Cut and Paste from somewhere..... [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] At least they admit that they are lying and being deceptive. One of these people just might be your OW/OM. <p>Share your combat strategies for keeping the EMA a secret <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Hey, all. While posting to a new member regarding how to keep the cell phone calls and numbers confidential, I came up with the idea for a thread for everyone to offer their own strategies for keeping things secret. <p>My contribution is to call your cell phone company and request the bill be in SUMMARY form rather than DETAIL form, That way the charges and such are listed, but not the CALLS or the NUMERS!!<p>Next? <p>Don't marinate in strong perfume or any kind of fragrance before seeing your MM. <p>Most of this is the stuff he will be doing anyway . .. <p>Or have a 'pay as you go phone' where you never receive a bill but have to buy top-up cards to call.<p>BEST EVER TIP: Don't tell anyone about it. That means ANYONE. Not even your mother or best friend. Even if you say 'this is really really secret' people always end up telling 'just one person' - husband etc.<p>If he is having a shower/bath at your place, he shouldn't use shampoo different to that he uses at home or strong smelling soap.<p>Try to make sure he is where he is supposed to be. This is easier to do if you have a work affair- fooling around at the office after hours so if W calls he'll be there.<p>If he is somewhere where he shouldn't be (ie. your place or hotel), best time is during working day when he can say he just went out to get a snack or something or was away from his desk. <p>Turn off cell phones when you are together.<p>If cell phone rings, disconnect land line before answering. People have been caught out by a call to a cell phone and then the caller hearing the land line (which they've just called on another line to see if he is in suspected location) in the background.<p>Don't put anything in writing at all. No letters, cards, diaries or email. If you do use email delete all copies immediately on receipt. You never know who can access your hard drive at work.<p>Make sure you don't get lipstick or makeup on him or his clothes. Check everytime he leaves.<p>God . .. just typing all this is depressing me .. . its a sick world isn't it. . . how low is my self-esteem that I put up with this cr*p for 4 years. Really what is the point of it all???<p>Me? Bitter? Surely not!
If you are traveling or don't have a cell phone, use those prepaid calling cards to call. You can call from any phone and not have the phone number show up on a bill. (They work great for calling from hotels) <p>My MM smoked. Well the smell was all over my clothes one time after we had spent the day together. My H and I didn't smoke so he noticed. I said I was in the smoking section of a restaurant that I stopped at for lunch. Just something to think about.<p>WBH <p>O.k. you all are going to burn me at the stakes for this one. The only accomodation I make is the soap thingy. The only reason I do that is so she won't get suspiscious about where he has been thus potentially limiting our time together. Current MM's W lives about 30 mins away. We don't know each other. She did email me once as she apparently had snuck into his files and found my email address. I didn't respond to it. She gave me her email as well. I kept it but won't contact her. She is a teacher's aid so she works in the daytime and usually gets in around 5. Me and MM work at night so when we get together he gets to spend the day until my kids come home - as I don't let him around them yet. Although one day we were caught by my little girl eating lunch as I forgot they had half a day. <p>I don't keep relationship a secret. My mom and close friends know as well as many of our coworkers. He calls daily and I have his home # and beeper #. I told him I have to have the ability to call him. I don't abuse the privellege though. In fact, current MM often asks why I never page him etc. XMM and I often went out together. He attended school functions for my kids. He met my friends and family. He lives in town about 22 miles away. Our coworkers also knew. I told both men I would not lie or deny the relationship if their W ever questioned me or the Warden etc. I told them in advance of our involvement and I stand by that. May not be the wisest idea, but it has worked thus far. fs <p>I agree. Most everyone in my life (my family and friends) knows about my MM. I see no reason to keep it a secret. None of our families know each other, so that is probably why it is easy for me. I also email his adult daughter. ( his W is not her mother-second marriage) I am not ashamed of being in love with him. These things happen and we cannot control what our heart feels. <p>DON'T TELL ANYBODY!!! YOUR BEST FRIEND, BROTHER, SISTER, ANYBODY. DON'T EVEN HINT ABOUT AN AFFAIR.

