We've been chatting every night. I know all about his family, where he works, his last name (yep he's legit)...I looked him up in the white pages online and I know his number and address...we decided to go ahead and exchange pics now before we get too attached online...if we like the pics, we will meet face to face soon and decide if we want to start something. We are using our heads about this. Oh and the best part is that he has all the time in the world for ME (no wife!!!!)...he is the one offering to come meet me (2 1/2 hour drive)!!!!! He said I could bring a friend too.<p>I am definitely being cautious. I have included all my friends in the loop and have sought feedback.

OK, I'm going to play devil's advocate here so please don’t take offense.<p>How do you know he is not married, engaged, in a serious relationship and/or living with someone?<p>Knowing about his family is good. When are you going to meet them? I know it’s too soon. Just looking for the reality base here.<p>When I met my H we chatted on-line and were on the phone daily for almost 2 years before he moved here. It turns out that when he was online I was not the only one he was online with… he had 3-4 chats going on most of the time. And he was on the phone with the OW’en when he was not with me.<p>OK, I felt safe too because I knew where he worked, had his work phone number, email, saw the web pages he developed for them. Even talked to the people he worked with on the phone. Have you called his place of employment to talk to him to make sure he’s actually there?<p>That he’s in the white pages is a good sign. Have you called his home? Has he given you’re his phone number, address etc. Until my H moved in with me his ow had his phone number. They just forgot to tell them that he was engaged. Once he moved in with me he made up some story about how hard it was to get a phone line in NM. The women were so ignorant that they believed him. He gave them his cell number instead. He also told them that the kids would be upset if he was dating. So he never gave any of them his home address. Remember that a married/engaged/live-in guy will be reluctant to share too much personal info with you.<p>Good that he is coming to meet you. The man should do this. Let him do most of the traveling. (Read the book “The Rules”). But make sure you visit him too so you can see his home and be part of his life.<p>I know it’s none of my business, but where is he going to stay when he comes? A hotel, your house, etc? This was an issue I agonized about the first time I met my H.<p>Shannon, so far he sounds like a good guy. You know that I’m worried about this stuff now so I’m mothering you. For some odd reason, people tend to cut corners with relationships that start online and are long distance. It’s as though they think that he rules do not apply because they had to drive/fly so far to see each other. <p>I really do hope this works out for you no matter the path it takes.

zorweb-<p>I'm not offended at all by your post. I think it's good. I am definitely cautious here. Ok, as far as him coming to visit me - he's only a little over 2 hours away, so he would make a day trip. No need to worry about him spending the night anywhere (I wouldn't want that anyway in case he's not all that in person).<p>He has not been reluctant in any way in revealing his personal information. As soon as I found out his last name, I looked him up in the white pages. I have his home number and address (without him knowing). So what I did was call the number (doing *67 first to block mine) and listen to his machine. No mention of "You have reached us."<p>I also have told him if I find out he is married or engaged or whatever, or any kind of lying about his life (ie. job, his one past relationship), this will be over. I will not communicate with him any longer. I told him in wasn't in his best interest to send me a fake picture, because if he is not who he is when we meet, I walk away immediately.<p>We both agreed that we aren't going to form an emotional attachment online without even seeing pics or meeting. There's no point. I've told my good friends about this, and he has told one of his friends who went through the same thing. We are both using our heads about this.<p>There's not really much else I can do right now I guess! I'm waiting for his pic and then we'll see!<p>I do not trust him yet, so don't worry.<p>Shannon

One more thing. I haven't called his place of employment, but I did have him send me an email from his work this morning.

bump for zorweb!

Shannon,<p>Sounds like your plan for your first meeting is good. People do often not live up it expectations in person. Just take it slow.<p>I have a friend who met a guy one line. They were great online and on the phone, communicating many times a day for 6 months. He was going and a lot of fun. Though he always warned her that he was shy. He really was a nice guy. Included her very much in his life online and on the phone. She talked to his kids, his mother and even some friends. She supported him emotionally with his problems. They met in a mid point city after 6 months. It was a disaster. He was so shy that he could hardly talk. She is so outgoing and bubbly that I think it put him off. After that meeting, he never contacted her again. He just freaked out and she was really hurt. (don’t you love people who tell stories like this? When you get prego I have tons of great horror stories about that too. Lol)<p>Just continue to keep your eyes and ears open. Once an impersonal relationship is established, you will be able to do much of the normal things a person does in a relationship would.<p>If he’s two hours away, is there any possibility of either of you moving in the future if
I was under the impression that you’d already exchanged photos. Let us know once you see the pics.

