He is bringing her over here so that she can use his truck to go back and forth to work for a mont or so until she can fix her car or get another one.
I asked if I needed to make plans to sell the house...because even if he came home sooner or later, eventually we would not be able to afford it. He said no.
I asked if there was anything that I could do to make the road home easier, he said no. I said so you are perfectly happy where you are? No.
I may wake up one morning and just come home...
What the heck do I make of that????

FnH<p>I'm glad you came back here.<p>I would suggest to you that you don't ask him if you need to make plans to do anything. If and when YOU want to make plans to do something, take the initiative and do it. I think and maybe he thinks your question really meant, are you going to be coming back to me and work on our relationship.<p>He probably isn't perfectly happy with ow. And she probably doesn't meet all of his needs. I don't know your story or how long he has been with her. But, I think he probably doesn't know her like he knows you. Is that correct?<p>FnH, you probably don't have your H's full attention at the moment. But, there was a time when you did. What was different about you then. Did you laugh and smile more. Make simple conversation. Did you gussie yourself up a bit more.<p>I'm not sure if this has been suggested to you, but, do not bring up the ow to him at this time. Every time you bring her up, it forces him to think about her. Talk about you, without telling him your feelings of desperation. Try to pretend that you have accepted this and you are going to be OK. Even if you don't feel that way, you WILL be okay.<p>He, I am sure doesn't want to discuss the A with you at the moment. It will often cause them to hide from you, because they don't want to discuss the negative things. He'll see you as part of his problem cause he doesn't want to talk about this and you do. There will be plenty of time to discuss the A and wether or not he will be coming back. A good marriage starts with friendship. I think friendship should be your focus right now.<p>
Welcome home.

I gotta head out.. but wanted to say DON'T be scared to post!!! k???<p>Clarify something for me - from your sig line - where is H living right now?<p>I'l be back later, and I know others will be here too.<p>P.S. I think the only reason to be scared to post here, would be if you told us all to go to he**!!! so.... post away... we're here....

Hi faithnhope,<p>Am I correct in understanding that he brings the OW over TO YOUR HOUSE? Are you there when this happens? You are a very brave woman to not fall aprt when this happens.<p>Don't get too excited about his comment, since he is still involved with her. But maybe he is beginning to see that its not so green on the other side. Plan A sounds like it might be a good thing for you to follow now. Hang in there.

FnH<p>Check this out. <p>I noticed at one point a poster on another board told you to push him off the fence. I don't agree.
I think you have work to do and if you push him he may not fall where you want him too.<p>http://66.111.66.234/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=51&DaysPrune=

He has been at her house for 2 weeks on Monday. I am almost at the perverbial end of the rope...but I don't want to be make sense?<p>[ March 07, 2002: Message edited by: Faith-n-Hope ]</p>

FNH, <p>I am glad you came back...... now here is some well meaning but bitter medicine....ready???<p>1. Tie a knot at the end of that rope.
2. Hang on tight. <p>3. Don't let him use you or your home for the OWs benefit. Even if it means him staying there longer. Her car problems are her's not yours. If he uses this against you and says he needs to stay there longer.....so what? He has already done that. Let him. This could cause more LB between them. Good!! It will take strength on your part though. <p>4. Plant your feet down for a rough ride. TEll yourself you will survive this. <p>5. We will be here when you need to vent or support. <p>6. Just please be patient with us and our responses. We know you are anxious and so are we. <p>Take Care,
L.

FaithNHope...<p>I was going to post to you to look into the DivorceBusting website... then I noticed that Patient1 put a link to it for you...<p>Divorce Remedy and Divorce Busting helped me to be able to plan A more effectively. <p>It requires for you to pull back on your emotions. STOP! and THINK! before you ACT or TALK.<p>It requires you to think about what works between your H and you and DO MORE OF THE SAME. baby steps.<p>I have to go home... but I just wanted to give you a little bit of what I have learned that I can do BY MYSELF. no H involved... <p>Hugs,
Cali<p>PS... I've posted there too... though, I haven't asked them for help... mostly P**S them off w/out meaning to... they're a sensitive bunch.

I hear you Orchid, the Toy in in both of our names, the truck in his but it is a community prop. state...that truck is so special to us in different ways...but with it being tech his...what can I do? <p>I as FaithfulWife am teetering...I love him so much!<p>(would I get in trouble if I posted a link to a picture of my D? she is just so cute I want to share my ray of sun?)

