I recently began an A about a month ago,After being married 6 1/2 years with kids.<p>this is devestating<p>I don't feel in love with my W and feel desperate, I want to talk to the OW all the time, know what she's doing,<p>definitely feeling withdrawal,<p>this is so classic<p>but now don't know how to let go of either...hard to go back to W and try to create something that just doesn't feel like it is there...and hard to let go of the OW..I feel I've fallen for her...<p>I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes, just don't know what to do with myself. This was not suppose to be like this. I was so deceieved. I thought it would not be this bad. What a lie. I could use some encouragement by someone who has felt my aloneness.<p>I want to get a divorce but just seems like I would continue to fall further than I am. This has wrecked my faith and my sanity.<p>I am not sure if the OW has a future with me anyways. maybe she was just my escape from it all.

Get a copy of Surviving An Affair (available on this website) and start reading right away. It will help you understand what you are going through right now. You can also start reading How to Survive Infidelity in the Q&A section of this website.<p>You have to decide what you want. Obviously trying to maintain both lives is destroying you. You're going to have to jump one way or the other. Your best chance for a satisfying long-term relationship is with your wife.<p>I don't have the exact statistics memorized, but I believe Dr. Harley mentions them here on the website, but most marriages affected by infidelity survive. However, only a very small percentage of relationships originating in infidelity survive. Even those that proceed to marriage have a far higher divorce rate than the general population. If you want a view of an A that resulted in M, read Talitha Cumi's story on this board.<p>Dr. Harley has helped many couples survive infidelity and restore romantic love to their M. Do you want to fall in love with your W again? Would you like to see the woman you fell in love with and married again? It is possible, but you'll have to trust Dr. Harley and those who've been down the road to recovery, and you'll have to be committed to recovery.<p>Maybe most important, what do you want to see in your babies' eyes? What story about life, love and marriage do you want to tell them with your life? What do you want your choices to tell them about their value to you?<p>And if you used to have faith in God, are you ready to meet Him? He loves you and wants you to come home.

Still waiting,<p>I also recommend Dr. Phil's book 'Relationship Rescue'. You will read in there how to rekindle the love you feel is lost. But realize, that the first giddy rush of infatuation is not to be mistaken for true love! It's wonderful to have a guy sing to you in the moonlight but it's more important to have a spouse that will cook spaghettio's for the well kids while you clean up the sick one. Infatuation is great, but it doesn't last...if it did, we would die! The heat would burn us up!<p>Even if you left to be with the OW, in time, that, too, would grow 'old' and ho hum. It's up to you to keep the fire stoked and glowing warmly. And you have made the commitment to do that with your wife. Forget the ow and be faithful again to the woman you chose as your lifemate.

Hi stillwaiting,<p>I can wholeheartedly repeat what's already been said. Let me say this in addition: the quicker you "nip this in the bud", the better... if you drag it out, it will only get harder and harder to eventually end it... and let's be frank and honest for a moment here... it will most likely end some day... that's just the way A's work... so why prolong it for a few moments of self-gratification? Because that's what it is in the end... even if it lasted 2-3 years... once it's over... well... it's over!!! And where are you then? Sitting there realizing that you gave up on something important without even trying to see what it could be (the marriage). Realizing that you've sacrificed yourself, your ethics, your integrity. Realizing that you've only made a mistake more of a mistake by continuing...<p>At times like these, follow your head, not your heart. Some might say "that's so unfeeling!" Ha! I say follow your head - you'll end up with happy feelings in the end, rather than hurt, angry and depressed feelings. Yes, the short-term will be very hard. But the long-term - focus on that, please!! Nothing born out of dishonesty and deceit can bear fruit... cosmic justice always seems to prevail... ya know?<p>Just my 2 cents.