Thanks to all of you for your wonderful replies to my post "How do I end an internet affair?"<p>I understand the concept of a "no contact" letter or e-mail when ending an on-line relationship. I see that it is final and there are no questions or issues left dangling.<p>I was fascinated to learn some of you recommend just ending the on-line contact and never returning to the chat room or instant messaging again. Have any of you experienced this type of an end to an on-line relationship? If so...how did it go? I never thought about just stopping. It seemed cold and unfair to the one I was having the relationship with. Doesn't she worry? Doesn't she wonder why I would just suddenly vanish? I confess, I do not know what is best. I do know I can't continue my on-line relationship for the good of my relationship to God, my marriage and my own self esteem and integrity. My on-line lover knows I am married. Does this make a difference in ending the relationship? Have any of you ended an on-line affair and not told your wife or husband?<p>Thank you for your kindness, for your offers of help, your advice and most of all... thank you for your prayers.

To a TRYING Christian. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I never thought about just stopping. It seemed cold and unfair to the one I was having the relationship with. Doesn't she worry? Doesn't she wonder why I would just suddenly vanish? <hr></blockquote><p>I DO hope you see the irony of this statement. Let me turn it around for you a little bit. Doesn't it seem cold and unfair to YOUR WIFE if you DON'T just stop? Doesn't SHE worry? Doesn't SHE wonder why you would just suddenly have an EA?<p>
And finally, DOESN'T SHE DESERVE BETTER? DON'T YOU?<p>Sorry about yelling, but I just REALLY wanted to make the point.<p>The first step for any of us here is to look for the truth within ourselves. These are some of the truths that I would imagine one might see if they were to look.<p>Take care.
Kev

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Have any of you ended an on-line affair and not told your wife or husband?<hr></blockquote><p>No, I never got involved in an online affair, but I know my husband has had an affair in real-life, and I'm waiting on him to tell me. I snooped and found more than I bargained for. I lost a great deal of sleep, weight, and have worried myself to death. At first, I blamed myself, but realized that it was no fault in me, the fault laid with HIM. I've been working on myself to make changes in the way I relate to him. I saw my part in this, but I did not "make" him do this.

I sincerely believe the Lord has control of all things and will continue to move in this situation, and hopefully, he will come clean so we can begin to move past it and go on.<p>Your wife, more than likely, knows deep down that something is/was wrong with your marriage and she deserves to know the truth.<p>The Lord is not pleased with the breaking of your vows, and you will have to tell her to make it complete so the two of you can work on your marriage.<p>You will have also have to search yourself to find what was wrong inside yourself so you can fix it so this will never happen again. The next affair could be one in real life, only much worse.<p>The devil only has much power as you are willing to give him, and he will stop at nothing to break up families and hurt people. And he uses people to do these things.
Break his hold on you for this is a lustful spirit, and strengthen yourself by praying and asking the Lord to give you strength to stand, and confess to your wife. <p>The fault is with you, not her, and you will have to look at what happened within you, and fix it.<p>There is nothing that is done in darkness that will not come to the light, eventually.
No secrets are hid forever.<p>Good luck. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

AFC,
All of us have different vulnerabilities. For some it's alcohol,gambling, whatever. I believe chat lines are very addictive because like all other addictions they are not based in reality. I have a vulnerability to chatlines etc. so I protect my H and family from them. This is what I did. I realized I was vulnerable in this area. I confessed it to my Husband. I promised not to keep anything secret from him. I do not ever go to chatlines, if I should slip I tell him immediatly. Knowing I have to tell him everything I said and everything said to me keeps me safe from saying the wrong things.
Try it, dont just stop talking to her, stop chatting all together!
Remember it takes 21 days to break a habit and start a new one.
If you are worried she will wonder what happened to you , don't, there will be plenty other guy's to talk to. Trust me you are not the only one she is talking to. Or better yet, tell her you realize it's wrong and your hurting your wife and your going to stop.

I just wanted to chime in with something I've gone through with an online relationship.<p>Ok, I'm the BS, we are divorced but now back together, planning our re-marriage and new life together and everything's going GREAT(better than I would've ever thought). We are very much in love with each other. BUT while we've been divorced I had a 6 month online friendship that did turn into a real life short term sexual relationship in the end. I never felt "love" for her, but I did think of her as a great friend and that it could turn into something more... but by the time it started to get serious, my XW really wanted to get back together and I still loved her and still wanted my family back together. So I had to tell my girlfriend that I would no longer contact her because it would upset my XW and our chances for recovery badly... just like if my XW was still friends with the XOM, I wouldn't stand for it. I was honest with GF about everything, she always knew I had strong feelings for my XW, she knew what she was getting into, because I was totally honest. And she did understand that the chance of my family getting back together would be more important to me than her. So we haven't contacted each other in 2 months now, but there are MANY times I'll think about her, I'll start to write her just to say hi and see how she's doing and to let her know that I haven't forgotten her and that I did enjoy and miss our friendship/relationship. But I'll always stop myself. I know that if I contact her, she'll respond and I will back, and so on and so forth until we're communicating like old times. I know I can't forget about her if I'm in contact with her.. I know it. So I don't do it. I think it's given me a better perspective on what my XW went through with her withdrawl from OM.<p>If I were you I'd chat with your friend and give her the final good bye and good luck and then concentrate on your wife and your marriage. <p>Anyway, that's just my 2 cents.<p>Oh yeah, my XW knows all about my relationship with XGF. I've given her all my passwords and login info so she can check whenever she likes... also, IF I was ever really tempted to contact XGF, XW would probably see that and it would wreck everything, so once again I ask myself... what's more important?<p>Good luck!

Ok, so try this thought......<p>You are conversing on-line with what 'seems' to be a wonderful person (let's pretend that's me). Except that when we actually talk on the phone you find out that I sound as sweet in voice as I did on-line in my messages. Great, now we will meet in person but when we meet you still hear my sweet voice and let's say I look great.....<p>So far so good? Awh..........but I smell, when I smile my teeth are yellow, I do drugs, I dress nice but all my clothes have been shoplifted (only from the best stores)...... Now do you still want to continue an on-line A and phone conversation with me? <p>Mental pix here. Are you willing to protect potential hurt of the OW and inflict it on your family? See there will be hurt. Your hurt. There is no guarantee that the OW will be hurt but many WS' think so and willingly move the hurt to their family. Oooooh.......yes the OW will cry a bit (that's for show).....venusians are very good at acting. <p>You really want to know what she thinks of you? Pull in another party......your sister, wife, friend and see how nice and coy she is with them knowing all that she is telling you. Put her friendship to the test like you do anyone else. Then the real OW comes out. If she says fine, then you know you can leave without hurting her and at least you will leave the relationship with respect. If she acts up, you don't have to worry about hurting her because her pain was just for show. <p>You want to be taken for a ride? Protect the OW. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L. <p>PS: I am not that 'ugly' in person...... a few of you have seen my pix and talked to me on the phone.... & I don't smell... LOL !!! Just wanted to make a point. Boy, I sure hope this helps [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]