Well, I am definitely not trying to start any trouble here, but I have made a few observations, being a scientist that is what I am good at doing so here goes. <p>It seems to me that alot of people here respond to the ADULTERERS that come on here and ask for advice...two WS in particular stand out. Meanwhile, alot of us BS are here needing answers, comfort, and guidance, yet we may get 5 or 10 responses, while the WS posting here receive 5 times that number of posts....I wonder why that is? Does everyone just enjoy a good juicy saga? Well, I know I may not post here daily, but I read here daily. I myself recently posted a question needing input...thank you to the few people that did respond. It is kind of disheartening to come here, need answers or advice and get very little attention...oh well, guess us BS's will just have to live with it!!!

truthiseek,<p>Well, as a fellow scientist, I can offer a few conjectures. Perhaps it is "juicy gossip", but my thinking is that there are many more BS here than WS. The advice given to the BS is often very similar or in fact the same: time and patience. So, everyone gets tired of offering the same advice. <p>Now the second variation of that is: It is expected that you will see what you need in the many BS posts. <p>But, my real thinking on this is that as you post advice, ask questions, and generally interact on other peoples threads, they begen to notice yours and respond in kind. It often takes some time, especially with the number of people now posting.<p>The WS' often post things that just fires people up. It is not intentional but it does strike some tender places. <p>So have some patience, keep posting, and I am sure you will get the help you need.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

Something that's "wrong" requires action. Something that isn't "wrong" requires no action.<p>We often treat people the same way. If they're doing something we see as "wrong," we're likely to speak up and try to correct it. If they're doing nothing "wrong," we often say nothing to them.<p>What WSs are doing is seen as more "wrong" than most things BSs are doing. So the WSs get more attention--and correction.

It's true that it's difficult to answer the same questions over and over again. I know with me, I may read a post and a flurry of info I should share comes to mind... but I just don't have the energy to type it all out! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] And that's because I answered a similar question to someone else, somewhere down the line.<p>I recall reading your last thread, twice actually, but I didn't respond because I honestly didn't know what to say. That goes for a LOT of us on here. Haven't you done the same thing? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Then of course there's the scenerio where one person has answered, and I'll agree with the suggestions, so IMO, there's no need to type it all out again.<p>If it makes you feel any better, be rest assured, that for every posted response you get, there are at LEAST 10 times that many who have read it. That includes the 'lurkers' of course. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Sometimes it's just good to know that people are reading what we write.<p>I think the juicy gossipy rule does apply to the WS's getting more responses though. I know for me, if I do respond, it's because something has really triggerred me (usually having something to do with kids). And I'll continue updating myself on threads I've contributed to... so I'm sure that can keep the number of responses up as well.<p>Are those enough excuses for you? [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care,
Karen

truth,<p>I think we are trying to understand the mindset of the WS's here, so that we might better understand our own WS's. And perhaps we do get carried away sometimes trying to help them see OUR point of view, so that they might understand their BS better.<p>As far as receiving help, it does take time and patience, to give the other members time to get to know you a little bit. There's nothing wrong with bumping your own thread up for more help, or re-posting your questions perhaps re-worded for clarity. <p>I also found that the more I posted my opinions and support for others, the more support I would get when I need it. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thanks for bringing up an issue that might indeed need a little attention.<p>[ March 01, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

Thanks to all of you for your input. I realize posting to others will indeed be returned in favor. I know people don't want to post the same thing over and over again either. I just made an observation and felt it necessary, you know that healing thing [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] going on here, to voice my opinion. I may not have a thousand or more posts, but I do still come here daily to read, post when i can help, and to find comfort among others like myself. Just my 2 cents and wanted others 2 cents as well. Thanks

I think the WS gets more post for several reasons but the reason that I usually post to a WS is:<p>If they are truly trying to or have broken from the OP & want to rebuild their marriage.<p>I would have given anything except my sons for my STBX to have done that & I would have loved for him to have recieved support.

I have to say I get feeling the same way at times. Only 2 or 3 people answer my posts but some others can have up to 30 repsonses. I have often wondered why.....one thing I think is that many people get to know others from long term posting and all human beings are more comfortable with those they know. That is why there are cliques in the world. <p>But, my real thinking on this is that as you post advice, ask questions, and generally interact on other peoples threads, they begen to notice yours and respond in kind. It often takes some time, especially with the number of people now posting.<p>I do believe this statement is very true but some of us don't have an abundance of wise words so we trail behind others and just do alot of lurking. I have often got small amount of responses but most of the time they were exactly what I needed to hear. So quantity is not all it is cracked up to be.....quality is cool.

Well, I'm not a scientist, but I play one on TV...ok, that's just a lame joke, but it cracked ME up. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>But seriously, I agree with JL's #3 & #4:
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>But, my real thinking on this is that as you post advice, ask questions, and generally interact on other peoples threads, they begen to notice yours and respond in kind. It often takes some time, especially with the number of people now posting.<p>The WS' often post things that just fires people up. It is not intentional but it does strike some tender places. <hr></blockquote><p>Please don't feel bad if you need to bump yourself. Folks ARE reading, and WILL respond to you. Also, do try to open some dialogs with some folks, maybe someone who shares similar experiences or whose viewpoints you generally agree with. Get your foot in the door, and they'll notice your posts when they come up and will be more likely to respond.<p>Most of all, keep posting. You will get help here.<p>Kev

Hi truth,<p>I am a science teacher with a masters degree and 20 years experience. Do I qualify? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I agree with your observation. Sometimes a reader empathizes with a post but doesn't have experience in that particular situation. Or others have covered the reply well. And I agree with tossedwave that it's quality that counts.<p>I reread several of your earlier posts and am impressed with your resilience. Your H's behavior is truly pathetic. Sometimes there is just no answer to our "Whys?" That's just how it is. The problem is within them, and the behavior of the WS is totally out of our hands no matter how hard we try. Healing comes with acceptance that we can recover even without our WS, and that they will have to live with the consequences of their choices. Also, I don't believe that divorced adulterers live happily ever after.<p>My son is BS who is still waiting (one year this month) for his W to go no contact with OM who is a lieutenant in the AF. Son surely has wanted to contact OM's superiors, but hasn't so far.<p>I am sorry for your painful situation. Knowing that it is not your fault doesn't make it hurt any less. Like you, my son has been through an agonizing year, and the end is still not in sight for him. The anguish continues, but like you, he will be OK eventually. As he says, he is bruised, but not broken.<p>Wishing you well,
Estes

Thank you Estes for your thoughts on my situation, and for taking the time to read my earlier posts. I know there aren't any answers to the whys and I think that is what hurts most. But, I am trying to move on, it just seems when I have taken two steps forward, I turn around and take 4 steps backward. But, things will get better and I know in my heart that I tried to do everything I knew how to do at the time to save my marriage. <p>I am so sorry that your son is going through the pain of waiting and the pain of his W affair. My thoughts and prayers are with both of you.

I too, have observed the same thing. Don't know why that is. I do think that some people here have covered the possibilities. It is disheartening some. <p>
But people are really good if they can see that you are distressed they will respond and usually be theree in support.<p>Baasically just wanted to let you know that someone did read your post and took the time to respond. And add their 2 cents!!!!<p>Dawn

Hi TW,<p>I think the answer is simpler than that. Only a few people here are interested in understanding the BS perspective. They generally either feel it themselves or want out from the M. BS's on the other hand are very interested in the WS perspective. I know I was.<p>I now suspect that I know enough to realise the truth. It is what YOU DO that makes the difference. Actions speak louder than words. Research has its place and its purpose is to define the correct action. I hope soon I'll browse less, act more and post a success story.