I happened to go to this site to see what is was about, and I was outraged at the topics and the forums. I happened to really lash out at the Ow on the board and was totally bombared with negative responses. <p>They were making me feel like the A was all my fault it was horrible and I found myself answering them and arguing back and forth. <p>just needed to vent that, I should have never started the topic over there it's my own fault I guess I have a lot of inner anger. Sally

Sad Sally,<p>Was that you (BetrayedSpouse)? Oh my dear, that is a vile place. I'm sure you are shaken right now.

Yes Zorweb that was me and I know that was a mistake, My kids came home from seeing my Wh and I found out she was with them again and she is staying with my WH and my heart is breaking I wanted to lash out at OW I wasn't thinking clearly, it is now 2:00 am and I will never sleep tonight yes I am very shaken up I never should have done that.

Sally,<p>All that most of us achieve by going to TOW is getting really upset. Because of the particular mindset of active OW - self-absorbed, defensive, and threatened by BS - BS can never leave that site feeling good. It's a "no win" situation. <p>I'm sorry about the OW being around your children!
My son discovered his W's A by finding photos of 2 year-old grandson and OM together labeled "My two favorite guys." It's sickening and BS can't do anything about it. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Estes

Sally:<p>TOW exists as a board for those who need to self-justify their misbegotten actions. They are still in the fog, and anything you say there will go wide of the mark.<p>Better, I think, to spend your time here in a much more constructive fashion.<p>To paraphrase and extend the old maxim: There's no accounting for taste, even when it's tasteless.<p>Godspeed,
STL

Don't be too hard on yourself about this. It's a riot that they (TOW/gloryb) members will go on and on about how terrible MB'ers are. But you see that they are not receptive to anyone who does not agree with them.<p>It's odd, I almost never go there. But tonight I just did, and your thread was the first (and only) one I looked at. Was wondering if it a MBer.<p>I think you can find forums to support just about anything on the internet. I've heard of one for child molesters.<p>The internet has everything we can find anyware in the world. But it comes into our living room. <p>Just avoid the vile stuff.

I just went and looked at the post over at TOW.
I only seen a few nasty comments to her post.
The most of them were trying to help and telling her to come here. That this site could help her..
Sound like bad people there to me.
BTW, I am a BS 3 times over with the same man.

Dragon Lady,<p>To understand the comments made here about the TOW board you would have to read the posts there over time.<p>Were they 'helpful' to Sad Sally? Hardly, condesending is a better word. She is hurting, if you don't have positive support to offer her, then please leave her alone.

Sad Sally,<p>I think that you are in shock right now. It's one thing to loose one's spouse and quite another to feel that feel that you are loosing your children. Unfortunately this is what a divorce will open you up to.<p>You need to give yourself some time and space. Then you can make a cognative decision on how to handle this.<p>I too would be upset if my children were around the OP. But there really is little, legally, or otherwise that you can do about it. Your H is their father too.<p>Help your children understand what is going on. Times like this are an opportunity to teach your children about how to handle the seedier side of life. Yea, I know. An opportunity that none of us want to live with.<p>Start focusing on the things you have change/control... your self. your home environmetn, and to some extent your children when they are with you. Make those things the best they can be.<p>Right now, perhaps you should forget about your H. Are you in Plan B? Perhaps it's time.

Yep, been there, went last night in fact. I have also visited the ivillage affair board, and that is where I let my anger get the best of me and posted. I was quickly reprimanded by the ivillage police (lol),and although not because of them I decided it was a waste of time. So even though I still lurk, I only do it to get a laugh. I laugh at how stupid these women are spending there whole days trying to convince themselves that our men love them and not us. How sad it must be to live in someones shadow. It does help me to see how the ow in my life may feel, and thus keeps me from doing alot of things I have thought about, such as having a rational talk with them. You just cant talk to someone whos head is in the clouds when you're down on the ground. So take this as your mistake and be glad it was with people you can't see rather than the real ow, who's thoughts and reaction you really don't want to have to deal with, it will only hurt more. And remember, nothing they say is relevant to you, to them you are the (W) in their life and they are just trying to upset you as they would her. Love and Hugsssssss.<p>Bridgette [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

