I haven&#8217;t started a thread in a long time, so bear with me please.<p>I am feeling very confused.<p>It has been over 18 months since d-day, and after a long time doing a one-sided plan A, followed by a 3 month plan C, followed by H moving back home, I am feeling stuck and confused. When H moved back home in mid-December, after requesting that we reconcile pretty much since I went to plan C, things seemed good. We had a good Christmas together as a family, and I was beginning to feel so much better than I had since d-day.<p>In early January, I discovered that H had lied to me about something very important to me and that he had lied to me about it repeatedly. In fact, he had taken active steps to hide it from me. The conduct was not A-related, although it was an issue we discussed during recovery and had applied POJA to resolve. However, it appears that H was not really following the agreement, but rather wanting me to think he was and doing what he pleased.<p>Imagine my dismay... Just when I was starting to feel a little trust returning, I find out that he has been lying to me since we first separated and continued to lie to me until I had proof of the lie, which was only after we had reconciled.<p>I raised it with my H immediately, and he took an &#8216;is that all?&#8217; approach. Then when I tried to explain the significance, he turned on me and said I was unreasonable, expected perfection, and that it was no big deal. He did eventually say he was sorry later that night and promised that it would not happen again, but not after he had a series of angry outbursts and threatened to leave. (To be honest, I had said that I did not want to be married to a habitual liar after he told me I was being unreasonable. So, he tried to make his leaving &#8216;my fault&#8217; because I was &#8216;the one who wanted that&#8217;. Never mind that what I have wanted since d-day was a rebuilt M to an honest FWS.)<p>H backed off his threat to leave, and I did not ask him to move out again. But, I did dive into a deep reactive depression, just as I was starting to shed the reactive depression I had been experiencing as a result of H&#8217;s A. Even my IC was concerned about my health, as her assessment of me just prior to the new year was that I was no longer suffering from depression and that I was in the acceptance stage of healing from H&#8217;s A.<p>After the discovery of lying, I was deeply depressed for more than a month, after which I felt very detached from everything and everyone, especially my H. For his part, H tried to understand why I had reacted so severely and how &#8216;a few lies&#8217; could result in me falling to pieces again. I tried to explain, he eventually said he understood, but I don&#8217;t know whether he ever really did.<p>In the two months plus since discovering the lies, I have stayed in detachment mode. I simply cannot afford to allow myself to be vulnerable to my H. My IC agrees with this approach, as she is gravely concerned that even one episode of H&#8217;s previous conduct (whether a lie, a severe anger attack, having a meal alone with another woman or countless other things) will sink me into acute depression. Apparently what I have been experiencing isn&#8217;t acute depression and that is much worse than my moderate reactive depressions to date. (How frightening is that thought?)<p>H is very recently a MB-convert, in that he is finally reading one of the Harley books in our library, trying to engage me in conversations about ENs and an agreement to meet each other&#8217;s most important ENs, and has renewed his plan A efforts. While I do have discussions with him when he initiates, I am in detached mode and staying there. Heck, I don&#8217;t even know if I want to be in this M any more.<p>To complicate matters, my IC (whom I see weekly) is of the view that this M is extremely unhealthy for me. She has described it as emotionally abusive and sees this last episode as an example of the cycle of abuse, which cycle she believes will just continue. When I saw her today, one of the things she commented on was my H&#8217;s renewed plan A efforts, and what she said was &#8220;well, I suppose being told you are beautiful and wonderful is better than being mistreated; but do you see a pattern here of your H&#8217;s mistreatment of you followed by trying to treat you like royalty? What part of that is different from what a battered wife experiences?&#8221; <p>Frankly, I don&#8217;t know the answer to that question. This cycle has been going on a long time. H had anger attacks for years, in an escalating pattern, before his A; during these attacks, he would berate me and tear me down with words; he even admits that he would say things for the sole purpose of hurting me, even if they were completely untrue. During the A and for the 11 months just after it, his anger attacks were terrible and frequent, although they did seem to lessen and be of shorter duration as time passed; but he did say the most hurtful things during those times; and I stuck to plan A throughout. At one year after d-day #1, I went to plan C; I forced a separation and he moved. He did finally go to IC and a psychiatrist and has been following the recommendations of both in relation to therapy and medication. This taking of responsibility and his consistent efforts to plan A me since I went to plan C are what caused me to agree to a reconciliation.<p>But finding out about new lies, which he told me when he was supposedly &#8216;getting it&#8217; and then continued to tell me when he supposedly &#8216;completely got it&#8217;, that has sent me for a complete and unexpected loop. Is my IC right that I am stuck in an abusive relationship? Or is H trying to change his ways and needing more time to get it right? And if it is the latter, how do I stay in this M emotionally detached and in fear that if he does mess up, I might end up hospitalized for acute depression?<p>Sometimes I think it is as simple as that he set back our recovery, because he broke an important POJA agreement, then lied to me about it; and that if I do nothing more than avoid LBs and let him try to plan A me, I will start to feel better and I will want to work at this M. I almost believe that H is well on his way to overcoming his depression, anxiety disorder and anger attacks, and that it is just a matter of a little more time. But then, I think I might be deluding myself, hoping against hope, and allowing myself to stay in a relationship that is abusive.<p>What do others think? Is my IC right, that as long as I stay I will be mistreated?<p>p.s. I have read everything written by Harley on an abusive M.<p>p.p.s. I have also posted this thread on In Recovery. Here is a link, in case you want to read the other replies: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=31&t=006177<p>[ March 08, 2002: Message edited by: OneDay ]</p>

