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I was thinking.. (too much as usual of late) is it really good to have the WS read SAA or understand the plan A/B process? If they read it and know it, when they notice you as a BS is doing it, might they just feel it is just some BS plan to get them back. <p>Plan A/B are really about life changes, but some BS' dont understand that after reading it a few times. Might it be less of a chance of plan A/B being taken the wrong way if your WS does not know the concept?<p>-HI
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My wife came out to greet me when I came home today. I asked her if she was doing Plan A again... Didn't go over to well! [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] I apologized and told her that I appreciated the effort she was putting into our marriage and told her that I appreciated it. She's standing her now though watching me and smiling. So, I guess it depends on where you are. I don't think I'd share that concept until you are far enough along that Plan A has already had the desired effect. Otherwise W might think it's all an "act."
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In general... if the WS knows about the concept of Plan A... ...it's OK... ...Plan A is to make you a better human... not just spouse!<p>As far as Plan B is concerned... ...you don't want to advertise the when you're going to Plan B...<p>...but if your spouse "knows" what it is... ...(self protection / preservation / keeping the love for those you are in regular contact with as healthy as possible!) ...if you think about it... Plan B should be "common sense" (avoid abuse!)<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR
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Sorry to bust in on your thread, HangingIn... my opinion is that as long as the fog persists, it's better that they don't know why you are doing what you are doing...Can lead to accusations of planned control or manipulation.....<p> NSR/Jim -HI!!!!!!!!!!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] How are ya doin'...Your name has come up recently in a few posts in the most positive manner possible...You are one of my heroes!!!!
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Hi DeWayne...<p>I'm starting to get back into the swing of things.<p>Work... kids... a few personal problems... have kept me off... ...but every now and then... I make it back.<p>I look for those posters who get "0" replies mostly... (always feeling for the underdogs)! ...but every now and then I'll check out other posts as well.<p>To all the heroes on the MB forums... Keep on helping... ...it proves that Plan A is still in effect!<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jim/NSR
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The only thing about plan B is when he says later, "Well if I knew it was to try and get me back home I wouldn't have done......"<p>I guess he never LISTENED when I talked about MB. And that would be almost every day. <p>Considering I'm divorced now, I probably shouldn't give ya any adivice on this one. I just felt like tossing in a bit of my story.<p>Hope you figure it out!<p>Elizabeth
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I think at this point my WH would read it as manipulative, me trying to force him to do what I want. One of my ego-savers and it helps him too is that I started the exercise program BEFORE Dday, so we know it is not just a ploy to get him back but is really something I decided to do for myself.<p>And in fact when I start to expect things, (i.e. I am doing plan A so he will respond...) that is when I lose hope and lose ground.<p>When I keep in mind that A is about being the best me possible no matter what he does, then I make a lot more progress toward that best me.
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Hi HanginIn,<p>When my H learned of Plan A/Plan B, he said I was on a campaign with a plan, he said he felt it was a process I was following (contrived) and was not sincere.<p>IMHO, I would not disclose the Plans to WS.<p>Jo
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Jo,
Then is it bad that my WW is starting to read SAA?
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<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by HangingIn: Jo, Then is it bad that my WW is starting to read SAA?<hr></blockquote><p>It all depends where you are in your marriage, and what your WS's mindset is. If your W is still deep in the fog, she may very well use what she has read against recovery or reconciliation.<p>Jo<p>[ March 08, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>
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Hmm im not sure where we are exactally. She loves me but is not IN love with me. She says she wishes she WAS in love with me and could look at me the way I do her. She says she feels she is doing this mostly for me, but she USED to feel it was ALL for me. Now she can see some of it being for her. She doesnt think about him as much. We DO have relationship conversations w/o arguing.<p>We're recovering I think. but we've reaches a little bit of a slow down in it. She realized she will need to try a bit which is why she asked for a M book. I gave her SAA. She also agreed to see a MC which we are doing tommorow! All good signs I think.<p>Though she still did say she doesnt believe it will change... thats bad, but understandable I think.<p>-HI
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Shortly after D-day, I asked my H to read the first 5 chapters up to the first checklist that includes the extraordinary precautions. (I'm still waiting BTW.)<p>I told him that there was a Plan A and Plan B (but I only had minimal knowledge about them at that time), and said that we could stay in Plan A (basically meaning living together and trying to rebuild the M) as long as that did not conflict with protecting myself and the children. I told him that if it got to a point where taking care of him (doing what he wanted) conflicted with taking care of me and the kids, then we would go to Plan B (go back to being separated).<p>So, even though neither one of us knew all the ins and outs of Plan A/B, he was warned about the basics, so in my mind if I ever go to Plan B it will be his choice as well as mine.
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