at prison. Met ow at training for corrections. Uniforms do seem to attract. Is it the macho self centered attitude that goes with the position?

Oh Oh Oh--I just had to reply to this one. . .<p>My husband and I were both active duty, him Marine Corps, me, Army. He got commissioned and went to TBS in VA while I stayed behind at my duty station in WA state--proud of him and waiting for him.<p>This is where he had his affair.<p>You know what makes me so angry?!!!!!! It's the fact that some of those other officers, men who would command troups at some point in the future, knew about my husband and his girlfriend. They all knew, and they covered for him. They joked with him about it. They thought he was a stud. They laughed at me when I called to leave a message for him for being a cuckold--people that didn't even know me. WHEN I didn find out, I was branded as being "crazy" and trying to destroy my old man's career by making waves.<p>You had better believe that what goes TDY stays TDY.<p>My husband is gone right now to Korea--and he was angry when I complained about where he was staying and who he was with every night that he had free. I guess that I should just be trusting, after all, we've recovered and put the past behind us, right? (major sarcasm.)

double<p>[ March 01, 2002: Message edited by: Bernzini ]</p>

Just for the record, my WS is in the Federal Reserves. Also a Lt at prison. Met ow at training for corrections. Uniforms do seem to attract. Is it the macho self centered attitude that goes with the position?