oh Sally, don't go there to that cesspool of humanity where cruelty against innocent people is celebrated. You need to be around healthy, sane people. That site doesn't even make me mad, it breaks my heart to see such hopelessly lost people.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>it breaks my heart to see such hopelessly lost people. <hr></blockquote><p>I agree, Melody Lane, but it does upset me a lot that these hopelessly lost people - pathetically misguided and morally weak - cause so much chaos and heartache for our families.<p>Life is not fair, and we have to deal with our circumstances as honorably as we can. We know that eventually we are all held accountable for our actions in life. When the time comes, I would rather be on this side of an A than on theirs.<p>Estes

Do yourselves and every other betrayed spouse one and NOT post there - especially angry , judgemental and flame posts. It just is not worth it. It will not help you, your marriage, or your recovery. We are MarriageBuilders they are The Other Woman. Let's remind ourselves of that.

Sally... when the latest 'board' wars erupted, I also went there...<p>and posted there... under my 'same' name...<p>I am resolved not to go there any longer... it just makes me think too much about the affair and the other woman... when we should be focusing on ourselves...<p>I hope you are feeling better today.<p>Cali

I've been there many times trying to get some understanding of my daughters affair with MM.<p>I too come away with [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] and [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] and [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img] <p>The good news is that there are really great articals that, I'm sure they don't read [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] And there is a board there that supports the ones who are trying to "let go" of the A.<p>If you read you will find that they have been fed a real line of "bull&^%&" by their MM and WANT to believe it. They believe that the MM is just to "Honerable" to leave his family.<p>In the Artical section, read CAKEMAN. Wow!!!<p>I will tell you from experience with my Daughter, that if you go over there with "Compassion for the Addiction", and just pose questions in a sincere way ,you are more likely to have some impact. I, did not do this with my daughter and have NO credability with her now.<p>They BELIEVE that the MM is in a no win marriage and that THEY are saving him. It's just so sad. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

Thank you all so very much for your support, there are to many of you to list who responed. I have been hurting very much and I guess I thought going there would help me release some anger. I will not post or read there anymore it's to disturbing to me and makes me very angry.<p>
I appreciate you all not judging me going over there, I really don't know what came over me I just felt outraged and wanted to hurt every OW out there that I could, but I understand that will not get me anywhere. I will continue to post on MB, because I know this site can help me. Thank you all so very much i perspective is different now.<p>
Love Sally

They fantasy comes to an abrupt halt for about 95% of them, so don't feel so bad. Then they get to look back and realize they've wasted sometimes years on a man that was never "theirs". They can lay no claim whatsoever... kinda makes ya laugh huh?

One thing you do learn from reading there is that most WH are lying to OW at least as much as to their BW. TOW fight really hard to deny how badly they are being used by their MM. Pretty pathetic lot. <p>I feel a little sorry for them, at least the ones who realize that MM is taking them for a ride and has no plans to have an open relationship with them. It can't do too much for their self-esteem. Can you imagine what it's like to be in a relationship that is so disrespected by society that you have to sneak around like a thief or that you are OK for sex but not good enough to acknowledge to their family and friends?<p>"Character is what you are when no one is looking."<p>Estes

Sally.....it's perfectly fine to browse and lurk at TOW but it is not in your best interest as a BS to post to that forum for very obvious reasons. Do not take anyone's opinion to heart. You alone know that you need to do to overcome the heartache of being betrayed. I'm sure that the basic principles of this site will help you clear the hurdles that face you each day as a result of your ordeal. Please know that all of us have been affected by an affair within our marriages/relationships. Under no circumstances is it pleasant for anyone concerned. But, it can get better with time and understanding.<p>HEY.......STL.....it's good to see your post. I've always admired your upfront, in the face, no bullsh*t approach on how to go about dealing with marital disharmony. Hope to see alot more of you in the future....<p>[ March 10, 2002: Message edited by: GeezLouise ]</p>

cali, I saw that you posted over there,I am feeling like I have to defend myself over there when they bad mouth. I am not a bad person, I care about people and there feelings, but these people are heartless.