OK guys, here's the deal. I have another huge problem that loosely relates to my wife and my problem. I have been avoiding this out of a need to heal myself and work on my M, and also because I don't like inflicting pain on those I love and call friends. <p>As many of you know my story - I found out about my wife's affair while in Japan on business. My co-worker in the business I run has a girlfriend here in Singapore - a friend of my wife. We all met at around the same time.<p>The thing is, when I went about investigating my wife's affair I inadvertently discovered that my friends girlfriend was also having an affair on him. My wife has more or less confirmed that something is going on there too, and she even knows his name. I know the girl as well and while she is a sweetheart I was warned about her hanging out with my wife because she is "loose". <p>I haven't told him yet but I am struggling with whether I should or not. I realized that we are both on vacation now and I know since my vacation has been effectively ruined I didn't want to ruin his by telling him this terrible news.<p>My conscience says I should tell him, my love for him as a friend says save him from the pain. What should I do about this? If I decide it is the right thing to do, how do I tell him? Do I send him an anonymous email? I have asked myself if it were me, would I want him to tell me - and the answer is yes. Is that my answer then?<p>I have been avoiding this due to my own pain but I find myself thinking hard about it now - he is about to leave Singapore for his home in Atlanta and when he does she will no doubt be right back in OM's arms.

You must tell him. And if he doesn't know about your W's A you tell him that, too. And then you tell him how to deal with it before he gets himslf into serious trouble by making it worse. We've learnt a lot on this site even though we may not be experts. One thing we've learnt is the value of sharing the problems. Be a real friend and share his.

Tell. No one wants to be kept in the dark about being betrayed. And your silence makes you an accessory.

I remember that a friend of mine who was related to the H of my ex-H's OW tried to tell him what was going on and was unable to get him to believe it. She told me that it seemed he wouldn't believe her even if she had pictures or videotape. I had already exited that M by that time, so I didn't care about that situation anymore and never followed up, so I never learned if he ever faced reality or not.<p>I tell that to say that if there's any way you can show him proof that may be a way of breaking through any denial he may be in. But no matter what, depending on how well you know your friend and the longevity and level of your friendship, you may have to take on the role of the "bad guy" for a while. I would think that eventually he would be grateful you clued him in, though.

Tell him, directly and in a manner that cannot be mistaken for it being 'no big deal'. Of course, pepper the news with your friendship and support.<p>If you are still wondering what to do, ask yourself this: How would you feel about not telling him and then finding out they were getting married?<p>Do not wait until the relationship gets 'more serious', whatever that means. Tell him now.