Well I kept pulling further away from my husband, I felt him pulling from me. He acted like everything was OK, but I felt the distance creeping back in. I finally bit the bullet and contacted the OW. Turns out he has been leading her on too. There has been kissing but no sex since early December (OW and WH stories are the same), but since she has transferred to a different location, it has mainly been text messaging and a few phone calls and a few 5 minute meetings. Wh finally brought home his detailed billing for Jan, and it shows that he never stopped contact. He told me the whole truth about the A (well more than he had before because he didn't know what the OW told me). She told me that he promised that they would be together and be a family blah blah...he admits that he "led her on." The thing was all he did was apologize to me everyday, show remorse, everything I WS in recovery is supposed to do...even wanted to renew our vows and everything! But he never stopped it with her. He says he was so scared of being alone that he strung her along as I was waffling back and forth. I don't know what to do or think...I'm beginning to think my husband has severe personality problems. I don't care if he loves another woman...why does he have to lie about it over and over again? He's talked to his mother (I overheard), he wants help, he doesn't know why he does this knowing how bad it hurts me, I am just plain scared. What really hurts is when I found out I was at work. The minute I told WH it was over he kept calling and calling and calling. The OW e-mailed me and said he wasn't contacting her. Then I finally told WH that I was going to talk to a lawyer. He kept asking "Is there even a glimmer of hope?" etc etc. Of course I was REALLY upset and blew my top and said "NO!" along with a lot of other things. Then the OW forwards me the messages he starts sending her. Ones like "XXXX and I are over. The assurance is there. You will always be in my heart" and "We both knew what we were getting into when we started. I still want the same thing as before. The bumps and bruises were to come. I love you and will always." And even worse... Of course he came home and we talked and he didn't call her THAT night, but I don't know what to do anymore, I don't know what I want. Those messages hurt me so bad...<p>And the scary part is I talked to him all during the day while he was at work and talked to him as he went to work and as he came home, she transferred, and there still is contact. We have been in supposed recovery and going to MC for months, having SF everyday, I just feel like such a loser for still being here. I am really scared that he has some internal flaw. ANy help out there.<p>By the way, my instinct has been right about everything...he did send her flowers on valentines like I suspected and all sorts of things...but I am in shock about how deep it all went. He met her in July and by August theye were texting eachother obscene things, by Aug. she provided oral sex, Sept they had sex in a car, in October he went to her house, in Nov. he spent the weekend with her while I was out of town. I feel so sick.

Hi weRtrying,<p>Checking out your sig, it appears that the first d-day was near the start of January... so it's really been out in the open for what, 2 months now? I know it seems like forever - but in terms of A's - it's still fairly young. Basically, it doesn't matter how long it was going on BEFORE d-day. (Some days I wonder if it matters how long it goes on AFTER d-day, but that's another story.)<p>So I know it's difficult. At the 2 month mark, we'd never even had a "false recovery" - might have been nice in a sad, sick sort of way (at least I'd have had some SF [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] !!)<p>As you've undoubtedly seen and read, these things have their own schedules. We can't do anything to influence them, except work on ourselves. Even in the cases we see of people going through with the big Dv, it's usually because the BS has had enough - the A sometimes outlives the M, but rarely lives forever (about 3% I believe).<p>Think Plan A / Plan B as best you can, even though it's hard to think, period. I honestly believe in the principles they're based on, and it gives you something to work with - a plan!<p>Hang in there, read (or re-read) SAA. Do something nice for yourself, too!

WeRtrying,<p>Really don't have any words for you, never hit the recovery phase. Don't feel like a loser tho as that is not what you are and never will be, so don't think that.<p>JR gave you some good info and he is right go do something for yourself, take your little guy and get an icecream, go hang out at a McDonalds with a play yard if that is something your little guy can do, go stroll though the mall. Do whatever but do it for yourself, get a good book and take a long bath!!! Calagon!!!!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Each time it happens it feels a little worse. We were in recovery for almost 2 years, and things kept coming up. Even if it wasn't something he was doing at that time, it still hurt to find out that he had done it.<p>I am divorced now, all of like 3 weeks or so, and I had a d-day on this past Thursday night. How silly is that?! All I know is that [censored] really messed with my head.<p>Prepare yourself for more, be happy if nothing else comes out.<p>Be careful how you throw around saying no chance ever. Every time I was mad and said that he would call her to let her know things were back on again.<p>Stay strong.<p>Elizabeth