I just have to vent and this is the only place where I feel I can just let it all hang out. <p>Finally after all these years I have come to understand why I have lingering issues with the divorce/affair. <p>My ex was involved in an affair for a few weeks when he confessed to me. I fell apart. I cried a lot, made some amazingly stupid mistakes (like getting speeding tickets while in divorce zombie state) and basically just couldn't seem to think straight. <p>Whenever he would make contact I would alter between trying to be cheerful to being a witch with my pain and anger. During that first weekend alone I paged him and cried for hours on the phone trying to figure out what went wrong and gory details about the affair. ( The whole time she was in ear shot) I basically made a fool of myself because I wanted him back so bad and was afraid to be alone. ( I was young) <p>I became so insulted and angered that he would relay any event or divorce related discussion back to her for her input. (She was also divorcing her husband for my ex) Any contact that we had she would find out about. I'm not sure if he volunteered the info or she pried it out. Basically I felt ganged up on by them. <p>Eventually after about 5 months of watching my self esteem hit rock bottom, I even stooped so low as to try to seduce him back and lost lots of weight in efforts to compete with her, I finally gathered up what remained of my confidence and filed for divorce. <p>It's been over 4 years since this all happened and I have moved on and remarried but I know I still have this residual anger at the both of them but more towards her. <p>And here is how I feel and I wonder if anyone else has felt this way towards the OP? <p>I'm mad because she made fun of my pain
I'm mad because she called me weak
I'm mad because she couldn't understand that my actions were a result of confussion and pain and not that I was unstable or revengeful
I'm mad because her life maintained it's course and I felt torn
I'm mad because she became entangled in my divorce so it was a divorce between 3 people instead of the 2 marriage partners
I'm mad because she never once questioned his character, only mine and that I must be a ***** or somehow a failure and he was the "innocent" spouse.
I'm mad because she became so overly protective of him and treated me as if I was the OW- (shocking)
I'm mad because she took over and erased all traces of me<p>
I'm mad at myself because I harbored all those feelings for all these years and just now figured out how to put it into words<p>
They never understand our side of the story do they? I know I can't or won't ever make her understand and I have no contact with the ex but in my "what if" world I'm always setting her straght. <p>
Wow I feel so much better now, thanks for reading and letting me get that of my chest.

Great Post,<p>Think that is what I need to do too. Someday I would love to face her tho.<p>I think I will send her flowers when the divorce finally goes through...she doesn't know what she is getting into.<p>Take Care Pat

Hi SlowlyHealing,<p>Yes, I'm there with you, I felt the OW was privi to too much private information about me, it was as if they (H & OW) had nothing better to talk about. I can imagine she would ACT so understanding when my H was boo hoo'ing to her about how I was such a horrible wife. While all along she was stock piling info for ammunition if the day arose where my H would start back-peddling out of the A, which he did. (fence sitting)<p>Then She (OW) used that ill gained info to verbally attack me in the most profoundly hurtful way. She was vile and as vulgar as you can get ... and "YES" I'm still mad about the fact he shared that information with her, it was none of her business, it was our (his and mine) private married life, somewhere she didn't belong. <p>It's amazing to me what women will do to other women to GET a man. Good Lord ... is this what a marriage or a relationship is all about to them, winning THE prize at all costs, harassing a complete stranger. I still am in dis-belief at the gall.<p>Jo<p>[ March 01, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>