Hey, I'm feeling so cool, I gotta have shades!!<p>Well after a rocky start this morning with H screaming "Ill just leave for good, then you will all be happy" which started the kids crying, I went to work and worried about what to do all day. I NATURALLY decided to take all you yousus advice and take it easy and not be yelling or causing trouble or other LB. When I got home, after we fed the kids, we went to our room and talked. I asked him what HE wanted and he told me he wanted to stay with his family. That he wanted us back the way we used to be. I said okay the real truth - how long had you really been sleeping together" Since the summer.(told me December). Then tells me that she came on to him,not the other way around and that he was trying to protect her. Now he says he sees she was just using him. He said he always gave her everything she wanted and just basically "took care of her". And now he is no use to her anymore and she dumped him. He feels he has hit rock bottom in the whole he has dug himself. He also said it makes him sick to think he caused all of this himself. It also came up that he had a cell phone and a post office box. Sneaky little s__t ain't he. <p>Anyway, I basically just told him that I didn't know if I love him anymore (I really don't know) and that when I thought about him I mostly felt dead inside. But that in spite of that I wanted the marriage to work, but that it was going to take some HARD work on his side especially. He says he will do whatever I say. He has agreed to read SAA and abiding by the rules and the promise of protection. I told him it would take a long time, but if we both were going to work at it then I would give it a try..<p>So what do you think?? Does it sound right or is he up to something. I think he was sincere, but want your read on it.
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I would bet that your H is truly sincere right now. But please protect yourself by expecting the unexpected.<p>I have to admit, after reading your post I started thinking, "hmmm... I wonder if he'd put that all in writing for her??"... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ... not that that would make any difference to anything though. hehehe.<p>Try not to make any agreements with your H right now (other than the no contact rule, of course). He still needs his time to get through some withdrawal - and if he's one of the worse ones, you'll need all your energy focused on avoiding LBing when he's in a 'mood'.<p>It sounds like you are in the recovery road direction!! Good stuff!! Just be sure to take it slow and cautious. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

ditto Topie exactly... whew.. I'm glad you kept your cool, aren't you?<p>It's always such a touchy thing... when my H came home saying ALLLLL the right things - he was willing to do anything and everything to make this work - I was scared to push and get some agreements in writing. I wonder if I had, if things might've been a little different. i think he didn't survive withdrawal - he went right back to her. <p>In your situation, if OW is really "outta here", that's a definite plus. If he'll read SAA, he'll find out a good bit on his own what to do. Try to get his cooperation and commitment to no contact. A phone call to Steve or Jennifer would be very beneficial. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>No LB's [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . GOOD LUCK!!!! I think this is good news!

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Karen and Faith1 are keeping you company already ... keep your guard as well as keep you cool [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] .

Good on you AMH,<p>Sounds highly promising. But don't worry about what he says, it's what he does that counts. Measure your progress towards recovery by actions only. I'm sure you've heard enough lies to last a lifetime. Give him the chance and maintain your PMA.<p>I love to see a success story, one day it might be mine.

Dear amh,<p>U are doing good!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] Keep up the good work. You are showing respect for yourself with strength. That is very encouraging to us. <p>Take Care,
L.

I really hope that he is sincere, but I'm another one who heard the same things and am still sitting here waiting to begin true recovery. My H also promised to do "anything" on D-day, tell the whole truth, read all the books, MC, everything, so I thought we were going to be smart and avoid all the mistakes others had made and would go straight down the road of recovery with no detours.<p>I am now in my 6th month of Plan A, and I'm still waiting for the whole truth. He's just recently started listening to Relationship Rescue in audio form, and stood me up when I went to a MC. He did go to Retrovaille with me, but he didn't stick with the program (and I didn't push it because it was such an LB to me to hear about his perception of himself as a victim and his anger at any feelings I expressed).<p>The day after I asked him to move out and he refused, he asked me go to work with him because he wanted me to ride along and read him the MB stuff. Only got as far as the first two Q&A columns on Infidelity from the website, and he's never asked me to go with him and read to him again, nor has he read any MB stuff on his own.<p>I want to be encouraging, and there is a range of experience when WS make those promises. We know some here who have followed through 100%, so it is definitely possible. It can't hurt though to keep Plan A on the back burner in case you need it.<p>I have more resentment about the post-D-day lies than the pre-D-day lies, because had I known I was really being offered Plan A, I would not have agreed for him to move back in. I didn't know enough then to recognize that possibility, so maybe knowing that possibility exists right up front will make it easier for you.