Pixs have been shared here before. I would love to see it. <p>AS for the truck, well you decide if you want to see her footprints within your sight. <p>Again, her transportation problem is not yours. If he wants to be the 'good samaritan', he can be it somewhere else. Don't make it easy for him. If he is anything like my H, that becomes an excuse to badger you more. Later they (ws) comes back with the excuse,.....well you let me bring her over. Arrggh.... [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

Thanks for the link...he still hasn't shown up! # hrs. late....wonder if he has had a revelation! One can dream! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

How do you GET pictures on here?
[img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Faith,<p>He shouldn't be allowed to bring the OW to YOUR home where YOUR child is. You have a responsibility to protect yourself and your daughter. Plan A does not mean that you acccomodate the OW. You have to have some boundaries.

I have no idea how to get pictures on here.<p>
Try not to be upset that he didn't show up. He could have a very good explanation for it. And, who know, maybe he did you a favour by not showing up. He may have decided not to lend her the car and now they are fighting.

I am so glad to see you here again. I even went over there to see how you were doing. I really hope that he decided not to bring her to your house. I don't think a judge on earth would put someone away that went temporarily insane and did something to an OP who showed up at your house to borrow your stuff. She is already borrowing your WH isn't that enough for her? OK that was not nice, but this makes me mad. I would have to tell him that if he really has to let her use the truck that someone else can come and get it. She is not welcome anywhere near you or your D. <p>Stand strong on this one. You do not need to deal with this.

Well, he took the truck...she is putting temp. insurance on it. I learned alot that hur me tonite...I told him that the human heart could only take so much...he said I know, that is why I quit. So I hurt him deeper than I even knew. He said he quit talking to me because I bit his head off. I had such low self worth at the time that I didn't think he loved me, after all I am worthless and stupid...He said "How could you think that I don't love you when I try to give you the world?" (notice love wasn't in past tense) He said that he would come home when he was ready to deal and got the walls he built torn down. I told him that I never knew, the extent. I said that I would like to help him tear down the walls. Whatever he needed me to do, within reason. The only thing that I ask for is respect and for you to comply to the boundaries that you know I have for you to come home. He said that he told OW that he souldn't be there and that it wasn't right, but he had nowhere else to go. I told him that if he wanted to home was here, he knew what had to be done, and that I was willing to help him, that his bed, shower, and D were here, his home. I told him that we were worth the effort. That he was worth the effort, he wanted to talk. He reminded me of when he sat on the rock in the river and cried for us to change...I didn't after a bit and he gave up...I asked if we could possibly try that one more time. I had found the girl that he fell in love with. Maybe I did wrong, I spoke from my heart, I don't know what all he said meant, but I saw a little hope. I told him that I didn't deserve to be treated like sh** and that he had to stop and start showing a little respect and consideration. I hope that I got thru, even a little, to the man I know is still in there. I did give him back my wedding reigs, I told him that they represented every broken promise. They don't mean any thing to me anymore. I told him that this all had to stop, that he could not put me and his D through this, treating us like crap on the bottom of his shoe. I told him that he told someone else of how he felt and what the problem was (I did contribute...I know, and I saw that and was in the process of changing when all of this happened, too late tho I guess.) so that person could do what I wasn't, and make you feel better. I wish that I had known the extent. I don't know what the next chapter of my life holds, I know that I want it to be with my H, more than anything...I just don't know if he will be able to break down walls before it's too late. You have been great to me, thank you. You know, I do love him, I think that is why I feel that we need to at least try...we haven't even done that. Maybe we never will. I hope not.

THINK HE WANTS TO COME BACK, GIVE HIM TIME AND PLAN A... he sound open to it... it will pass.. be patient- let him know you are not ok with her driving truck and she needs to find another way to get around... she is not part of the family... thanks, H

So I didn't mess up too awfully? Dear God, I hope not. I do love him, and I hate him at the same time. I want to hug him and wring his neck. I hope that you aren't the only one that feel he wants back in time Honey, I really do. Hopefully I will recharge after this womens retreat, I look forward to coming home to read your comments before he gets here on Sunday to bring our dogs back.

I lost my post and I think it was good too! UHHHH. Here's the gist...<p>Do some ego strokin'. Stand up for yourself but not too caustically (tell him OW must fend for herself, you will not contribute to the person destroying your marriage.)<p>Be empathetic to her situation though. Maybe that does mean he chooses what he wants to do with the truck. If that's the case say, "I cannot condone it, but it is your truck and I trust that you will make the right decision."<p>What are his needs? Act like those are your needs too, and he's the world's best at fulfilling them. I'm not saying lie. I'm saying encourage him to meet his own needs through you. Say, "I need you around because you are so good at fixing ......" Or, "I love having SF with you. You are really good for me there." "I really admire the work you do. You are so devoted. I don't think they could run the place without you."<p>Don't go to him with your needs because he is not ready to meet them right now. It will make you look bad. You need to look strong and she needs to look like the weak one.<p>Hope this helps!