I am so angry, WS and OW is spending a weekend with his parents. They are suppose to be christians. <p>They are sleeping in the same bed under his parents roof. <p>I am controlling myself not to phone his parents.<p>I am crying, I am out of control...............<p>Is abandoning your family for lust acceptable. How could his parents allow this. What about my children.<p>Please help me. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Why do you need to control yourself not to call his parents? It might burn some bridges though. <p>I am so sorry you are hurt. He is wrong, and for the parents to let them sleep in the same bed?! My folks had a hard time letting me sleep in the same bed with my husband for a few years!

Ginny,<p>I feel for you, it must feel like a unbelievable betrayal by your ILs. Please don't call them, it won't help matters.<p>You don't know what his parents are thinking, Ginny. They may feel pressured to do this, or feel they'd lose their son if they didn't allow him to do this. Not everyone has the fortitude to do what they feel is right, esp if it means losing their son. <p>I'm so sorry this is happening. Your H has put so many people in a hurtful and very uncomfortable <understatement> situation. Affairs hurt many and spread farther than just the immediate family.<p>Please know you are in my thoughts. I know how you're feeling, it's so so wrong what he is doing. VERY disresepctful!<p>Jo

(((Ginny)))<p>I know how hard this is.... I just went through this at the end of december. It was so hard to deal with. But please.........<p>DO NOT CALL !!!! It will only make you look bad and the OW be in a brighter light....<p>I say shame on them.... the "christians"...My ex mil is the same way... if you do something wrong, you get a verse in your face... Yet... her baby boy... she is accepting of this !!! GO FIGURE and she tells me I have to PRAY FOR THEM..... all I could say to her is..."you've got to be kidding"<p>Stay calm..... there is no way on earth that when he is there with her that your in-laws and your stbx isn't thinking about you.....<p>One quote I heard not to long ago is....(and this from a bs..)<p>"I would rather him be with her, thinking about me..... than him with me, thinking about her"<p>That one quote got me through it..... keep busy....thats what I did.<p>and never.......... "tell your story to anyone that will not honor it" I have not had contact with my ex-mil in about a year now...due to this..... all I heard the last time was how "wonderful" he is.... PUKE !!!<p>Keep your chin up.... <p>Blessings,
s

{{{{{{{GennyF}}}}}}}<p>The main reason not to call is that you could probably not keep your composure though the phone call.<p>Your inlaws are acting very badly no matter what their excuse. I do think it would be appropriate for you to say something to them but they will only see it as you attacking them.<p>In the next few weeks, depending on your relationship with them prior to this weekend, you may want to write them a letter telling them how you view this weekend.<p>Unfortunately this weekend will ruin any relationship you ever had with them. Just avoid your inlaws. They know that what they are doing will hurt you. Until the day they approach you to ask for forgiveness, they should be out of your life.<p>I am so sorry. I know what it feels like for inlaws to be supportive of the adultry. It sickened me.<p>[ March 03, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>

I'm with Zorweb on this one. Calm down and then write them a letter. They definately need to be confronted on this. It is just as evil to condone evil as it is to commit the act. What a grievous betrayal of you and your kids and even your H to do this! They should be trying to get him back on the right track, not enabling his wrongdoing and furthering the destruction to his family! <p>Where do people get these wrongheaded ideas that they should sit silently in the face of wrongdoing? Don't they know that thier silence implicates THEM?

Of course you have every right to be angry. This is gross! My mother in law betrayed me almost the exact same way. She did things with my ex and the OW very shortly after he left me. They also celebrated my daughter's 5th birthday together! It's disgusting. <p>Here's what you HAVE GOT to remember. His parents probably don't like this one bit. BUT, they might be too afraid to confront him for fear of making him angry. My ex's mother is just like that. Actually, I just confronted her recently on all, and I mean ALL, of the ways she betrayed me last year. Give yourself time before you confront them.<p>Good luck. Get this anger out somewhere. I'll give you some examples. I used to knock my husband's motorcycle over. I threw his good suits and other clothes on the dirty garage floor and ran over them every time I pulled into the garage. Put all of his camping equipment and sporting gear in the trash. I had the pleasure of driving over all of that too on my way into the garage. Oh, and I sent him a copy of "The Scarlet Letter"! He and his girlfriend (stupid loser that she is) didn't even understand what that meant! Anyway, expressing myself that way expelled a good bit of anger.<p>Take care.<p>Love,
BB

