As background, I posted a thread on 2/27 that describes my situation and it&#8217;s titled &#8220;Wife of 18 years left and is filing for divorce. As an update, my W and I spent most of Saturday together with our two children, going out for lunch and shopping. We had a good time and I can see that she does still have feelings for me but it&#8217;s just that she&#8217;s so into the OM that she doesn&#8217;t want to lose her relationship with him from what I can see.<p>Yesterday, my W came over to go through some income and asset statements to help her prepare for the filing of divorce papers. She kept saying &#8220;if we end up divorcing&#8221;, &#8220;if we follow through with this to completion&#8221; but yet she still keeps plugging away in that direction. I&#8217;ve told her I think she&#8217;s rushing into the divorce and she should hold off for a while, and while she does appear to be slightly torn, she keeps taking steps to get the divorce clock ticking (there&#8217;s a 4 month waiting period in our state before the Dv is final). <p>Here&#8217;s the topper to my story. Last evening I stopped by her apt. to drop off some school work my son needed for today and I gave this to my W. I didn&#8217;t even walk in and as I was leaving, she asked if I could look over my daughter&#8217;s math homework. I said sure and stood in the entry and began checking the math. After completing this, I looked up and noticed that the OM was sitting at the dining room table reading a paper and pretending as if I wasn&#8217;t there. I couldn&#8217;t believe my W would have me come in when she knows how much I hate the OM. I figured she wanted a reaction from me so I didn&#8217;t give one at the time. I just talked to our children for a few minutes and then left. However, I was livid.<p>Well, my W calls me this morning and asked how my evening was (I was going out with a friend) and I responded, &#8220;fine&#8221;. She said, why are you so short with me and I told her how upset I was that she&#8217;d invite me in when she knows how I feel about the OM. She said she was sorry it upset me but she thought it would have been mean to not invite me in. She then went on to tell me how excited the kids were to have the OM come to visit last night and they all had a good time together.<p>I&#8217;m so upset by last night that I think I&#8217;m going to break off Plan A and begin Plan B. Any advice? I can&#8217;t help but think that what she did last night was inexcusable and I don&#8217;t think I can let her continue to dictate. My W does know that I went out Fri. and Sat. evening this weekend and had a good time. I think this is her way of getting back at me. I do still love her and want our marriage to work but I don&#8217;t know how much more I can take or how long I can wait.<p>P.S. Just as I&#8217;m finishing this, she calls and wants to know if I&#8217;ll go to lunch with her later in the week (we work at the same company, as does the OM). I agreed to go on Thursday but feel this could be a mistake. It&#8217;s like she wants the OM but also wants me around as a good friend. Should I stay with Plan A or go to B? Help!

Djw,<p>Your W is being highly disrespectful to you. Whether she realizes it or not. Her priorities are out of whack....totally and if that bothers you, you need to tell her. Now take a look at where you can be. Plan A doesn't seem to be working in that she can be nice and disrespectful at the same time. Take a look at the options within plan b. I understand you have children involved so you need to set the ground rules where the children are concerned. The OM has NO PANTs. He apparently can't even act like a man. So he is being disrespectful also. <p>Get ahold of Steve or Jennifer on this or your counselor. Also try and read Dr James Dobson's book, love must be tough and utilize some of the suggestions out there. It will be a step forward but not an impossible one and if you do, you may have a release for that anger that is pent up in you. <p>I am sorry for the way you are being treated. Set your boundaries and state them clearly to your W. Make sure she acknowledges it and don't let her manipulate them. <p>It may be beneficial to write out a plan B letter if you are ready to go in that direction. <p>L.

Hi djw,<p>I have a couple questions for you. When you went out with friends, were they same sex friends? And if so, where'd you dudes go?<p>Reason I'm asking, is perhaps your wife is getting the impression you are both allowed to "date" ... or something weird like that. A FOGGED WS can and will take the smallest opportunity to relieve their guilt by trying to make the scales of justice and the playing field equal. Get my drift?<p>I think it's appropriate you remind your wife you are "NOT" dating and acting married until you're no longer married, that is, if you haven't already.<p>And I agree wholeheartidly with Orchid, your W and OM are VERY disrespectful, to the extreme. I'm sorry she is so in the fog that she can't see how much this hurts you. What an Alien!<p>Take care, djw ....<p>Love,
Jo<p>[ March 04, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

I did go out with a male friend to a restaurant last evening and no females were involved. Friday and Saturday I was with my brother and his friends at a bar, but no females.<p>One of the complaints my wife had when she left me is that I'm not wild enough and I don't like to go to bars very often and I don't like to dance or loosen up in that type of enviroment. My mother said my wife told her when she left me that she was worried I wouldn't be able to cope without her and she was worried I wouldn't go out and live my life. I think that she's surprised by my going out and having a good time and she can't figure out why I'm not sitting around the house moping and it's bothering her a little. Maybe that's not true but I think so.<p>I've told my wife countless times that I have no interest in having any type of relationship with a female at this time and that I only care for her. I told her it'll be a long time before I'm interested in anyone else, if ever. My W has even tried to convince me to find another woman as she says she wants me to have a happy life and she's even gone so far as to say she can fix me up with a friend of a friend. <p>Well, I think it's on to Plan B. We'll see how that goes. Thanks for the support.