Well, Day, I still have way more questions than answers about all of this stuff, but I think the key is to treat this as any other "unbeliever" situation, meaning as if you were married to an unbeliever. And in some ways it is even worse because they do have all the Bible knowledge and background, so my H is correct in that it is pointless to quote scripture to him, even just for reassurance.<p>He was raised in a Christian home and lived as a committed Christian most of his life, so I know there's enough in his head for God to work with. My H can run, but he can't hide. I can even think of things HE has said in the past to me and others about the still small voice and how you will just keep bumping up against it no matter how hard you try to pretend it isn't there.<p>My H is VERY picky about hypocrisy right now. For instance, he had a run-in with someone the other day who took the Lord's name in vain in conjunction with the word "damn", and my H's response was, "I'm not even TRYING to be a good Christian right now, and I wouldn't treat God's name that way." In telling me what happened, he constantly referred to all the messages in print around their house, on their car, and on their answering machine referring to God and the Bible and how inconsistent all that was with how they behave.<p>That reinforced to me that I am doing the right thing by not talking about any spiritual or religious issues. I think of I Peter 3 where it says, "if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives." I take that to mean that we leave the word out of our conversation, but keep our conversation, both verbal and nonverbal, consistent with the word.<p>I think the only way a rebellious Christian will "hear" the word is if we live it and let God do all the talking. I think the strongest message we can give is to recognize and work on our own beam and leave their mote to God.<p>My H has verbalized that he wants to get back to who he used to be and knows he will. I think that is unrealistic. He can't ever be who he used to be, but maybe he can be who God helps him to be. Maybe I can, too.<p>My best advice is to do your communing with God privately--Bible study, prayer--so it won't feel to your H like it's getting shoved in his face (the most seemingly benign things will feel that way to a rebel). I even put all the books about marriage and affairs out of sight so as to provide a nonjudgmental environment, and I do all my reading and posting on this site when he is not here.<p>If there's any talk about God or the Bible or any religious issues, it is by him, and I just listen, agree with what I agree with and remain silent when I don't. So far, he hasn't asked me anything, but if he did, I would try my best to just point to the answer in the Bible and let God do the talking.<p>I remember talking to my oldest friend when she was a WS, and she was lamenting to me that she kept begging God for a sign to convince her that what she was doing was wrong, and I said, He already did, and I didn't have to say anything else because she knew what I was talking about (Thou shalt not commit adultery).<p>One of the things I'm thinking about lately is the one voice that we hear on that thread I started about the things WS say, and we all know whose voice that is, who the pilot of the mothership is.<p>I'm going to re-read Neil Anderson's books, Victory Over Darkness and The Bondage Breaker, and do some serious warfare work around here. And I'm also going to re-focus on seeking the kingdom instead of focusing so much on my H, my M, my needs. I've kind of drifted off-course. Strengthening our own R with God is always the first step. Hope my rambling gave you some ideas that might help.<p>[ March 01, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>
