Ok Jante,<p>You are right. We are spending too much time with those who are here to stir up trouble (or at least make it look that way). But as in any group or class, the loudest one generally does draw attention. Dealing with it and then moving on is what needs to be done here. <p>Notice how this poster may have been coming on under a revised user name? Not easily identified if you are new here but some of the older ones see it quicker. Also, some of these those who post like this may be targetting specific people. This has to be identified and dealt with. <p>Imagine if you were the BS on the receiving end of this kind of OP? Hm............. makes you really want to reach out and help that BS and family. <p>So there are OPs who are bent on making a lot of people's lives miserable. Gotta give them credit for being consistent. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyways, enough time has definitely been spent on this one......next?!?!? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

Gosh, thanks all of you. Checked in on this thread a few times from work today. It made my day. Thanks for the support today and over the last 11 months.

Jante and others, <p>I can understand where it can feel like it’s unfair that an OW who is trying to rile things up gets lots of posts and other’s posts go unanswered.<p>As Orchid mentioned earlier, it’s not always clear why a person is responding… <p>When I responded to Lisa’s posts it was mostly because it was pretty clear that she was playing games and not telling a real story. I was trying to figure out if there was a real need under her games. It’s also because some of the way she used words reminded me of someone. Was trying to figure it out.<p>There are other reasons people respond to OP. Many OP come here with some pretty ugly stuff to say about BS’s in general. Many people, BS and WS alike, feel attacked by it and they try to defend themselves and the other MB members. I’ve seen so much of these accusations both here and on gloryb that they seem trite and predictable. A pattern of thinking by the OP of this world is becoming pretty clear. I have done a lot of trying to defend the BS’s. Think I felt like I was defending my self to the OW in my life. Though it seems useless to try to educate OP’s, they tend to be a thick headed, opinionated lot, there can be benefits to bantering with them. The benefits are far beyond venting anger. We do have some OP here who have given a good discussions and arguments. <p>This bantering has helped me come to terms with issues in my life. Issues like a ‘friend’ of mine who had an affair with my XH. It has helped me put into perspective my feelings about OP, where they fit in the entire affair situation.<p>I do stay away from gloryb as much as my morbid curiosity will allow. It’s like watching a train wreck. And they are far less tolerant then we are here on MB. Despite their constant self back patting. They will attack anyone who defends BS or even suggests that an OP might be doing something wrong. A very strange lot.<p>For example, many people call an affair a triangle. IMHO is not a triangle as a triangle is three angles connected by sides. There is a side missing in most affairs. The Angles are BS/WS & WS/OP.. But there is not BS/OP angle. Therefore the third angle does not exist. There is no connection between the BS/OP. From this I have come to realize that it is the OP who wants there to the as BS/OP angle/connection. They want to engage the BS and cause some major love busting. They want the BS out of the way. They want to turn it into a rivalry between the OP/BS. But that is not what an affair is. Very often the WS is quite happy right where they are. They also do not want a connection between the OP/BS. If this happens their nice little life falls apart. <p>Every OP and WS I have chatted with here and all the reading (and small amount of posting) I’ve done on gloryb has held up this viewpoint.<p>These discussions have also made me realize that it is a waste of time for the BS to try to empathize or understand the OP beyond that. The OP has nothing to do with the BS and very little to do with the marriage. The marriage stands alone, it’s flaws and strengths stand alone without the OP. And it will stand-alone when no contact with the OP is established. <p>These chats have also confirmed to me that the stance I took in my previous marriage was a good one. I did not follow him around and snoop much. Almost all of what I found about his affairs fell into my lap. The same happened in my current marriage. The difference was that my XH was a mean person. I did not like how he treated me. When I left him I told him that his affairs really meant nothing to me because first and foremost I could not tolerate his treatment. So the marriage ended of it’s own accord, despite the existence or non-existence of affairs.<p>My current H is a different sort of man. I am still with him because our relationship stands on it’s own. Except for the affairs, he’s a pretty decent guy and he treats me well. Sure the affairs were terrible and seemingly unforgivable. He is working on making that up to me. He has a lifetime to do it if he so chooses to continue down the path of recovery.<p>I spend a lot of time here trying to help others. But sometimes I take a divergence to get what I need for me. Mostly I have tried to keep my bantering with OP on a civil level. I know that once in a while I get out of hand. But I always come away having learned something.<p>I have found that the best way to get what I need is to help others and engage others in discussion. Despite my many posts here, you will find that I start very few threads. When I have more time on my hands, I try to respond to the threads with the least posts first and then go on to the others. It takes a lot of time and energy to post to people. Each response you get is a gift given freely.<p>[ March 08, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>Imagine if you were the BS on the receiving end of this kind of OP?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Orchid,
I couldn't agree with you more. I believe any other MBer who feels a need to criticize should know what this must feel like BEFORE they accuse anyone's response... Who needs to put up with receiving this kind of junk in your personal e-mail inbox... YUCK 3 TIMES!

OK, late to the party again..got off work can't sleep.<p>Zorweb..you are a queen..hold your head up high.<p>Lisa..come back in 30 years when you're our age and have the courage to tell us about your life.
T

Twyla,<p>Thanks, and you are so right. When I was 22 I was on top of the world, quite the catch. If you had asked me then how my life was going to go it would not resemble the one I've lived. <p>At 22 I thought I was getting my degree in romance languages, was going to be a translator at the UN and marry Tommy. Then my dad was murdered and everything changed.<p>Life is what happens while we make plans for the future.<p>What this Lisa troll does not understand is that it takes a lot of courage and strength to open up one's life on a forum like this for the purpose of helping and being helped. It is a sign of strength, not weakness. There are many brave people here on MB.<p>When I was 22 I would have never contemplated being as mean, vindictive and bitter as Lisa.<p>[ March 08, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>