Ok here it goes. We are in recovery and things are going ok. Our biggest issue now is my being able to deal with the A. I keep having images and it doesn't take much to trigger them. Can I deal with them and stay married to my WS I don't know. I know she is trying and that she loves me but can we move on?
Ok now here is where I need your expertise. We are currently living in an apartment and saw a great deal on a pre-forclosure property. It is a great deal but it will increase our monthly Household expense by $1000.00. Is this too much of a burden on our current situation or could this be the thing to help us get back to us. Our current income puts us in the right place number wise but it will be tight for awhile. The tax benefits will cut down the monthly expense I know that but I just want to be sure I don't bite off more than I can chew.
Thanks
Darryl<p>[ March 04, 2002: Message edited by: dskef ]</p>

Darryl,
Don't do it!. I am not an expert and bias but hear me first and you decide. My WW had an EA and not happy 5.5 years ago. I thought we were in recovery. She wanted to buy a property, it is hard ... you know how fixer upper means in San Francisco. I thought it will make her happier and move us a bit in the financial ladder. When [censored] hit the f@n, the first thing she did is run to OM again. Read my profile. If you see the top lists of why M is failing ... $ is on top. Affections, Admirations, even SF you could control it but man this is one EN that is tough and you want to protect it. If that is one of her top 5 you do not take chances, specially in recovery.

I also urge caution. My H wants to sell our house and buy a newer one in a different location. I'm very nervous about it. I do not want to get into worse financial straits. If I end up having to go it alone, I don't want a higher house payment than I already have.<p>Even if he manages to figure out a way to do it and keep the house payment from going up, the stress of realtors, people tramping through the house, mortgage applications, escrow delays, packing, moving, all that on top of the duress of still reeling from discovering my M is perhaps fatally wounded by adultery would probably do me and/or the M in.<p>Maybe you can just take it slow and examine all options from every angle before making any long-term decision.

This is so interesting that you brought this up. In our M, the situation is turned around. My H wanted us to sell the house and buy a new one to go along with our new start. However, I am scared because, what if the triggers become so great again that he has a breakdown.<p>The new start sounds great. I understand that, but the "what-ifs" eat me alive. I hear so many in recovery have moved to new homes for the very same reason. I guess this is something that really has no right or wrong answer. It is so very scarey!<p>Well, I went along with listing our home and we've put an offer in on another home - contingent upon the sale of our home. I keep asking him on a daily basis if this is the right thing to do and he assures me that this is our new start and that he will be spending the rest of his life with me.<p>I love hearing that, but here is the WS's trust issues coming out ten-fold. I've posted about this topic in "Recovery". I'll keep watching for more responses to this post because I'm torn on this subject as well.

dskf,
I agree with the others but for a different reason. If you have to wonder if you can handle the extra financial burden - you cant, especially not in a time of increased stress. It is always less stressful to live below your means. I am a sucker for a good deal though.....
Oh KIM101
Dr. Harley says that it's easier to start new habits in a new environment. He is all for the move to start over thing. Take the opportunity to discuss bad habits you will change in the new place.