Or how about a "How to get caught without anyone knowing you let the cat out of the bag" thread? hahahaha...<p>If only I had it in me.... <sigh> <p>What my MM and I have done is. Fist off he lives 1 hour away from me, so we have different area codes. I have changed my area code to his. That way my area code blends in with all the other calls.so She knows where I live. Also we pay for everything on my credit card. Then he just gives me cash everytime I get a statement or a cashiers check. <p>Also he has my number logged under a business associates name. If she was to call and ask. I would just say hi, I am Richards girlfriend. Would you fall for that?<p>He never worries about my perfume or marks on his body.(smile) Because he said she never gets that close to him. <p>I definitely agree with several points made here! Be careful of the soap so that he doesn't use any of that foo-foo smelling stuff that I love to wear! He keeps his favorite soap here as well as an electric razor. I also give him the once-over for makeup, my long dark hairs (wife is shorthaired blond) and "love marks". He very seldom uses a credit card when we dine out, usually cash. He has a very high-profile type of car, so it is a wonder he hasn't been noticed around town more often with me (he parks it in my garage when he comes over though, just in case). I know for sure he hasn't told anyone at all about us because he said he is still afraid somebody might slip the lip and it get back to his W somehow) and I have only told my two closest friends, one of whom is also dating a MM (so we're both gonna burn in hell together!). I can call him at work whenever I want, he calls me on his way home, and he can usually get away for a few hours a day or two a week for nice long lunches and fun time with me so W doesn't get suspicious with the "I'm working late" excuse. <p>fs, if you think they're going to burn you, wait 'til they get ahold of me! I make absoulutely no accomodations (accept that I do NOT blab about our relationship and I don't call him at home, duh!)! I wear the same fragrance and in the same amounts when I'm going to be with him or not with him. The only soaps in this house are the ones I buy for me and for the kids-he can take his pick. As for making sure he's where he's supposed to be, reminding him to delete e-mails, to turn off the cell, to hide or destroy cards I've given him, to watch his credit cards receipts, etc....Forget it! He's a big boy and if he didn't have enough brains to avoid getting caught, I wouldn't want him! If on the other hand he has a secret desire to get caught (as I'm beginning to think many do), well-that is his problem. As I am a single OW and he is married, he certainly risks much more than I do by being involved in this relationship, thus I don't think he needs me to tell him how to keep it a secret. Geez! <p>GOD help me! Im falling for Belle! And she hates me! Go figure! (all tongue in cheek)<p>Now for the serious part.<p>Don't talk on the "home pnone"
Don't talk on the cell phone.
Dont talk on the phone.
Dont IM. ICQ. YAHOO.
Don't email.
Dont fall in love with them.
If you do, DENY it.
remember, if big brother isnt watching or listening, big sister is.<p>disregard the above warnings at your own risk. <p>hugs, c <p>Bringing DIAL soap so he can shower with it. <p>I wish I'd managed it - we were doing so well until his wife found a text message from me that was a bit - how do I put this? sexual in nature!
As we worked together spending time was easy - late meetings, conferences - I've done things in the office that I would blush to think about if I had enough shame to blush! I just wish I was still doing them! <p>But Clarkie, if you don't fall in love-what is the point?!! (writes the emotion junkie). And you know I don't hate you. We've discussed both of the above before and even though you've been burned, we both know you'd do it all over again and so would I, because even if it all went down in a flaming pile of crap today I'd STILL believe it's better to have loved and lost (and to have had this person in my life) than never to have loved at all. Christ, I wouldn't think of doing this whole EMA thing for any reason except love. If you don't love the MM in your life and you don't believe he loves you, cut him loose and find someone to love-we all deserve that in our lives!<hr></blockquote>

This stuff sickens me. What a way to live your life.

Husband,<p>Did you get this from gloryb? I find this clarkie person's post extremely difficult to read and understand. It seems very 'off' and not coherent. I wonder how much of his stuff are true.<p>EE

Yes that is where it came from. <p>Silly me I'm trying to reason with them over there.

Oh gosh H2Y get out of there. I went there once to read and was so disgusted by what I saw I swore I'd never go back and I haven't. What a sickening bunch of people sitting around plotting and planing on how to be with married people. I hope they all burn in hell

let's throw stones at them! K?

As Dr. Phil says, it is a manifestation of a very low level of evolution in the development of emotional maturity.<p>It reminded me of junior high and trying to get away with things behind our parents' and teachers' backs.<p>That's probably what Dr. Phil's talking about--retarded evolution.<p>Reading it made me thankful that I left all that behind actually IN junior high. I'm glad I'm a grown up and have the courage to be real. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ March 05, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

How absolutely sadly pathetic can one group of human beings be?!!! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] Leave them alone to wallow in their own depravity.<p>Estes

Husband,<p>I went and saw your post over there. So very sorry for the terrible pain you and your family is going thru. I hope that you stop posting there because despite the few nice replies you received, they will twist your words around at some point. I saw that clarkie posted an apology to you and on here as well but that's him when he's caught in one of his stupid big mouth blunders. He will revert back to his old self soon. <p>As for reasoning with anyone there, it's really a waste of time. Most of them can't accept that they did anything wrong.

im sitting here with only tears.