One Day,<p>I have no wise words. I'm dealing with a lot of the same feelings and issues. But I haven't caught my H in any more lies for about 2 months, and it's been about a month since his last disrespectful behavior. At the end of the year, I went to Michele Weiner-Davis' Last Resort Technique, but by the end of January I was ready for Plan B. H refused to move out, though, and promised again to work on recovery.<p>He's still not doing everything I need, but he is doing some things he's never done before, so I'm just in a wait-and-see mode. I haven't been doing this as long as you have, so it is probably easier for me to stay in the M and wait.<p>I don't know what would happen if I were to discover more lies or if he began being disrespectful to me again, but I do know that my tolerance level is extremely low. I don't think it would take much for me to throw in the towel, and I think my H realizes that, which may be why he's been on his best behavior. Time will tell how long he can keep it up.<p>The only suggestion I can think of is to consult with the Harleys to see if their assessment is the same as the counselor you're seeing now. Standard individual therapy usually isn't pro-marriage.

Conqueror,<p>Thanks for your reply.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Conqueror:
<strong>I'm dealing with a lot of the same feelings and issues. But I haven't caught my H in any more lies for about 2 months, and it's been about a month since his last disrespectful behavior.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>At the time of this last incident, I had not caught my H is a lie for 8 months and it had been 3 months since his last disrepectful behavior.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>At the end of the year, I went to Michele Weiner-Davis' Last Resort Technique, but by the end of January I was ready for Plan B. H refused to move out, though, and promised again to work on recovery.<hr></blockquote><p>I did the Last Resort Technique during the first year after d-day; and I implemented plan B (or plan C, as some of us on In Recovery call separation with contact in relation to the kids) at one year after d-day. H had promised to work on recovery so many times during that first year that I lost count. He did finally do some very hard work but only after I went to plan C.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I don't think it would take much for me to throw in the towel, and I think my H realizes that, which may be why he's been on his best behavior.<hr></blockquote><p>I have been in the 'walkaway wife' situation since August 2001, and H has known that. He has been on his best behavior, but he did mess up on this one. I don't have any fight left in me now. H knows that and tells me constantly that he has enough fight for both of us and then some.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>The only suggestion I can think of is to consult with the Harleys to see if their assessment is the same as the counselor you're seeing now. Standard individual therapy usually isn't pro-marriage.<hr></blockquote><p>I think if I have to brief one more person about our marital situation, I will have a complete breakdown. We have such a crowd giving advice already. You are right that standard IC is not usually pro-M, and I know that. But at this stage, I'm not really sure I am pro-M, at least not pro-my-M.<p>Ugh.<p>OneDay

