<p>[ March 12, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Redhat - my man, what are you looking for?<p>Dan

Sorry you're going through a shock like that, redhat. You're right about that dial. Keep focusing on your girls and that will help light your path.

redhat,<p>Try to be calm. Explain what has shocked you so.
It is so hard to "sit" on powerful information. Take things slowly. You will get past this. Let us know how you are doing.<p>Estes

Dear RH, <p>Sorry to hear the shocking news. Keep an upper chin there buddy. I know you can do it. Let us know how we can help. <p>L.

Redhat,
I was wondering how you were doing and it doesn't sound good. I'm glad you came here to vent your frustration. How are your girls taking all this?
They are your strength now.
Brw

I'm so sorry you are hurting. Just when you think it couldn't get any worse, or there can't be any more, it hits.<p>I'll pray for you tonight, for wisdom and peace.<p>Elizabeth

Redhat,<p> I am sorry that you had to find this tough info out. I know that you are most likely ready to explode. Let us know if there is anything that we can do.<p>Indy

<p>[ March 12, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

dear sweet rh-im so sorry for this bad news. hugs to you. try to calm down and center yourself on your d's.
the first thing i thought of when i read this is maybe im missing something? you didnt know he wasnt divorced for sure right? well maybe your wife doesnt know either. maybe your losing love for her through something she is in the dark about also? if im wrong im sorry-i may have missed a few posts. hang strong dear friend and if there is anything we can do-ask.

Redhat, <p>I'm sorry for what you have found. Guess it's hard to realize that you wife is ever further from who you thought she was. This is tough so brace yourself. Take care of your children and yourself. <p>You are wise to find out as much as you can. YOu need to know who this man really is as the could be around your children. <p>You hang in there

<p>[ March 12, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Dear redhat,
You are a man of faith and God's peace is promised to you AND to your kids... It's going to be okay.<p>I don't think you should say anything about this to your WS, but just wait until you have all the facts sorted out and can be objective--knowing what you want (Plan B? Divorce? Custody of the kids? HER to come back home? Whatever?). You should probably have all that calmly figured out before you actually confront her with all the background information you have gathered.<p>I believe that your gradual discovery of all these facts is God's way of protecting you. Maybe there was a time in the past when you absolutely could not handle knowing all this and you may have truly fallen apart?<p>I think you will be okay. You and the kids (as well as your W, OM & his family) will make it through all this. Keep praying for all and the Lord will give you more and more wisdom as you go.

Besides, what good would it do for you to point out all OM's shortcomings to your W? I'm sure she already knows them but because of pride, she stays--I could be wrong, but you know PRIDE is blinding. In any case, pointing out how terrible OM is to your W would only push her toward him more because after all, you would be criticizing her taste...<p>I say, wait til you figure out what all you want and then proceed from there with calm reserve and dignity.

Hi RH,<p>BTDT, speaks the truth. How are you doing today?<p>L.

redhat,<p>Well, this is the definition of FOG. <p>Didn't you used to think that this A was going to work out for your WW? Leave you, stay with him for keeps, kinda stuff. <p>Knowing what you know, how could any rational person think that they could have a future with this guy? Proof that your WW is not being rational, and has not been rational for some time.<p>You need to continue to concentrate on yourself for a while. Can you avoid seeing your WW totally this week? Like a temporary Plan B until you figure out what you really want to do? <p>I think you need time to grieve. This new information has shown you how lost your WW really is.<p>Please take care,<p>Jeffers

Redhat,<p> I was heartbroken to read your recent posts. I am so sorry for you. Your replies to my posts have been a great comfort and I wish I could return the favor. I think that the posts advising you to keep any information you gain from your W are wise. As an attorney myself I can tell you that knowledge is power, but only if you use it in a powerful way. Keep, and document what ever damaging information you find and let your lawyer decide the most effective use for it. Confronting your WW may only cause a scene which she could use against you at a later date. Sometimes with crazy people all you need to do is step back and let their craziness speak for itself.<p> I will be keeping you and your daughters in my thoughts and prayers.

<p>[ March 12, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

<p>[ March 12, 2002: Message edited by: redhat ]</p>

Wow RH,<p>I am truly baffled by the turn of events. Yet despite your pain you are still able to think clearly. I am proud of you. Please continue to post here and let us know how we can help you. <p>I think JL is nearby. Maybe he can help you out? JR is a CAL guy also maybe he can be of assistance. <p>We still see the love you have for your W and the pain that is attached to it. No one can make that go away for you. It is a pain you must work through. Hug your girls, they will be your lifeline through this mess. <p>You are kind to try to help the OM's W, but now it is up to her. Maybe the books SAA may help. I hope she comes here. <p>Take Care,
L.