Hi H2U,<p>Haven't talked at ya for a long time...<p>Hey listen!! It's bad for your spirit to go there, ya know?<p>Be careful...<p>And as far as this is concerned... glad you posted it, even though it hurts, because maybe someone will catch their WS in a whopper... but it DOES hurt to read this junk. <p>I guess that's why it's called the OTHER WOMAN site... I mean, it's to support that lifestyle, right?

I am in awe as to the stupidity of some people.<p>I suppose blaming the OW/OM justifies the affair, totally in your minds?
Well, those women who are the OW didn't have them alone.
Affairs are wrong period, EVERYONE gets hurt.
Your anger is totally understandable, but gimme a break.
Calling them immoral isn't the answer. You would be surprised at the up satnding people in your community that are having EMR's or have had one.
If you think blaming the OW makes you feel better go for it. Most of your post are so uptight and unfounded.
If you want to work on your marriages do so.
If you would rather sit around and ***** about who is to blame you will get no where and end up resentful.

geeze, what brought that on, rdg?

To the TOW group,<p>The reason for being resentful? Hm........ how about having to deal with a 'phony'? <p>OPs (especially) OWs want to 'pretend' they are married to the WS. What do those kind do to the single guys? [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>It is wrong to dump you all in the same category? But initially the difference doesn't show. Later the psyco's widen the gap from those that have just made a mistake. The diehard OWs though are a real bunch of losers. They never give up on wanting to be the 'pretend' W or H. <p>Some of them even fake pregos, weddings, slash tires, send threatening e-mails, obscene phone calls, claim 'emotional adultery when the WS chooses W over OW, etc. Want to be in the same category as those people? <p>Not me.........I'd sooner run far away from that reputation. Oh yea, I know about the 'feelings'. Drugs and alcohol give feelings also but they are temporary and so are the A feelings. Like uppers and downers. To prolong the 'temporary feeling' in a psuedo relationship is not being a 'friend'. More like a user. Selfish? You bet. Both sides. <p>The OP and WS are not to be excused. The agressor can be both. Think of the mind games they play on each other. Always living in fear. What kind of relationship is that? And then to bring that type of fear back to the marriage? <p>You know it is making some of us BS wonder. Are you all really worth living with and being in fear? You WS and OPs think you're really that great? Well you're not.<p>Then why do the BS put up with so much? WEll it sure ain't because of your reputation, for some reason we see hope, but we don't have to be blinded. You WS' are not that great so that the BS' have to be trampled for life. Then you WS' can have the OP then what? All the hot air is out, you want to live the rest of your life with another mistrusting soul? Your choice! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take that back to TOW! <p>JMHO,
L.<p>[ March 06, 2002: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>

You silly person...
I won't be taking anything back to TOW..
My EX was a serial cheater thank you very much.
I made him my EX just 6 months ago. We were married 16 years. he had 3 affairs 1 before, 2 after we were married. I was angry, hurt and ended up being resentful.
I never totally put the blame on the OW.
I never totally blamed him.
It was an all around blame. If I had done that, if he had this, if the OW had done this, IF"s.But all to late. I spent a few years blaming them, what good did it do me, NONE.
I had to stand up and say hey, I am better then that. I don't care who is to blame, I am moving on.
A response to what you say about some OW, crazy physco's YUP, seen um. Those ones are mentally off. Total nut cases. I also met one of my ex's lovers, face to face, she was the nicest damn person I ever met. Go figure...

Hey DL,<p>That post was changed and not referred directly to you. After I wrote it I realized that you may or may not be a TOW regular. Anyway, the thoughts were the same. It was readdressed to those from the TOW board. <p>The point is not to blame only the OP or WS but the responsibility and consquences of the A are shared by them. Yes, the BS may have had a hand on sending the WS out there but no more than the BS could have gone out there. In reality the A choice was that of the WS and OP together. Can't have an A by yourself! <p>Kinda silly isn't it to see all this A nonsense in writing? Yep, we spend a lot of time getting all this out of our system and then it fill right back up again. <p>Good thing we have places like this to vent. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.<p>[ March 06, 2002: Message edited by: Orchid ]</p>