Maybe it's because I'm the BS and not the WS. Don't know what I'd feel if I was the WS. Maybe better knowing someone out there really loves me but how come I, the BS, hate watching families and friends fall apart? How come I hate watching my D suffer emotionally? How come I hate the possibility that my D may be cheated of a real family? How come I hate watching my in-laws grow older with pain? How come I hate feeling like a visitor in my in-law's home? <p>I shared my feelings with a very special person today and felt it was unfair to unload like this but really needed to vent. <p>Does the WS ever clue in? Can the fog be that thick?

T-<p>I wonder that same thing myself. I dont think my WS really gets it either. Sure, she gripes that times are tough, but never really expresses any real remorse or sorrow.<p>I hear what you are saying about watching all the people suffer. My 4 kids are really starting to wonder if WS is a mom, or just some stanger who takes care of them. Seems that all W has time for is OM and BF, and nothing for them. D-2 even asked me tonight if mom really knows how much she is hurting the kids.<p>Very sad, T, wish I could just back-hand her sometimes and knock her back into reality. The OP must really be something special if the WS is willing to screw-up so many lives just to be together.

I wonder the same thing. My ws seems to think her only duty as a mother is to have dinner with the sons maybe once a month. No calls, money love , support or anything. My biggest dread about divorce, is the lack of the family unit for children. No real thanksgiving or Christmas. That grap about pulling them away to keep them with her at family gathering timmes. Only thing I know, when they come home they come to me. Does the ws ever think about the hours bs spends with crying distraught teenagers about the loss of their mom? I think not. Ws is only concerned about next trip to see op or about her need for money. WS is totally selfish and quite mean too. I do better when I don't hear anything about mine or have no contact with her. Had her picture in paper this week and see she has dropped my last name. No one knew except as my wife in town anyway so I don't know if that is too smart. I will be sooo glad when it is all over!

So why do WS's think that this destruction is suddenly OK?

This wasn't much, but my MIL told me my H called her one Saturday nite crying because he was lonely, confused, and missed me as his best friend. If he called her once, I figure there's other times when he DOESN'T call that he feels the pain of separation.

Hello All,<p>I am a WS and it took me 3 days to figure out that what I did was terrible. (one night stand and lots of trashing of H) I would do anything to take H's pain back but not my own. My pain has turned me into a completely different person(very good person) I guess I feel alone in that I am the WS who desperately wants my M but my H doesn't even want to try can't get past his pain. So yes us WS do see and feel it just takes some a heck of a lot longer. Praying every day for restoration.<p>Faithwalk

HI T, even my crazed H is starting to show signs of knowing what he is doing... and has done... but he says... when he was with her... he was VERY CONFUSED... funnym,t hat is not what he told me at that time. He is still confused, but not as much... stay strong.<p>H

It's been 13 years, and I've never seen any evidence that my ex-H has developed any enlightenment or insight. I'm sure he still thinks he's the victim. I've been told by trained professionals that he is a psychopath (no conscience). He still pursues revenge against me for divorcing him. He has done abominable things to me and my children. He's even targeted my children from this marriage and endangered them.