D told me tonight that OM and his W are splitting up and he is moving out of the house. That bit of news hit me like a ton of bricks and pretty much brought up all of the painful memories of the last 5 mos. I sure hope I am wrong, but my gut feeling is that he is moving out because of W and that maybe they are going to get back together. Oh, God I hope I am wrong. Why does this event have to be such a painful experience for me.<p>Things sure seemed to be positive after last Friday night, I was even beginning to feel comfortable with the way things were going. But now, I don&#8217;t know, I wonder if what W told me was just a smoke-screen to keep me off guard, she has pulled this stuff in the past, trying to make be believe that she and OM were finished, when in actuality they were still together.<p>I don&#8217;t want to be hurt again, I don&#8217;t think I will be able to handle it in a good way. Maybe I am wrong, maybe I am just thinking of the worst case scenario. But, I have been thinking about a few things and they sure don&#8217;t look good.<p>Why do these things have to happen, why do I have to feel like this? It just doesn&#8217;t seem right. I am completely lost on what I should do now. <p>Someone please help me tonight! I haven&#8217;t felt this down in along time.

LHS, I am sorry you are feeling so down tonight. If I were in your situation, I think I'd be feeling many of the same things you are right now. It's hard enough being patient as a BS and waiting for your WS to come out of the fog; I can only imagine how much worse it is when you actually believe you're making progress only to see things take a turn for the worse.<p>I can offer one observation about your situation that I hope may have some value to you. If OM does move out with the intention of being with your W, this will remove one of the major obstacles to their relationship. If she then stays with you, then you'll know that you really are her first choice, and she's not just taking the most convenient option. Even though this might be a painful thing for you to go through, it could be a very good test for your W's commitment to you and your M.<p>As for thinking about the worst case scenario, I think that can sometimes be healthy. I would try not to always dwell on the worst case, but it's certainly wise to be prepared. Keeping your expectations low can help you avoid the pain of disappointment.<p>I'm sorry if my post isn't very helpful. But I do feel for you, and I hope that whatever happens, you get through it ok.<p>BP<p>P.S. I like the Led Zeppelin quote in your sig. It's from one of my favorite songs!

BP-<p>The commitment thing is what has me so worried. W has never really made any strong commitment to me or the M. She mostly will say "I cant make any promises, I dont know what to do" <p>There is just so many things that have happened in the past that make me question all of this, I have never really been able to trust her, much as I want to, ever since DDay. So many lies, so much deception, so much BS that I dont know what to expect anymore. Yes, I shouldnt expect anything, that I know. But, at the very least, some respect and honesty would be appreciated, not any more stringing along.<p>I sure am not going to do anything rash tonight, I need to let this sit and fester for a while. But, if my suspicions are realized, then it definetly is adios to W. I will not allow myself to be hurt like that again.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>But, at the very least, some respect and honesty would be appreciated, not any more stringing along.<hr></blockquote><p>LHS, I can absolutely relate to that statement. It would be so much easier to just have all the cards on the table and be able to make an educated decision. I think that it's hard for a WS to find the strength to be honest. I know my W has lied to me many times, and her excuse has been that she doesn't want to hurt me. That might be true to a point, but I also think that she can't handle the guilt that she's forced to face when the truth is revealed. The sad part is that the lies and disrespect often hurt more than the truths they were meant to hide.<p>What can we do when we're being lied to and disrespected? Try not to take it personally (very difficult), and just work on ourselves. If you learn to rely on yourself for your own happiness, you will accomplish 2 things: you'll be a better H if you ever have the opportunity; and, you'll be in much better shape to move on if your M does not survive.<p>LHS, I applaud your decision to not do anything rash tonight. Think it over, let your emotions subside a little, and I think you'll know when it's time to take action.<p>Take care, and please keep posting.<p>BP

Honesty and respect, cripes how I would like to have even a little of that from W right now. I sometimes get the feeling that she is just using me for whatever needs she has to have met at the time.<p>Tonight when I brought the kids home, I went to her room to tell her that I was leaving, she had the door locked and just yelled through it "I'm on the phone, leave me alone" Geeze, I'm her husband for crying out loud, and she cant even open the damn door to say OK?<p>Oh boy, here I go, I'm starting to feel some serious venting coming on. Oh, how I wish I never gave up smoking and drinking (an a few other things) so long ago, it sure would be nice to go on a bender right now. But, I chose the path of responsibility and guess I have to pay the price for that decision (lol)<p>I've picked up the phone a few times to call her and ask her point blank what exactly her intentions are, but know that isnt the best thing to do. Even if I did, I probably wouldent believe her anyway and it would just make me feel worse.<p>Guess what they say about Mondays is true after all!

