After I've had my baby I've gained a lot of weight. Resulting in me not being able to wear my wedding rings and I could not have it made bigger as the setting of the diamonds would of been disturbed. <p>Since D-day I have lost all that weight and this morning I tried on my wedding rings and they fit me perfectly. <p>As I have not been wearing my rings for over three years, I did not want to put it on my fingers this morning.<p>Is it advisable for me to start wearing my rings now again. I am wondering what my WS will think if he sees the rings on my finger. In the early years of our marriage my WS would get very upset if I did not wear my rings.<p>Also on D-day because of the emotional distress I was in I took my rings and threw it at him and he begged me to keep the rings. Somehow, the rings got lost and he was very perturbed about it. He searched all over the place for about a week. He gave me the impression that he had found it not wanting to upset me and then told me one evening quite distressed that he could not find the rings.<p>Just before he moved out I found the rings amongst his clothes that I had thrown out on D-Day and I did not tell him about it.<p>Will wearing the rings now make a little bit of difference. He is still very deep in fog.

GinnyF,
In a quick response I ask you.....Are you ready to wear them again? My W has not worn her's for about 3yrs and I 'm not sure that she can again until she fully believes that I am back. It may be a signal for your H to come out of the fog but I don't know if it will last. My W took them off after our first d-day and put them back on and things were good for a while but things eventually went back to the way they were.
Just a thought.
Brw

If YOU feel married and want to wear them, I'd wear them. If he's deep in fog, there's no way to predict what his reaction may be if he even bothers to notice. So, I think you should do whatever makes YOU feel good. If you discover it falls into an LB category or seems to have a negative effect on your R with your H, you can always stop wearing them.<p>Another option you may want to consider is what I did the day before D-day (which provoked D-day and my H's request to return home after a 6-day separation). I gave him this letter:<p>H,<p>I'm enclosing the keys I took from your keyring in anger. I should have asked you for them or waited for you to give them to me. I am asking now that you continue to respect my privacy when you are not living here.<p>I'm sorry I was too preoccupied with myself to meet your needs and did not do more to show my love and appreciation for you. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to get behind your eyes to see things from your perspective so I could empathize with your feelings and gain better focus.<p>Not only have I not been the wife you wanted, I have not been the person I want to be. Since I've set goals for myself to seek God's face and grow closer to Him and ask for His strength to overcome my weaknesses, I am increasingly happy with the changes I've made and continue to make on the road to self-improvement and creating a better home environment for the family.<p>I do very much appreciate everything you have done for me through the years. You've helped me in many ways. I have good memories of your love and protection.<p>I'm also enclosing the rings you gave to me on our wedding day as a token of your pledge and commitment to me.<p>I don't feel the rings belong to me anymore, and I want you to keep them. If and when you ever want to renew that commitment and place them back on my finger as an enduring symbol of that, I will consider it.<p>I will work with you to help the children as much as we can during this time.<p>C.<p>
My counselor said the "if and when" and "I will CONSIDER it" phrasing was very important. He advised me to write and give my H this letter to give me closure to move on, so it was a good-bye letter. And I was definitely ready to move on. My H credits it for turning him around and wanting to save the M. His reason: "I didn't know you felt that way about me." [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

Dear Conquer:
I have a post going elsewhere, but just read the letter that you wrote. What a great letter, full of love. I admire you and respect you. All the best, and I hope that your husband realizes what a gem you are.<p>Now back to my own problems.!!!

C- what a great letter, was that advised by your counselor.. I might want to do this... I want my h to want me back... but it would hurt to let go of my ring... it means so much to me. I do not wear it.. but only at times I have...<p>when I wore them around him, h seemed to appreciate it.. and respected me for still being his wife despite his actions, et c...<p>thanks, h

Yep, Honey, It was a counselor at divorcebusting.com who recommended it. I also had a hard time parting with the rings, but I figured even if we never got back together, he'd be decent enough to give them to our daughter one day, which is what would happen when I'm dead anyway. The important thing to remember is that I had let go and considered myself well on the way to divorce and this was my last look back. I was closing that phase of my life, and my H knew it.