Okay,if you read yesterday's post you know WH has been dumped by OW and says he is now ready to work on marriage and do anything he can to put our marriage back together.
So why am I not happy???????????
It seems like all the pain and anger have come back - now that I know they were both lying to me continuously for 5-6 months and everything I thought about both of our relationships was a lie. I don't even want WH around. I cant stand to llok at him. He has started reading SAA. But I don't believe anything he says about loving me and wanting us to be like we were. He is such a great liar. How can I trust anything he says. He won't leave, and I guess I know in my heart I have to give it one more try - but how when I feel like this??
Am I overreacting?? Do you think time will help??
I feel so lost. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

I was in a similiar situation -- my husband wanted to come home and I had a hard time believing what he was saying to me. I was beginning the "moving on" process and had come to terms with my situation and when he said he wanted to come back it threw me for a loop and I figured there had to be an ulterior motive. After he expressed interest in coming back, he set me back into the depression I was just climbing out of. I worried, and worried and thought about my decision constantly -- he's cheated on me many times and lies, lies, lies so why should I give him yet another chance? And yet, there are issues in our relationship (and *myself*) that have never been addressed, and despite everything I find that I do love him and would like a *true* second chance.<p>I finally tried to dettach from the problem and in doing so realized I was so worried about making the wrong decision that I couldn't make a decision at all. I then decided to do what I knew I *wanted* and have allowed my husband to return.<p>I have tried to let go of my anger and have found that I am much more at peace with myself. I realize he may still be lying to me. I realize we still may end up divorced. But I am also grateful for a chance to make things right and I know that in the end, either way, my life will be better.

I don't think anything is wrong with you. That sounds completely normal to me. I don't think you're overreacting. But, now, step back, take a deep breath, and pray for patience. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Yes, I think time will help a little. But mostly, I think step back a little, go back to some Plan A basics for yourself, and give your H time to work through some of this stuff. It's easy to want everything fixed right away - and to want him to apologize and make everything ok... but he's not going to do that... and it does take time and patience. <p>Remember the reasons why you are here (at MB) - the reasons you loved your H, the reasons you are fighting to hold your family together. <p>Plan A: focus on yourself, take care of yourself (rest, exercise, focus, praying), filling any EN's that your H will let you (and you can muster up the energy to fill), and most important: avoid LB's!!<p>Hang in there! You can do this!

amh,<p>Remember H will have withdrawal don't let that spoil your recovery. Do you read Torizo saga ?. Hope it help you to sick it out ... Overreacting, yes it is normal for BS (that is why this forum help a lot of us) and alot of patience will help you out. Definitly as part of plan A ... Patience, Time and consistency.

What has helped me is detachment and looking at this as a transitional R. Either it will lead to recovery and a new M with this man or it will lead to a new R with a new man. Either way I'm on my way to a happy ending.<p>It was only a couple months ago that I was dealing with feelings of revulsion and my skin would just crawl when I was around him. Now I actually enjoy some of the time we spend together. So, if you hang on, your feelings may ease up some. I just leave the room or even the house if I have to if I can't stand being around him or if I think I might LB. Also, if you control the LBs and go through the motions of meeting his ENs (even if you hate doing it), you may see your H changing.<p>I know I complain a lot about my situation, but even though my H isn't doing what I need from him the most (dealing with the A), he is doing a lot of things right and has made progress in the way he treats me. He is more attentive and affectionate than he has ever been, so I try to enjoy what he is doing and saying that are what I've always wanted from him, even if I don't fully believe in them.<p>It really helps to look at it as a temporary situation. Enjoy whatever you might find enjoyable and avoid the rest until you're stronger. I kind of picture it as sitting in an innertube floating down a river. If I ever want to head for shore, I can.

Nothing is wrong with you! Considering the fact that the "OW" was just an 18-year old KID, I think that would weigh heavily on my mind if I were in your shoes too!<p>I can't recall if you ever mentioned knowing exactly how long the affair was going on, but you did say that you took her into your household at the age of 15. Who knows exactly how long they were sleeping together right under your nose...?<p>Nevertheless, Dr.Harley has an article about resentment that can help if you still believe your marriage can recover from this.<p>Overcoming Resentment