if a man is having an affair..... is one of the reasons why he would still have sex with his wife.......guilt???<p>how does it feel for a man when he's having sex with his wife.....whilst conducting an affair with a women whom he thinks he is 'in love' with...???<p>how does this work in the guy's mind???<p>thx
notsureofanything

Yes, I want to know the answer to this as well. Is it allowable to them by way of compartmentalization? As I've been told by MANY wise folks (male) here that men are experts at compartmentalization because they have a sexual thought every 20 seconds, so it necessitates them to mentally "PUT" things in their respective place in order to function effectively in other areas. <p>Can't wait to hear what responses we get on this.<p>Jo

Being a BS I don't know what would go through my mind if I was the WS. I'll take a stab though... knowing my sex drive I think that IF I was selfish enough to have an A, I'd be selfish enough to have sex with multiple partners without any problems.

Hi i would also love the answer to this one, my H has had sex with me all the way through his A, untill i put a stop to it a few weeks ago.
I asked him once if he was so in love with OW how could he have sex with me as that meant he was cheating on her.
His reply, the usual i dont know and then i think its a man thing!!!
I dont buy that though i think if a man is so smitten in the early stages of a relationship why would he want to have sex with his wife or anyone other than this fantastic OW!!!
Cant wait to hear other reasons.
Liz

I don't have an answer to this, but I do have a request. Is it possible to put (Trigger Warning) in the title, or something like that? This is a HUGE trigger for some, including me. Thanks.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by notsureofanything:
<strong>
how does this work in the guy's mind???<p>thx
notsureofanything</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
How does it work in a womans mind?<p>
who

I suppose I should be glad - my husband felt too guilty with me to have sex after he started affair. That was one of the first clues to what was going on as until then we hah a very healthy sex life.
Once we were separated but staying in same house one weekend for him to see kids I did try to initiate it with him but he wouldn't let me. I think I wanted to reaffirm my own desirability so it didn't get me very far!!
Jante

I can answer this here question. I've not cheated on my wife or even considered it, but I have stepped out on just about every girlfriend I ever had, and I think I can give you my thoughts on the subject.<p>And, by the way, there are plenty of women who cheat on their husbands and then come home and make like all is well. But let's not digress...<p>Love has not as much to do with my wanting to have sex with someone as attraction does. I love my wife, and so that leads me to provide for her, spend time with her, etc, etc. But the reason I want to make love to her is because she is so damn hot. Now, you might say, "where will she stand in twenty years when the looks fade?" No problem. My definition of hot is vast. It depends on the individual. I once even met an elderly woman who, though I kept it to myself,
sparked me pretty well. She just had that little something that made her very sophisticated and attractive. But yeah, a nice, young, hot bod will
get me too.<p>Attraction doesn't always lead to love. But it does yield sexual feelings almost always. <p>And see, wanting sex with someone else does not negate the feelings I have for someone special. <p>You might be saying, "it's just a matter of time before he cheats on his wife". I say no--there are checks and balances. I would be crushed beyond belief if a.)my wife left me or b.)my wife
cheated on me. I don't cheat on her because I couldn't stand for her to cheat on me. The other relationships I had, I cheated on them, they cheated on me, c'est la vie. Not with this relationship.<p>I have the thoughts, though, when I see a totally
hot babe. It's a fight sometimes.<p>And if I WERE to cheat, I could do so and still love my wife. I'd be guilt ridden. I'd be afraid. But it wouldn't mean I didn't love her.
It would mean I just ran into someone who was hot.
But like I said, the checks and balances keep me in line. If I didn't care what my wife did, it would be a free for all.<p>Hell, we've all had sex with more than one person(most anyway). Sex itself ain't that unique. Not for me, anyway. It's way more instinctive than that. Not ALWAYS, of course. But when I see a hot woman, I want to have sex with her. Period. I could want to have sex with a complete stranger if she did it for me.<p>My wife is very attractive and I want her badly.
And I love her so much it hurts sometimes. And I do want to make her feel good and give to her sexually. <p>But let's face it, deep down inside, it's the animal magnetism that draws me. The love part draws my desire to meet emotional needs and all that bull. It's the love that makes me not tempt
fate.<p>This is my world.

Thank you EazyE!<p>I just love you, your posts are so ... ummm.. COOL, and very informative. <p>From your writting style I get that you're a slammin dude, your wife is very lucky, as are you, I'm sure. <p>Jo<p>[ March 05, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

OK, this may be a huge trigger...and is very hard to take....so beware!<p>But, I asked this very same question and the answer he gave me I think was quite honest...but it does hurt.<p>"It felt good knowing I had the capability of satisfying two beautiful woman...it was a he-man beating on the chest, lord of the jungle thing. The fact I was hurting you, her, and probably ultimately myself had nothing to do with it...I was living in a purely selfish place where MY wants took precedence over everything else. Kid in a candy store. Unbelievably immature and for the moment only. I didn't think of her when with you, or you when with her...I thought of ME, ME, ME the whole time. It was like I wanted to have the wild teenaged years I never had. I wanted to brag about it to someone..but couldn't...If you had never found out, it would still be going on."<p>Told you it would be a little hard to take..it was for me, but I asked for honesty, so had to receive it and deal with it.<p>As we unravelled the circumstances of his life, and our relationship right before the A..it made perfect sense..we were both working and living in "giver mode"...we just weren't giving to each other. High producers at work, always willing to pitch in for whatever cause someone called either of us for. We were hiding our feelings of loneliness and waiting for each other to read our minds and make us happier...never happened. Just withdrew into our respective worlds of work, kids, and a million other things that had to be taken care of. And no one taking care of either of us. He found someone willing to "take care" of him....frankly it was probably only a matter of time before I would have sought someone out also.<p>This is a little scary to me now, as I'm almost afraid of doing some things I used to love..but have sacrified in fear of not "being there" for him. I'm not satisfied with the way this makes me feel, but haven't wrapped my mind around it enough to come to a decision or formulate a plan. Quite frankly, just being his partner is not enough for me...I miss my creative outlets, I miss my "me" time.<p>Oh, well, got off the subject..sorry.
T