H went on a ski weekend with the boys. Called his mom to let her know he arrived safely. Called MIL later on to talk to D. Didn't contact ME at all.<p>Didn't have to, I guess...wishful thinking. I know, yes, I must move on BUT, down in the dumps anyway.

T-<p>Just popping in to see how you are doing. Wish I could stick around but I gotta take S to b-ball practice.<p>Do something fun for yourself today, go somewhere you like, just get out for a while. I'll try and check back in a bit later today.<p>Take care of yourself, I'll be thinking of ya.

Just a quick note to let you know that I'm thinking of (and praying for) you today.<p>Take care,
Kev

Just some thoughts to encourage you....Get yourself out of the way of pity....Pity can eat you alive. Don't let your thoughts go there. Fight the urge to base your whole happiness on your WS. Someone told me once in the middle of my WS A that I could not expect any emotional support from him so don't let myself go there. WS is not capable of any caring or support of S while involved with OW. That is just the nature of this monster called infidelity. It robs the adulterer of caring for what is important. Do you have a friend you can go do something fun with? <p>Don't let WS rule your happiness...work on you...find answers to the struggles that are right in TODAY only. Learn how to move forward with or without WS. You have to be prepared for whatever happens. <p>(((((((((((terrified))))))))<p>In my prayers,
TW

My ex is on a ski trip too. Supposedly with the boys but I highly doubt it. It just wrecks me once in a while when he leaves town for a couple of weeks to live it up. Whenever I want to go away he won't take the kids because he has to work. Because I'm a stay at home mom he thinks I just sit on my a** all day and collect the checks he sends us.<p>Anyway, I know how you feel and it's so painful. When my ex first left two years ago, he would go out of town with his girlfriend, call the kids and treat me as if I was the babysitter. It absolutely sent me into a rage.<p>Good luck. I'm thinking of you.<p>Love,
BB

Terrified,<p>Maybe this is a really good time for you and daughter to have a mom/daughter day! Shoot, you could even take her skating ... just you and her.<p>I'm sorry your H didn't ask to talk to you, but just know that may have been a good thing, that way he didn't ruin your day. <p>C'mon honey, try and get yourself outta this slump, and make plans for you and daughter, or just for you today and tomorrow .... you can do stuff just for YOU, because no one knows what makes you happy better than you. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Lv,
Jo<p>[ March 02, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Hi Terrified,<p>I've been posting a lot recently and trying to deal with a WS situation. I've been given some tough advice but I know it's right. I'm passing it on now so I can help you and help me. This may hurt but it will save a lot of pain if can grasp it.<p>Your pen name says it all. While you are paralysed with fear you cannot take the actions you need to get the outcome you desire. You are in a competition. You need to present a positive image to win. Self-pity and depression are not positive images. You are responsible for the image you portray. The best way to look positive is to be positive.<p>Accept the reality of your situation. You cannot change it until H and OW fall out in some way. This gives you a window of opportunity to build yourself. It's not a trick or a ploy - really do it. Become the person you want to be and ignore your **** of a husband for the moment. It's a life plan and it may get him back or you may choose to reject him - YOUR choice. <p>There's loads of stuff on this site to help you identify what was missing in your M. Read it and use it. Don't let your deep seated attitudes and habits work against you, change them for the better.<p>The whole ghastly experience is worth nothing if you can't learn from it.<p>Good luck.

Terri,
Consider yourself "boosted" [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
Hope today is a better day for you!
I really liked what tossedaway said -- seemed very appropiate to me!
Along those same lines, have you read the Dbson book, "Love must be Tough?" He talks about recovery and reconcilation, but with a slightly different slant, although many of the MB are apparent in his process -- like we have to act with respcet towards WS, in order to set standard to get it back (big paraphase & inference on my part) and I could learn more from this as well.
Your DH knows how to hand out the pain & his actions that we hear about seem very abusive.
Sounds to me he is still being a cakeman to a degree and as long as he thinks you don't want to seperate under any circumstance, I believe in his world, (although totally unfair!) this gives him opportunity to do what he wants & treat you as he wishes.
Human relaltionships are difficult and I have done a terrible job in negiating my rights in my relationship with my DW, but I believe that they can take us for granted too easily sometimes and spending time for yourself & detaching from him so to speak, can help -- like others have said, perhaps you need to give him more of an idea what it would be like w/o you. You would not have to throw it up in his face like with divorce papers or formal seperation or plan B kind of letter, the suttle approach ... or perhaps you need to be a little more direct with formality to get his attention.
From my perspective, from what I recall at least, it does not seem he really pushes the D thing. ?? I know he initiated the move out and all, but he seems to use the D thing more as a threat to try and push your buttons -- ??
If he is so in love with this OW I guess the honorable thing to do is to move out & not be doing the email thing or whatever, there in your home, but I don't get the sense he is the most honorable guy??
This may be too painful for you, but I just wonder if there is more to his story, like is there some OW that is not overseas?
I have perhaps a wild & crazy idea. To show him your strength and ability to address the issues, head on, I am wondering that if you are not proceeding with the D thing, you have some rights to know more about what it is exactly he is up to. I have a strong sense that there are many secrets that he is covering up -- I mean, in a sense if you are to recovery & reconsile, IMO, I think it would help to determine exactly what it is you are up against -- your competition so to speak.
I know it happens & perhaps more than we care to ackowledge perhaps, but if his relationship with the OW is instant messenger & e-mail, what's up with that?? Is he perhaps hooked on porn through the internet ??-- he may have far more issues & demans than you imagine ... [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] Have he & OW made specific plans to co-habitat when she gets back & when is she getting back? He seems to have all the control & call all the shots -- somehow, IMHO, I believe you need to grab some power in this relationship -- otherwise, it is in a big time stalemate with it always being his move! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]
Love & prayers to you!
HH

T-
I said I'd be back and here I am, a little late though. Just wanted to see how you are doing. Did the weekend go well? Do anything special? Whats your plan for the coming week?<p>I just made a post about something WHO shared with me a long time ago and thought you would gain something from it. Its called "For all BS's having a hard time with uncommitted WS's" Please take a moment to read it.

(((T)))<p>Sorry I missed your call for a boost.<p>I want to offer a slightly different opinion. Don't "make yourself happy." If you ignore the pain, that's a recipe for depression and resentment. Work through it, as best you can.<p>Can you use the pain creatively - write a story, poem, song? Can you determine more exactly what causes the pain and use that to grow?<p>Example: if the pain is because you are borrowing pain from the future because it is always going to hurt so much -- dismiss that, you DON'T know what the future holds.
If the pain is because he isn't recognizing you as part of his life, that is valid, but recognize that you have no control, and that often help (me, at least) to accept the pain as the price of me taking the risk of love. I reconfirm that I choose to love and the pain is there, but more manageable.
If the pain is because you think you didn't do something right, go back to control issues - you can't control what he does.
If the pain is worse than usual because you haven't had enough sleep, or it's that time of the month, etc., recognize those factors and take care of yourself...<p>Now I'd better go practice what I preach.