[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ March 06, 2002: Message edited by: MBMagnolia ]</p>

Wow, thanks for all of your replies. I have to post quickly because dinner is cooking [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] H started having anger problems years before I had my A, so I know that they are not related. There are no problems with Alcohol or drugs. <p>I will consider talking with my H about my A. You are right, I do have some fear over this.<p>Lisa, I agree with other posters on this thread. I would appreciate it if you would take your issues elsewhere. I am looking for advice on MY problem.<p>I will post more later. Thanks again for the support you have shown me.

KTM,<p>I don't have much time, but come here and discuss you marital issues. I think most will recommend that you tell your H about the A, but most would also recommend that you and H get some counseling and then you speak with the counselor about how and when to tell your H.<p>Anger issues should be factored into the when and where. It is often recommended that this happen in the counselors office.<p>Further, as you post here you will come to understand why most recommend that you do tell him, but frankly I don't think you should until you understand a few things about yourself, the effect the A will have on H, and the effect the A has had on your marriage and your thinking.<p>Once you get some of that under your belt, then consider telling. I don't think walking into the family room and tossing out "Oh by the way, I had an affair." will be very effective in rebuilding your marriage.<p>So do some reading, talk abit with the folks here, consider counseling for the issues in your marriage, and then make your decision and plans.<p>Look forward to seeing you here.<p>God Bless,<p>JL

KTM, this is good news.
I'm a WS in recovery for just over a year--it is terrifying to disclose your A but it may very well be worth the risk. <p>It hurts you to tell the truth and it hurts the spouse like crazy but if he truly loves you, he will want to make things better.<p>Give it a lot of thought. We are here for you.
I thought my H would kick me out on the street, too but it came to a point where I couldn't bear the guilt of my A any longer (plus for me I couldn't break free of OM any other way but I truly had come to the end of myself by then).<p>No one can promise you an easy path but we do wish you the peace of recovery and restoration of your self-esteem and peace of mind. Living in the truth just can't be beat.

KTM,<p>I second what Just Learning said about familiarizing yourself with Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts first before telling your H and wish I had mentioned that on my first post to you. Also, reading Surviving An Affair would be a good idea.

Just wanted to pop in once more and say that I agree with JL and Conqueror... you do need to be safe first and prepared by reading here and speaking with a therapist (if not "telling" in the office with the therapist as witness)... but it's of PARAMOUNT importance, and I didn't make that clear on my previous post.<p>Best wishes to you...<p>[ March 05, 2002: Message edited by: new_beginning ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Lisa_OW:
<strong>What I meant is that you have threatened me and I am currently evaluating whether I should file a compaint or not.<p>One of your member on the other hand plainly said that I would cease to exist!<p>Can you see the tiny little diference or are you too stupid to see it???</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Why don't you go off and contact the police about your "threat" and quit disrupting this thread?

KTM,<p>I had to run off so fast I forgot to add some more reasons for learning and understanding Dr. Harley's concepts for marital recovery:<p>1. It will give you the tools you need and give you hope knowing that others have benefitted from them before.<p>2. Then you'll be able to share that hope with your H when you tell him. You'll be able to tell him how other couples have successfully recovered from adultery.<p>3. You'll be able to show him that there is a specific plan you can both follow to rebuild your M and regain the love, care, and protection you once had in your M, and you'll be able to immediately demonstrate your commitment to following those steps for rebuilding.<p>There is a post from Zorweb somewhere that lists what her WS did right away to help her recover. Her WS did everything "right", which greatly enhanced the recovery of their M. I hope someone can point to it because I can't remember where I saw it. But when I read it, I recognized that if my H had handled everything that way, it would have helped immensely.

KTM,<p>Good for you! You are at least at the beginning of changing something for the better! How it will end, who knows? It's going to be tough! But later, it will, one way or the other, be great! Hang in....you have indeed found a place for help here. <p>And special thank you to Lisa_OW for the very candid look at your character and personality! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

PooooooF ! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ March 06, 2002: Message edited by: MBMagnolia ]</p>

KTM,<p>Take a look for a poster name RedHat. In his sig line are 2 threads: SKM Chronicles and a letter from Trueheart. Both are WS'. SKM is the W and WS, her thread will be very helpful to you. She is in recovery with her H. Trueheart is the H WS and his letter to all WS' is very moving. <p>I hope this helps. Glad you are here. <p>L.

Reporting for duty ... [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] ...

Thanks RH. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

Gee did I miss all the ruckous? Just not enough hours in a day.

Wow, <p>I am GLAD I missed it!!! What utter nonsense spills from the mouths of some people!!!<p>I popped in to offer my agreement with the more helpful posts on this thread....you are very welcome here, and we are all here to support your recovery as best we can.<p>Love and light,<p>Jacky

Thanks for the replies... I really appreciate all of your support. There is so much information, it will take me awhile to go through it all! It is nice to know that there are others out there going through simillar experiences. I have to go to work now and will be at school tonight, so I won't have the chance to answer more questions until tomorrow.<p>Thanks again and hugs to you all [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
-K

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Conqueror:
<strong>There is a post from Zorweb somewhere that lists what her WS did right away to help her recover. Her WS did everything "right", which greatly enhanced the recovery of their M.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I found it on this thread, but it was actually included in a post from MelodyLane:<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=016115