zorweb-
We just exchanged pics and I am so happy. He looks like a nice, normal guy. He is totally my type. He has the same build as my brother (tall and skinny) and a boyish looking face. We also exchanged phone messages with each other. I told him that if he abused my number, I could easily change it.<p>I also told him that I was bringing friends with me when I meet him. He said that was fine, but could she be in the background watching, as he would be nervous and it might make it harder to talk to both of us. I said that was fine but they would be watching me like a hawk the entire time and that they would be there protecting me. He said that was fine. He said we could meet in the brightest, most public place. <p>He has already moved once for a serious girlfriend. He said he would do it again.<p>We are still being cautious and taking things slow. Haven't set a date to meet yet. Before we meet, we will talk on the phone first.<p>Love,
Shannon

Shannon,<p>Sounds good. One thing I learned about this online stuff is that it is good to not wait too long before meeting. Why? Becuase the anticipation can build to the point of it clouding reality. And you can invest too much in something that will never be.<p>It's good that he lives close and would move if things get serious. Long distance relationships are the pits.

We are meeting next weekend!!!!

Great, keep us posted. Hope it works for you.

I'm having my friend come with us for lunch (she'll sit with her friend at another table)...I am optimistic! We both share a small, non-threatening medical condition that has bonded us...

bump for zorweb

Hi Shannon,<p>I'm not Zorweb, but thought I'd tell you a little about meeting on-line.<p>First, good for you for being so careful...sounds like you've covered all the bases. I just kind of jumped into it without giving it much thought.<p>I wasn't even all the way divorced when I decided to poke around on line and see what it was all about. I'd been married a very long time, so personals were really a new thing to me.<p>I met the first guy, and there were really no sparks. I knew by the second date that I really didn't want a third.<p>I tried again, I contacted a man with a personal ad and we met a few days later. That was fourteen months ago. <p>Shannon, I was still a mess back then. I had no business dating or pretending to be already divorced. I met the love of my life. I know that sounds bad after twenty-one years of marriage, but the man I met has healed me and helped me and become my best friend in the world. He's wonderful to my children, and has never said a mean thing to me. I believe he will be truthful and faithful to me. We have been inseperable. I love him with all of my heart (the parts that my kids don't already fill)<p>You'll be warned here on these boards, as I was. These people care, that's why they are telling you to be cautious. I was just lucky that I didn't get my heart broken so soon after my husband left me. But, there is nothing wrong with getting out there and taking a little leap of faith as long as you know you cand handle it if it does'nt work out. Feels good to be kinda excited about life huh? <p>Good luck, hope he's wonderful.

We talked on the phone last night - it went pretty well!

We just got off the phone tonight - it went well! We had a nice conversation. I'm not feeling sparks though...is that bad??

No Shannon that is not bad. One or two phone conversations does not make a relationship.<p>How long did you talk? Despite the existence or lack of spark, how did you get along?<p>You did not feel sparks. Did you feel revulsion? At this point I’d be more worried about if you felt uneasy or repulsed. That type of negative feeling I say pay attention to.<p>Remember that it takes a while to develop a real love. Those initial sparks are nice to have, but they are not there ever moment of every day. You may have been so guarded, or apprehensive that you were not able to feel anything.<p>I remember the first time I talked to my H we were both so apprehensive. I enjoyed the conversation but did not know what to think of it all.<p>Give it time.

zorweb-
I did not feel uneasy or repulsed.<p>We had a great conversation from 8-10 pm...Then I got off to make a phone call. We got back on at 10:30 pm - he was tired and not responding as much as he had before. He was tired because he had been up late with me the prior night (1 am)That was when I got a little uneasy (I'm the type that doesn't like breaks in the dialogue, I was worried he was bored with me). I decided to end it and that was that. I do feel better about us meeting though. He told me all about his family's dogs and their home. He also house sits for a family with 2 dogs - so I know he is responsible!

We talked last night and this afternoon - wow. He is so nice. I really enjoy talking to him and I miss him. I am on a trip now and have called him on my cell a couple times. I told him I wanted to call him last night but I knew he would be sleeping. You know what he said? He said he wouldn't care if I woke him up if it was on the weekend, not during the week. Can you belive that? That was so sweet!!

Shannon
Sorry to invade your post!!! This sounds so exciting...I want to know what happens. <p>I hope your meeting is everything that you want it to be! (Does he have a friend??)<p>Good luck and please be careful!
M

Shannon,<p>It sounds good so far. I'm happy for you. Keep us posted. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]