Hey Rambo!!<p>I used to beg my W to get it out in the open. At least it would have to stand on it's own. No, that wasn't going to happen. It's a lot better (for the A) to keep sneaking around. <p>
This is a blessing in disguise. I know you're hurting now but THAT (the A) will soon be over if they get together. I'm a betting man and I give it 3 months tops. That's when the real problem of you wanting her back is going to come in.<p>Just my humble opinion.<p>
who

WHO- good to see you, havent heard too much from you lately! Blessing in disguise? hopefully. But what kind of crap am I going (or going to allow myself) to go through. And what about my kids? What kind of BS are they going to have to suffer through as well?<p>Another thing that D told me is that W has gotten phone calls late at night and then leaves in the car right after for 10-15 min. Guess where she is going?<p>And, this whole thing with her wedding ring (the one I BOUGHT HER) and a mans together in the jewerly box is just so sick. What kind of plans does she have? Why cant she just be honest with me, the truth will come out eventually, and she knoes it. I have caught her in so many lies how can she even think tht she can pull a fast on me?<p>As far as the A surviving? Where is the incentive to break it off if OM is no longer living at home. H***, right now the way I feel, they deserve each others miserable existance, just dont let my kids suffer through this.

lhs,<p>Sorry I left you hanging. It was past my bedtime. I hope you're doing better today. <p>lhs.....
"But what kind of crap am I going (or going to allow myself) to go through. And what about my kids? What kind of BS are they going to have to suffer through as well?"<p>You said it.. "allow myself". Your kids are probably going to get hurt and confused. That's why you have to be the strong one again. They won't suffer as bad if you're a rock. I know you're thinking "I can't let this happen, I have to protect them." Simple fact is that it is happening and has been for quite some time. <p>
lhs.....
"Another thing that D told me is that W has gotten phone calls late at night and then leaves in the car right after for 10-15 min. Guess where she is going?"<p>Be careful with this. Your D is getting caught in the middle. I know you want information but she's going to start wondering what's going on. When things fall apart she might think it's her fault. She can see your pain. Don't let her think she's the cause of it.<p>lhs...
"And, this whole thing with her wedding ring (the one I BOUGHT HER) and a mans together in the jewerly box is just so sick. What kind of plans does she have? Why cant she just be honest with me, the truth will come out eventually, and she knoes it. I have caught her in so many lies how can she even think tht she can pull a fast on me?"<p>I missed the jewelry box story. "IF" your saying what I think you're saying then she really is messed up. It's them (2 liars) against the world. How long before they start lying to each other. It's already been happening. Why do you think W gets so mad at him? <p>
lhs....
"As far as the A surviving? Where is the incentive to break it off if OM is no longer living at home. H***, right now the way I feel, they deserve each others miserable existance, just dont let my kids suffer through this."<p>There is no incentive just real life. They've been living in a fantasy world. You know how hard it's been for your W without you around. Wait until she asks him for help and $. That little fantasy is in for a big shock.<p>
who

Hello LHS, You need some big HUGZZZ, don't you? Remember that rollercoaster ride that Orchid reminds us goes with the territory of this devastating experience? What you've described is just part of it. Not easy...filled with so much fear of the unknown. There are no guarantees. However, this is where patience and faith must rise above everything else. You must focus on yourself and your children. Try hard not to focus on what your W is doing, OK? I've received that advice many, many times and finally realized, it's the only way to move forward.<p>You've done good not to react. Take a deep breath. You can do this. There's an enormous amount of strength in your posts. Believe in yourself.<p>We're here for you.

New day, new attitude, not exactly a better attitude though. At this point, I honestly believe that it is time to put an end to this. I don't want to go through anymore, the lies, the disrepect, the deceptions, I don't deserve to be treated like this. Not sure what exactly to do yet, Plan B letter, tell her in person, don't know.<p>Yes, last Fridays talk was good, but I wonder if it was because she is sincere about what she said or because I don't want to admit things may be over between us. Maybe I have been a fool for believing that things were going to get better, maybe I just don't want to admit that the woman I love could hurt me so much,
maybe… But what I do know is that she is treating me with so much disrespect that I need to stop allowing myself to be treated like this. My self-esteem, my emotional, mental and physical state, everything has taken such a beating, its time to stop, time for me to make a tough choice, time for me to regain control of my life.<p>WHO- that ring thing hurts me, cuts right to the bone. W told me a few months ago that OM did propose to her, geeze, she was engaged to be married and we werent divorced yet! This jewelry box is a new development, I know it wasn't there a month ago, so I wonder…. After all this, I wonder if I really want her back, is there really anything that either one of us can do to take this pain away, should I even try?<p>The incentive, well the courts soaked me pretty good on the alimony/child support. W is also on govt aid so she lives pretty well. Given that , W can have her cake and eat it too, cant she? She'll have OM on the one side for any emotional or sexual needs, and me on the other side for her financial needs. Given that, I think it is time for me to stop meeting her emotional and domestic needs like I have been doing.<p>T- Thanks for the hug, I needed that. Yes, I must focus on my kids, they are the most important thing in my life. I must tbe the strong one, the stable one, the one they can turn to when all hell breaks loose, which I think will happen real soon. Remember, OM's W teaches at the kids school and their kids are friends with ours, wonder how long it will be before the truth comes out?<p>This has been going on long enough, I've done the best Plan A that I can. Its time for W to make some decisions. W needs to know that I will not be a part of her life as long as there is contact with OM, that she chooses BF over me and continues to disrepect me and the M like she has been doing.