Seeing so many frustrated MB'ers in their plan A reminded me of some of my very frustrating moments last year. I went back and found this thread I started... I thought it might be good to re-post... maybe it'll help someone...<p>Faith1
Member
Member # 11510
posted July 30, 2001 09:39 AM
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Some of you read my "blues" messages and knew how frustrated I was yesterday. I guess it is true that in our greatest moments of trial and sadness, sometimes our greatest moments of wisdom and understanding soon follow. THe last thought I had before drifting to sleep last night was... Quit Expecting anything from H.<p>WHen we EXPECT something from someone else, we usually are let down - leading us to great disappointment, self-pity, and frustration. I need to remember to quit expecting ANYTHING from my H right now. I'm EXPECTING responses to my Plan A. I'm expecting him to wake up, run home and apologize and reconcile. I'm expecting him to be sorry, and do what's right. I'm expecting him to fill my needs, and love me the way I need him to. I'm expecting him to just have enough maturity and integrity to remember his promises to me.<p>It's not going to happen right now. And if it does, I should not be expecting it and it will be a wonderful surprise.<p>
"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft
might win by fearing to attempt." -- William Shakespeare<p>"If what you are doing is worth doing, hang in there until
it is done." -- Nido Qubein<p>"Courage is your willingness to take action (do what's right) with no guarantee of results" --Brian Tracy<p>Hope everyone has a good day, and hang in there. We're doing the right thing!<p>------------------
Faith1<p>"Then Jesus answered, 'Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.'"
Matt 15:28 <p>
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trueheart
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Member # 10878
posted July 30, 2001 10:24 AM
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Faith,
You are so right!! And even if you do get the desired response, dont expect it to continue! Don't expect that just because today was good or great or not so great that tomorrow, it will be the same. <p>Like they say in Chicago, "If you don't like the weather, wait 30 minutes, it will change." The same can be said of the life of the BS/WS!! Any number of triggers can happen from day to day, hour to hour, and even minute to minute! Those triggers can call for positive or negative reactions from either of you!! <p>Cherish the time that you do get, work on not reacting to the LBs, create a safe atmosphere for communication, and when things dont go the way you perceive they should, step back, take a deep breath, and step forward. You are still on the journey and focused on the right things. It's just a lil detour around the *relationship pothole*, and then you can work on something different. I think you are exactly correct in that when we expect something and get disappointed, we try to see how to *fix* it. WE cant!! Sometimes you just gotta let go of the wheel and let it happen. Allow yourself the luxury of knowing you may not have done anything and there is no fault or blame to be placed for the WS or the BS not having a good day. Move on and try not to let it stop you dead in your tracks and throw your hands up in despair. Move ahead confident in who you are!! In short, try not to make a mountain out of a molehill. <p>Have a good day.... <p>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the live you have imagined.*<p>Trueheart <p>
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Everron
Member
Member # 11412
posted July 30, 2001 12:01 PM
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A friend of mine went to pre-marriage counseling, and the counselor said in order for a marriage to work, you must change your expectations to preferences.
Hope you are having a better day today, Faith1 !!! <p>
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sad_but_true
Member
Member # 11880
posted July 30, 2001 12:31 PM
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Originally posted by Faith1:
Just another thought. Some of you read my "blues" messages and knew how frustrated I was yesterday. I guess it is true that in our greatest moments of trial and sadness, sometimes our greatest moments of wisdom and understanding soon follow. THe last thought I had before drifting to sleep last night was... Quit Expecting anything from H.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<p>I guess my problem, being all of 12 days into our separation, is that I thought if I said exactly the right thing she would come right back. But you are correct, I have to quit expecting this to be solved easily. I don't know if I can keep at Plan A, but I won't give up just yet. I'm in no hurry to find someone else or get remarried, so I have time. She's never given me the "love, but not in love" line and continues to end conversations and notes with "I will always love you." She still has feelings for me, and I just have to be patient. <p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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SEM
Member
Member # 12045
posted July 30, 2001 01:23 PM
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I get this e-mail from quck insriations. Here's one of my fav's. Your Angel
If ever you need to talk,
If ever you need some cheer,
remeber you have a friend-
who always will be here...
She doesn't want a lot,
only to see you smile;
and just to see you smile,
she'll walk that provebial mile.
Always know she cares,
no matter what you do.
You'll always find her there,
to give you hugs when you are blue.
There is a saying that goes:
"You don't have to love in words,
because even through the silences,
Love is always heard."
-Anonymous
I will still keep praying for you. S
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zen
Member
Member # 11567
posted July 30, 2001 01:36 PM
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Great observation, Faith! Living life without expectation is well, part of the Zen way!
For me also, if I Plan A with expectation, then I feel like I'm not really Plan A'ing... I feel like I'm acting a certain way/manipulating just to get a desired response. The trick is to make that overall lifestyle change...<p>Thanks for the inspiration! Hope you're doin ok today!<p>zen <p>
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BINthereDUNthat
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Member # 10312
posted August 01, 2001 04:40 AM
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Yes!
If our complete trust is in God, and we obey His commands--then we can place all our expectations in God for rewards... He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him... Interesting Word, faith1!!! & so true!
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Faith1
Member
Member # 11510
posted August 05, 2001 07:45 PM
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to remind MYSELF, and anyone else who needs it
Red Reaver.... dumplin.... etc... <p>
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Resilient
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Member # 6019
posted August 05, 2001 08:32 PM
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Thank you, Faith. I needed this post.
Jo <p>
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GodlyMan
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Member # 11375
posted August 06, 2001 08:56 AM
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Hehe, this post reminds me of a quote I used to have, hanging in my office...
Expect nothing and you shall never be disappointed<p>It's the pessimist's creed.<p>Not a good attitude to have, though, IMNSHO <p>
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runningonfaith
Member
Member # 12186
posted August 06, 2001 09:15 AM
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as I was responding to this posting it came to me, this particularly yucky morning (like weekends arent bad enough - here we have a long one) that I'm a bit lost between expectations and hope.
Thinking this may be a common issue - I've started a new thread - please add your comments & words of wisdom.<p>thank you <p>
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dumplin
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Member # 10870
posted August 06, 2001 04:17 PM
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Faith,
I know exactly what you mean. I've figured out that H can act loving one minute and the next be as distant as a stranger. I just figure I have to take the ups with the downs. He told me he loved me today after a week of not saying it at all and sleeping seperately. I was thrilled, but I know not to expect it everytime I talk to him. H is still "in the fog", but I think (I hope) he's slowly coming out of it. Thank you so much for the reminder and all the help.<p>Your friend,
Anna <p>
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Husband2you
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Member # 11782
posted August 06, 2001 04:24 PM
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"Happiness is like a butterfly. The more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it comes softly and sits on your shoulder."<p>[ March 04, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>