OK I got a little off topic here but it was fun to remember this.<p>Well, BurningBright's ideas for getting the anger out are great if you are not hoping to reconcile (big love busters). They do have a certain 'therapeutic’ quality to them.<p>One of the things I did in my previous marriage was once we separated, I made all of the changes to the house that my ex-H had never let me do. I moved walls, put down tile, painted, etc. Spent the money and time on making my home what I had always wanted it to be. I had a lot of fun with a wall I wanted removed from the kitchen, it was a waste of space and chopped the kitchen up. The wall always made me feel “walled in”. I wrote all sorts of stuff about my ex on it (in Italian so our son would not understand what I wrote.) Then my son, his friends and I took sledgehammers to the plaster/frame wall. What a riot. We made a party out of it, soda, and pizza. The kids had fun. I had revenge thoughts running though my mind. My son’s friends said he had the coolest mom… what other mom would let them write on walls, take a sledgehammer to the house and make it a party? <p>My first big win was when he came it the house two years later and was shocked at what I had done… I make a 50-year-old home look no more then 10 years old with a lot of class. So I finally got to show him that my ideas had merit as for as home decorating goes. And then I sold the house for 29K more then it was worth the day I got it in settlement. I spent only 5K in the remodeling/redecorating. At the time I sold it, the market was very soft. The realtor said if I were lucky it would take about 6 months to sell. It sold in 30 days with two potential buyers fighting over it. In the end I got a grand more then I asked. Now there is revenge and I did not have to do anything nasty. My ex-H is still blown away by this.

ZORWEB!!!!!! That is AWESOME! I LOVE what you did. YOU GO GIRL! And you are soooo right, nothing nasty about it. This is exactly what they mean when they say "Living well is the best revenge". I'm going to remember this.<p>Thanks.<p>Love,
BB

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by BurningBright:
<strong> <p>Here's what you HAVE GOT to remember. His parents probably don't like this one bit. BUT, they might be too afraid to confront him for fear of making him angry. My ex's mother is just like that. Love,
BB</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I agree with you that this is probably the reason why they haven't confronted him. What a pathetic excuse. They are more worried about THEIR feelings [son being mad at them!] than they are about doing the right thing. Moral cowardice is no excuse.

I know I will be facing this soon<p>But as parents we forgive our children for a lot of things and we never want to lose them<p>MY MIL was hard on my STBX, she read him the riot act & he felt like his parents loved me more<p>at this point they take any crumb he tosses their way<p>they still keep in contact with me & as of yet have not met the OW but it is a matter of time, I will react better is we are divorced before meeting her<p>but my relationship will end with my STBX in-laws once OW goes to thier house<p>it may end before I have a letter planned to send out when the divorce is final Thanking them for letting me be apart of their family for 22 yrs but that I know that they will accept the OW, & I understand but I can't do it<p>Now whether I send it or not I don't know, I really love my MIL and I know she has suffered for the last 3 yrs and this would hurt her very much, so I most likely not say anything but just respond less & less<p>Zorweb, I loved the wall thing. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

My fil loaned my H $3500 when he lost his job and moved out... to be with the ow... now how do you like that///? Also, my fil, also an adulter... gave my h a couch, oriental rug, etc... lamp... when he moved to the other place trying to make my h feel homey over there... <p> I have since had several confrontations with my inlaws... the nocontact witt them is all that will work... fighting does not work... it hurts everyone.. they do not want to be in this situation either... but when they side with their child... over you... the wife... they have really gone to far in my book when they start enabling the affair... <p>My intense anger at ow is very intense... and now my fil gets it too... after trying to get hi m to see the light... and care about me and the kids... he continued his bs... well, needless to say he made a big mistake... and if h and I work things out... will be living with years... of me avoiding him and our kids staying away from him.. this is all that I can do.<p>Hugs to you, RMM

Thanks for all the support.<p>I closed my room door and bawled my eyes out.<p>I wrote a letter to his parents at 3.00am this morning and when I am not so emotional and irrational I will read it again and decide whether I am going to send it to them.<p>Because of my emotional state, I said some real nasty things to my children about their father. "He does not have time for you and he does not care about you" My 9yo D, was very upset. Her only concern was whether she could still see her father. Now I feel like taking my children and making a life somewhere else. Away from all these people that has betrayed me.<p>My therapist say DIVORCE, My priest say DIVORCE, Why am I still holding on. I've had a good H, very loving and caring. He was a good father, I feel all this is because of his brothers suicide in 2000 which he did not deal with.<p>As for his parents, I know they have lost one son already through suicide, maybe they are afraid of losing another son.<p>I must get through this hurt. I told myself last night this is not as worse as D-day and I will get through this.

{{{{{{{Ginny}}}}}}}}<p>I am glad to hear you let it out by writing but didn't send it. That is great therapy. Worked for me, lots of times, including what I sent you recently. One more step you can take that helps to release it even more- after you ramble on and get it down on paper- take it out to the grill and have a bon fire. Watch the ashes blow off in the wind and release those feelings right along with them, it helps alot without being destructive.<p>Just so you know I got the package. I am at work now and without your new email, I will write more later, but wanted to let you know, and say thank you. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I had a confrontation w/ my MIL during our split up too. She had always loved me as her own, but during a split up, of course she is going to stick up for her son. Turns out that I found out later that she had been really riding him too, sticking up for me, but wouldn't tell me about it then. She wanted us back together, but felt it would be like a betrayal to not show support for what he was requesting as valid to me. <p>As you know she recently passed away, and I will miss her and I loved her like a mother to me. Don't harbor resentment towards them if you can help it, life is too short, and he is their child. They have to make their decisions in a very difficult situation. It doesn't mean they don't care for you, try not to take it personal, instead try putting yourself in their shoes with your children down the road. Do you ostrisize them critise them, maybe lose them... what would you do? It's tough, but remember first these are your H's bad choices, not theirs.