WS has a Personality Disorder. I've been told by T that MB principles won't work. T recommended a new MC. We had seen an SW for 6 months, but she didn't seem to understand WS's PD and seemed inept at handling the circumstances. Finally she seemed to just give up. My T said she did us a favor and referred me to someone new. Last night WS cried and told me doesn't like things the way they are. I had called new MC yesterday, but he just called me back today. Told me he only works with committed couples and wanted to be sure that WS was committed to MC so I should have WS call and schedule appointment. I gave WS particulars and told WS that new MC wanted WS to call and schedule appointment. WS said that no matter how many MC's we have I will never believe anything WS says because WS has lied so many times, so what is the point. Without MC I believe marriage is over. Does anyone think there is any hope? I have confidence in new MC, but without WS's buyin, what's the point? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

The question I would be asking (and not of anyone on this board) is: Does WS WANT your marriage to work? >>>IF<<< you could believe WS again, would WS want it to work?<p>If he/she (don't know, sorry) seems to be sincere in the affirmative, well then, I'd think it's worth a shot, and maybe the new MC CAN help. Even if WS is lying (or merely unsure), but sounds convincing, I certainly think MC would/could help.<p>Trust will certainly take time to rebuild, but I believe it CAN be rebuilt (in most cases).<p>Take care,
Kev

Dear sad1,<p>I am sorry you are having such a hard time getting compentant help for your W. Can you call Steve for support for you? Then maybe Steve H. can guide you to help find someone closer. <p>L.

Thanks Kevco and Orchid....<p>I think it is possible that trust could be restored, but it would be a very long road. I'm willing to work on it rather than throw away a 21 year relationship, BUT, the biggest question is whether my WS is willing to work on it. It's especially difficult because WS can lie to me while looking directly at me with a straight face. It's happened over the years when I knew the answer to questions I asked and WS told me lies.<p>The new MC that I was referred to seems to be 100% better just from the short discussion he and I had on the phone. The problem is my WH is very pessimistic about the possibility of this or any MC being able to help us. <p>I ask myself everyday whether WS is committed to working on this marriage. WS still works with the OP(s)(?) that were involved in the EA's or PA's. I never know whether WS is sincere when things are said. Sometimes it seems like an act and that WS is fishing to see just how much I know about what occurred. WS has told me very little, and nothing that can be proved. If I press the issue and suggest ways to prove things to me, WS just refuses to do whatever I suggest.<p>I feel like I'm being forced into filing for divorce because after 8 months of this rollercoaster and 12 years of lies, I don't know what else to do. Nothing reaches WS.<p>As for counseling with the Harleys, I would really like to try counseling with the new counselor who specializes in the PD my WS has, but how do I convince WS that not all counselors are the same and this one may be able to help.

just curious, but what PD does he have? My WH is also a liar...can look at me and lie until I show him the hard proof, and then he lies about the reasoning behind it. (i.e., "I was sending her those txt msgs because I knew she would forward them to you and I was so hurt since you were leaving, I wanted to hurt you."<p>Good luck in your situation! My WH says he wants help and wants our family, but I don't know if it is just another lie.<p>I wish I had some advice for you, but I'm pretty advice-less these days. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]