I spoke with my H on Tuesday for the first time since December 14. He said a couple of things that I hope are signs that he is heading in the direction that I have been wanting him to go (toward me , I hope)! He told me that if OW dropped dead tomorroe, it wouldn't affect his world one bit. Have any of you ever heard that one? What did it lead to , if anything, in your situation? He also said that he couldn't come back to me even if he wanted to because of everything that I have told my family. He had tears in his eyes while saying this, and I think that he wanted my reassurance that my family would still accept him. I , of course, gave him that reassurance, and told him that everyone wants us to get back together. I hope that these are both positive signs that this ordeal may soon be over. I would appreciate any input and advice. You people are wonderful! I don't post often, but I come to this site every day to learn, and I pray for all of you! Thanks!

Hi:
How long have you been separated, and how long has your H's A been going on? I have been separated from my H since Oct. 4th, with very little contact (no kids), haven't actually seen him in over 3 months, with only one or two very brief conversations since. I'm hanging on by a thread, hoping every day to hear some glimmer of hope that he's going to pull his head out of his a**! Ha ha. Anyway, the only glimmer so far is that he cancelled our meeting with our attorneys two weeks ago and still hasn't rescheduled. I guess that's something...

My H sd same thing about families... I reassured him mine would accept him... and he would have to stand up for me to his... just like I did to mine for him... thanks, H

Hello there, I dont know much about your situation, but I'll give you my advice for what its worth. (keep in mind its free so its not worth much [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] )<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> He told me that if OW dropped dead tomorroe, it wouldn't affect his world one bit. Have any of you ever heard that one? What did it lead to , if anything, in your situation?
<hr></blockquote>
Hmmm. Well if your M was a little troubled or you had grown apart from him (like my wife and I had before her A) You're WS has had two things to work on since d-day. 1) Overcoming withdrawl for the OW, AND 2) repairing,restoring or finding love for you again.<p>So it COULD mean #1 may be out of the way which means he is ready to commit to working on your M again. That would be definately a good thing.<p>Then again I dont know what context he said it. My wife once said something similar while seeing the OM. she said it had nothing to do with the OM, which was just her denying her feelings for him at the time... because of course she was still seeing him.<p>Do you know if contact between them is over? If it is and he said that thats definately a good thing!<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>
He also said that he couldn't come back to me even if he wanted to because of everything that I have told my family. He had tears in his eyes while saying this, and I think that he wanted my reassurance that my family would still accept him. I , of course, gave him that reassurance, and told him that everyone wants us to get back together. I hope that these are both positive signs that this ordeal may soon be over. <hr></blockquote>
Hm WW was a little worried about that too. Meeting my friends or family who knew. I made it a point to talk to them ahead of time to make sure there would be no surprises or problems. AND i made my WW a little more comfortable but not leaving her alone with them if possible. Also I made a point of holding her hand & showing affection to her when they were around, which I think made her feel better, and reassuredmy family and friends too.<p>I hope that helps a little! Again Im not quite sure what the whole story is Ill have to look at your earlier posts.<p>Best of luck! It sounds like you are doing a wonderful job in your plan A. <p>-HI

Limu,
We have been seperated since November 23. He has 2 previous affairs which I now know that we did not process properly. I am giving this marriage one more shot, because we are as a rule a very close couple. I miss him so much! I have been told that my H seems to suffer from self esteem problems which may lead him to have affairs, since he always seems to pick an OW that is below him (not physically lol). I think that your H cancelling the appointment with the attorney is a definite sign that he is not sure about what he wants right now. He probably needs more time to get out of the fog. I wish you the best of luck, and you will be in my prayers.
Honey,
I have read lots of your posts, and I know what a hard time you have been having. I pray that God will open your H's eyes and his heart so that he will see and feel what a wonderful person you are.
HangingIn,
Thanks for the advice. They are still living together, but a mutual friend told me that my H had told him that he wouldn't care if OW moved out . I am thinking that he has to gather the courage to move her out before he can make any progress with our M. I have taken the first step by letting him know that I want to work on M. We had a truly marvelous M, and these A's have come out of nowhere. I am reading lots of self-help books, and I am working on me. I can improve on what we already had, but not by much. I'm hoping that he will agree to do enough soul-searching to come up with the whys. I can not give up until I feel that I have done everything that can be done to save our M. H and I have always felt like soul mates, and I don't give up easily.
Again, thank you all. I hope that your miracles are right around the corner, and that all your tomorrows are filled with sunshine!!!