Had another positive night with W after a huge LB discovery. I was at the house watching the kids while W went out with BF (who is having M problems as well because she had an A and wont tell her H, who I suspect knows anyway, and the guilt is destroying her). While I was there I did a little snooping (know I shouldnt) and found a jewerly box with W's wedding ring and a wedding band that I know isn't mine (guess whose it is). I was tempted to take off my wedding band and put it in there as well so W could see all three together, but I figured that would be a huge LB on my part. Then I figured I would blast her with it when she came home.<p>Well, W came home and the first thing she did was to take my hands in hers, look me in the eyes and tell me how much she loved me, how sorry she was for hurting me so much and then asked me not to judge or hate her. That melted my heart and took away any ideas of telling her what I had found.<p>We then had another long conversation about all sorts of stuff. At one point W even asked my opinion on what BF should do about whether to confess the A to her H or not. I told her that I would be willing to help them out but only if she told her H the truth. I asked W if she thought the guilt BF was feeling was worth it, W said no and also said she was glad that I know the truth about her A because the guilt would have killed her by now.<p>I came out asked W point blank if at one point she felt married to OM, that she considered him her H and I was the XH. That one stopped her dead in her tracks so I knew what I found earlier was the truth. After talking about that for a while, W told me "at one point, I really did love him and thought we could work it out as H and W." I then asked her if when she talks to him, does she still feel that spark that she felt when the A was still in full swing. She replied that lately, whenever she talks to him, he lies to her about all sorts of stuff. I asked her if she didnt find that ironic becasue that is what he did to his W when he was seeing WS. Yes, he is having an A on WS and is doing some serious LB-ing. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I told W I had to leave because it was getting late. She said that I should stay because she wanted us to make love tonight (WOOHOO!) and she wanted to remember how special our relationship really was. Well, things started to heat up, but then W stopped and said she wanted to wait until she was sober (she was pretty drunk by then) because she wanted to give her complete heart and soul to me. I've gone 9 mos without SF, what a few more weeks?<p>W made some big-time deposits in the love bank that night. I was reminded how much I do still love her and what she means to me. W started IC again with a C who believes in dealing with the present and not dwelling on the past too much (basic MB concepts?). Not sure if this means that a recovery could happen, but I am feeling pretty good right now.<p>Sorry this is so long, just wanted to share this wonderful experience with all of my friends here.
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I am very happy that your wife seems to be coming around... keep it up... and stay strong... it is so hard... not to lb when they are still doing little hurtful things... but I think you did great not to mention the rings together... that is just some stupid thing she did... and you know how stupid it was.... it must of had something to do with the om encouraging it... how nuts can this be... her rings with you.. with his that go with his marriage... sick anyway....<p>glad you left it alonel... sounds like his idea... he had to give it to her... and he sounds like a real dousy..<p>sorry you had to see the rings... <p>rmm

I'm impressed with your handling of the situation. <p>One caveat though. If she was drunk, can you really beleive her when she told you how sorry she was for hurting you? Today when she becomes sober she might say something totally the opposite of what she said last night.<p>If she was indeed drunk, what you might have been hearing was her subconscious sans the wall. Today that wall might go up again and you will be back at square one.<p>I think that as long as you don't expect anything from her then you won't suffer the whiplash from the emotional roller coaster ride.<p>Remember the old saying, expect the worst but hope for the best.<p>Joe<p>[ March 03, 2002: Message edited by: justanotherjoe ]</p>

Joe-<p>I completely agree with what you say about the drinking and the wall. I have adopted the attitude of 'expect nothing and you wont be disappointed", I think that is why I can handle these positive nights and then a few weeks of nothing better than I have. Although, my last post sure didnt sound like that!<p>But, I did hear W express some real emotions and feelings the other night. Yes, she was drinking, but the things she said were heartfelt, deep things so I know they were sincere. W and I have been together for 14 yrs and I think I have a pretty good idea when she is sincere and when she is just beligerent. <p>But like you said, today things may, and I am sure that they will, be back to like they were. I cant and wont push any issues with W, I'll just wait for her to come to me, which is very hard, but necessary right now. As long as I make myself a safe haven for her, I know she will come to me for emotional support.<p>RMM- Is that wedding ring thing sick, sure is, but then again the whole A is a disgusting, perverted thing so why should I be suprised at anything else that happens? I'm done trying to figure out why W has done some of the things she has, there is no rationale behind it,at least not from my point of view. I just try and think that is is a result of the fog, moose-brain worms and alien abductions, what else can explain it?<p>Is he a loser, you bet, even W admits that he is, but he said all the right things to W, thats why she allowed herself to overlook those things. But now that the A has waned, she is seeing those bad qualitites of his again and sees him in a different light, good for me, bad for him.<p>I was just thinking about what happened the other night and I too am proud of how I handled myself. Thank God for MB and all my friends here, for all without all of this, I would not have been able to keep my composure or handle myself like I did.

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Originally post by Loveherstill:<p>...As long as I make myself a safe haven for her, I know she will come to me for emotional support.

<hr></blockquote><p>Excellent strategy loveherstill. This is what initially OM did to seduce your W (and not LBing of course).<p>Joe