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by OneDay:
<strong>[b]I think if I have to brief one more person about our marital situation, I will have a complete breakdown. We have such a crowd giving advice already. You are right that standard IC is not usually pro-M, and I know that. But at this stage, I'm not really sure I am pro-M, at least not pro-my-M.<p>Ugh.<p>OneDay</strong><hr></blockquote><p>
Well, I can sure hear you on that briefing thing and the lack of enthusiasm for M! [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] And ditto the Ugh! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Sounds like I should be making copious notes about your story in case it is a portent of things to come. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Guess we're just not out of the woods yet, and you've been scratched and scraped a lot longer than I have. Wish it didn't have to be this way. Maybe all I can offer is a sympathetic ear. Hope that helps a little. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Conqueror,<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Conqueror:
<strong>Maybe all I can offer is a sympathetic ear. Hope that helps a little. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] </strong><hr></blockquote><p>I accept the offer. A sympathetic ear always helps!<p>Btw, I am sorry to be a downer. You really do not need to hear my tales of woe right now. Don't be thinking that you will be where I am in a year. I don't think we are typical of recovering couples. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Thank goodness for that.<p>Hugs,<p>OneDay<p>[ March 08, 2002: Message edited by: OneDay ]</p>

Dear OneDay,<p>I am sorry for your pain. When my H allowed his angry outbursts to come home with him, I did the MB unthinkable, I told him to take his anger out of my home and leave. Maybe I will get flamed for this but each time he left, I made the requirements for his return higher. Not less, more. <p>At first he was allowed to come home with few requirements (this started back in May). His angry outbursts became regular and then I put my foot down (this was in August after my episode). I told him that his contribution to the family required he learn to control his temper. I gave him 1 thing to work on at a time. Sometimes I allowed myself to show anger and he did not like it. I then let him correct me and we talked. It is hard to teach an old dog new tricks but that technique seemed to work. I also told him to look in the mirror when he wanted to take stuff out on me that did not belong to me. <p>Still there were other issues. I have been working on them and then decided that I had reached a point that my working on them was not enough. H needed to do his share. So since then, I have given his piece to him. <p>HOwever, I also shared the fact that whatever he does will be known.....eventually. His charade of trying to hide stuff was not going to go unnoticed. That is what has helped me maintain my confidence. Yes, I have found stuff but it is to his demise not mine. He is paying the price for his actions, not me. We are suffering in the fact that we are being deprived but our family is not in want of him as long as he is not repentant. He is being left on his own. This has gone on for a while and his contact with the OW did lesson. However, my requirements for him has gone up. What I used to put up with no longer exist and so when he made that e-mail to the OW (which he says was to patronize her.....crazy excuse and not acceptable), he was sent out the door. Didn't matter that he claimed no s3x........didn't matter that he claimed he'd rather be with us than with her.......his actions (e-mail) showed otherwise and now he is in the 'doghouse' until he can show he is rebuilding his trust. <p>Am I being mean? Well not according to him. He says that as long as I would have allowed him to sit on the fence he would have sat knowing his pants were ripping (ie: life falling apart for all the world to see). He says he is actually glad I put my foot down, though I know I should have put it down harder. See I now require that he respect me in addition to not having the OW in my life. <p>I hope your H can learn to respect you too.<p>Hugz,
L.

