How can you love somebody so much and then be so angry at them at the same time? I honestly do not think that anyone on this earth could love my H as I do. I literally fought my way through my own internal hell to love this man in the way he deserves to be loved and now I can't even do it. Almost everyone says that he will be home soon. Well, I want him home now!!!! I miss him now!!!! And when I look into the future I can't picture it without him, no matter how hard I try. Not that I wouldn't be O.K., but I do not want to be a single mother. D deserves more, she deserves what H and I had planned for her, the advantages of both parents, a mother that was at home for her when she got home from school, and the yard with the dogs...I fought so hard,just for it to feel like it is slipping away from me. Why hasn't he even called his daughter. Another WS said that he probably already wants to come home, but doesn't know how to... I can only imagine what is being fed into his mind. He can shut me out so easily...and I am the one who really loves him. How can he think that something so fake/false is real and true? I know the fog, I guess that I am having a really bad day.

Patience, Faith, patience. I know how hard this is for you. It is a pain that cuts to your very core. And there is NOTHING you can do to fix it quickly. BUT you can wait him out. When you get to the point where you think you can't stand his disrespect one second longer, try to think of him as a lost soul rather than an evil person. Whatever his motivations are, he is helplessly lost in a state of delusion that everyone but he can see is wrong and self-destructive. MB says to provide a safe place for WS to return to by avoiding LB, meeting EN, etc.<p>Sure is HARD though. Try to think of WH as the prodigal son. Maybe that will help a little.<p>Take care,
Estes

Faith.
I know how you are feeling. You are so angry at his actions. How he could have left you, and your dreams for the future for some phony, self serving crap. You deserve to be angry. Thats Ok. <p>The love you feel is for the person inside your H. The person you married, the person who is now possessed by aliens!! Dont forget about that love, dont let the anger overwhelm you. Otherwise you run the risk of losing a part of yourself. <p>Maybe he does want to come home. Maybe he feels like he has blown it with you and there is nothing to come home to. Only one way to find out, and thats to talk to him. If he doesnt call you, is there a way to reach out to him? That doesnt mean you have to be a doormat and accept him back with open arms. But to let him know that you want to work on your M. And provided there is no contact with OP. You may be able to have a fresh start. <p>I will be thinking of you. <p>Susie

I know...I just don't want to appear needy, I know that I will survive w/o him, but I also don't believe in divorce, I want this marriage, I would not have fought back myself if I didn't. The funny thing is that tonight at church I kept looking at the door from the foyer to the sanctuary, half expecting him to walk in with his BDU's on and come sit by me, put his arms around me and say I'm sorry and I love you. (see, told you I was having a hard day...) [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

Faith-n-Hope,<p>What helps me a lot is I put Him as the center in my life. His spirit comfort me ... His words consel me ... I know He will give me a W that I could rejoice, be that my WW or not. Thy will be done on earth as it is on heaven.<p>I made a mistake in the past to drift away and chasing $ ... she bails out before I could say we have made it. Her top EN is FS ... wonder how OM could fill that one.<p>God Bless you.

(((Faith)))<p>I know it is so weird to hate and love someone at the same time. Here I am divorced for a few weeks now and still loving and hating him so much.
I hope it will get better for you.<p>Elizabeth

Hi Faith and Hope- I know the pain of loving so much tat it hurts and hating what he has become and is doing. Yes the pain lessens- a year on I still love him and hate what he has done and I get down at times but the intense pain is going away. Paryt of me fears that cos I don't want it to lead to me stop loving and caring. Kepp praying for satans chains to be released fronm your h. and for peace to return to you. We all have to get on with our lives as best we can. Jante

Dear F-N-H,<p>The pain can not be lessened with a miracle cure. You want the cure to be permanent. Like any serious illness it is necessary to take it carefully. What helped me get through the seemingly endless distraught times was to tell myself it was a temporary thing. Recovery will come the sooner I learn to understand what recovery is for me personally and then for me and my H. <p>Focus on things U can control and leave those you can't in the hands of those who should have control over them. <p>That is why plan B was a relief for me. I no longer carried the entire burden. <p>Hope this helps. <p>L.