Dear OneDay,
Honey, I'm so sorry....this has been such a long, hard road for you. I don't know what to say...you're so worn out...it should, in my opinion, be getting better by now. Maybe, just maybe, it's time to be separated again...it sounds from what your IC is telling you, that this is really wreaking havoc on your health...emotional and physical. You know that I just got divorced...I'm NOT advocating that, I'm just telling you that the relief I feel right now is incredible. I no longer have to worry about trust issues....he's still a liar, probably always will be....Unfortunately, in my marriage, I had become the verbally abusive one. Not tearing down, as your H has done to you, just screaming in my anger and pain of my unhappiness. I just don't know what to say, except for me, when I turned EVERYTHING about the situation over to GOD...he's delivered me. Pray, honey, and I will do the same for you. It REALLY, REALLY WORKS!! I'm so very sad for you, as you have been such a wonderful counselor and support for everyone here (me in a GREAT way). I love ya, and I will pray and pray and PRAY that God gives you the answers you are seeking. No one should have to go through this ever...but with you, it's gone on SO very long.<p>Love and mucho HUGS to you my friend!<p>Kari

Oneday,<p>didn't read the thread (will later when i am looking for an excuse not to be finishing the projects that HAVE to be done today)<p>just wanted you to know I am thinking about you.

OneDay,
You and I are both old veterans at this, yet somehow we never ended up posting to each other very much. Well...today's the day! <p>You and I are in very similar boats, I think, and actually I think you are doing a pretty good job. You KNOW that you are detached and you KNOW that you are depressed, and just knowing that much, you aslo know that now may not be your stongest time to make great decisions. So...be wise. <p>Now, here are some thoughts on specific comments and questions that you had:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong> In the two months plus since discovering the lies, I have stayed in detachment mode. I simply cannot afford to allow myself to be vulnerable to my H. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>To be honest, I think this is a wise move. The consequence of his continuing to lie to you is that YOU can not allow yourself to be attached and open to him...it's just that simple. If he WANTS you to be attached and open to him, then he has got to stop ALL LYING, go to radical honesty, and BE radically honest for a couple of months to prove to you that he is sincere. <p>Do not listen to or believe his promises, as you know and I know that they are just his attempt to get control over you again. Stay where you are--it is a good, safe place. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong> H is very recently a MB-convert, in that he is finally reading one of the Harley books in our library, trying to engage me in conversations about ENs and an agreement to meet each other's most important ENs, and has renewed his plan A efforts. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>GOOD! That is one small, encouraging thing. If he is serious, then it is HIS turn now to do some Plan A-ing without a very responsive spouse. LET HIM PLAN A YOU!!! However, I would say that discussing ENs and LBs with him will probably feel too vulnerable for you, so dip your toe in the water and tell him one EN he can meet for you today, and make sure that DISHONESTY is the top LB that you keep on the TOP of your list. <p>BTW, bear in mind that he is not going to be perfect on the radical honesty thing at first. It will feel very awkward and uncomfortable to him, so if he IS radically honest, reward him--don't punish him. I hear over and over people saying, "I wish he/she would just tell me the truth" and when they finally hear that their spouse is not all that "in love" with them (or whatever) they pitch a fit and get all angry and now their spouse will never be honest with them again! If you absolutely CAN NOT reward him for being honest, at least say, "Thank you for being honest with me. I will consider what you've said and we can talk about it later."<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong> To complicate matters, my IC...described (my marriage) as emotionally abusive and sees this last episode as an example of the cycle of abuse, which cycle she believes will just continue. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>The cycle of abuse that your IC is talking about is a regular pattern. Step one is "hearts and flowers" where he tries to win you back and make up to you. Step two is "tension builds" because as we all know there are stresses in life; however, if you have tip-toed around in your home trying to do everything perfect because you can feel the tension building, then you have been in this step. Step three is "explosion". That is the yelling, calling names, blaming, belitting, etc. Often it is vicious words, threatening to leave or kick you out, and yelling until all hours of the night. The funny thing is, if you have been in this step, you can see it too--it's almost like they are expending pent-up energy. Once the pent-up stuff is released, the fight stops. Then it's back to step one--"hearts and flowers"--making up--promising it will never happen again--having relationship talks and being attentive--doing anything to "win you back". On and on...<p>Here are some links to sites that may help you learn about verbal abuse: <p>www.drirene.com<p>www.verbalabuse.com<p>Look at those sites and see if any of those words or behaviors ring true in your soul. If you are in a verbally abusive relationship, they will. IF THEY DO, do not panic or file for divorce today. It just means you can put a name on what is happening and you can make a more informed decision. <p>I am in a verbally/emotionally abusive marriage myself, and have been for the last 15 years. When my H left me for his OW, I picked up the book "Verbally Abusive Relationships" by Patricia Evans, and was stunned to learn that I was abused!!! OMG!! But it all made so much sense. Since those days, I have learned how to make MYSELF stronger and not take the abuse--and my H is in the process of learning why he does it and how to stop. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong> He did finally go to IC and a psychiatrist and has been following the recommendations of both in relation to therapy and medication. This taking of responsibility and his consistent efforts to plan A me since I went to plan C are what caused me to agree to a reconciliation. </strong><hr></blockquote><p>See, OneDay?? This is another small, encouraging thing. Your H IS willing to follow the advice of professionals and work on himself. He will not be "cured" or "fixed" in a day or even a year--but he's making progress! That's very positive. <p>I would suggest that you look at the web sites--maybe even buy the book--and if you think you ARE in a verbally abusive relationship, see if your H is willing to continue counseling in order to deal with the problem. Honestly, I doubt if he is aware that he is abusive! <p>The very best counselors for verbally abusive men are the ones who deal with physical abusers--because those counselors know all the tricks and cons that these men can pull and don't let them get away with it!! Look into an anger management group, and those people will probably have a referral to a good counselor--PLUS the anger group would be really good for your H! He is likely to feel like this is HIS problem and HE should deal with it, and it's embarrassing, and everyone else can deal with their wife without abusing her...in a group he will see that he is not alone. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong> Is my IC right that I am stuck in an abusive relationship? Or is H trying to change his ways and needing more time to get it right? And if it is the latter, how do I stay in this M emotionally detached and in fear that if he does mess up, I might end up hospitalized for acute depression? </strong><hr></blockquote><p>Boy, it's hard to tell from here! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] I would say look at the sites and see what you think--after all, you are the one who has lived in the marriage. <p>Why don't you take some time today to look at these sites and think about what is on them? It is okay and good to be detached right now, so take some time for yourself and read up on verbal abuse. Then let us know what you think...did any of it hit home??<p>CJ

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OneDay (and Conquerer too),
I've been thinking about this thread..and the one I responded to on recovery board for most of the weekend...and the similarity between the two of you is becoming clearer.<p>I don't know a way to say this gently or more suppotively..can't find the words...<p>I wonder how much of the detachment, apathy, lethargy, depression..whatever term it is... is caused by where you both seem to be right now...and that is waiting for a reaction or action from them. It seems as if your "control" of your lives has been put on hold waiting for your partners to "do something". Maybe I recognize this because I have been there, and revisit more often than I'd like.<p>Funny, the paper I kept on the mirror in my bathroom just got unpacked from the move...and I dropped everything to post this...I may be completely off base but..<p>WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS?
has now been reinstated on my new mirror.
T

Thank you all for your replies. I will reply more specifically later today but wanted to let you all know that I did check back quickly and will reflect further on your replies before responding.

Gosh OneDay,
I don't know what hurts worse, the deception or the flippant attitude when you confronted him about it.<p>I can see how your willingness to fight would be at an all-time low.<p>Evidently you have a top EN for Openness and Honesty. For your H to know this and abuse it is not good. I think he needs to really understand what he has done to you.<p>If you believe that his behavior is unacceptable to you, I cannot blame you.<p>I'm not going to tell you to throw away your marriage after all you have invested, and all your Plan A efforts to forgive and rebuild. But it seems like the rebuilding was not based on a foundation of truth so what are you supposed to do with that? I can certainly understand your dilemma.<p>Maybe you should sit down and write down all the good vs. the bad points about your M & your H. Then write down what you are willing to live with if it never changes, and what is downright unacceptable to you, and share all this with your H. <p>He may have caused irreparable damage to you, your emotions, and to the marriage because of his character. Character affects our behavior. Character is what we do the 3rd and 4th times. It's only up to you if you have it in you to give him another chance, it's just that giving HIM chances leave YOU and your feelings very vulnerable. <p>Only you and God know how much you can really take and how full or empty your love bank is right now. If you have doubts about leaving, then don't. I'll be praying for you.

Hello Orchid,<p>Hey, have you ever noticed that we are occasionally mistaken for one another on the forums? I guess that is because there are so few "O" names.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Orchid:
<strong>See I now require that he respect me in addition to not having the OW in my life.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Yes, I do see. It took 10 months to get the OW out of our lives, and there have only been 'pass by' sightings since (by me, in the car; good thing I don't have a lead foot reflex).<p>Now I want to know how long respect takes. Any guesses?<p>OneDay

Kari,<p>Seems like I can always count on you to find me in times of confusion.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Myownme:
<strong>Pray, honey, and I will do the same for you. It REALLY, REALLY WORKS!! I'm so very sad for you, as you have been such a wonderful counselor and support for everyone here (me in a GREAT way). I love ya, and I will pray and pray and PRAY that God gives you the answers you are seeking. No one should have to go through this ever...but with you, it's gone on SO very long.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Yup, it has been SO very long. And I am exhausted, simply and utterly exhausted.<p>I am obviously not adept enough at praying. If I were, I would have answers already. So, please keep praying for me and tell Him that I am trying hard to hear His messages, okay?<p>Hugs back,<p>OneDay

sing,<p>Thanks for checking in. I look forward to you reading through my whole mess and giving me your thoughts.<p>Thinking about you too,<p>OneDay

FaithfulWife,<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by FaithfulWife:
<strong>You KNOW that you are detached and you KNOW that you are depressed, and just knowing that much, you also know that now may not be your stongest time to make great decisions. So...be wise.</strong><hr></blockquote> <p>I know it is not the best time to make big decisions, but if he does something else, I risk just feeling worse. Then I definitely won't be in any shape to decide anything. On the other hand, if I start to feel a little better, that would be a better time to assess things. It is just such a 'mug's game', as they say.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr><strong>...did any of it hit home??</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Yes, it hit home. But then, I knew it would. I've read a few sites before; I have spoken at length with my IC and our MC before that; they both saw emotional abuse pretty clearly. And I have read some other articles in addition to Harley's.<p>What I want is to figure out whether H can stop his part of the cycle. How's that for the million dollar question?<p>We had a brief discussion about honesty/openness and dishonesty last night. How is it that he always turns the table on me? Somehow, my stating that dishonesty is at the top of my LB list and that all forms of dishonesty are unacceptable turned into a 30 minute exercise of me defining for him what qualifies as 'dishonest'; and he used examples of things I have done in the past to ask whether that conduct was dishonest. Talk about the classic passive-agressive behavior. Ugh!<p>You are right, though, there are positive signs. It is just difficult to know whether there will be enough positive stuff to turn the dynamics of our relationship around.<p>Thanks for your insight.<p>OneDay

Twyla,<p>Thanks for checking back with me. Did you post here because you did not want to read through all the responses over on In Recovery?<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Twyla:
<strong>I wonder how much of the detachment, apathy, lethargy, depression..whatever term it is... is caused by where you both seem to be right now...and that is waiting for a reaction or action from them. It seems as if your "control" of your lives has been put on hold waiting for your partners to "do something". Maybe I recognize this because I have been there, and revisit more often than I'd like.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>While I was in plan A, I would say that this analysis did apply, but not once I went to plan C. Perhaps after we reconciled I began to slip back into the old pattern of reacting to H's conduct more. I had not really thought of that.
It seemed more like me reacting to something I realized ratther than waiting for his reaction.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR HAPPINESS?<hr></blockquote><p>I am, of course. I don't look to others to 'make' me happy; I look to myself to choose the appropriate and inappropriate influences in my life. It just so happens that I am looking in the direction of H right now.<p>Thanks again, T.<p>OneDay

Hello BtDt,<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by BINthereDUNthat:
<strong>...it's just that giving HIM chances leave YOU and your feelings very vulnerable.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>This is precisely my dilemma and my IC's concern.<p>Thanks,<p>OneDay

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